When is it Okay to be Controlling?

by | Oct 24, 2010

Every woman dreams of the perfect life. Very few actually create a plan to have it go. Most would agree there is no perfect life and use that as an excuse to stay in the same place. Their circumstances is the conference for the life so which ever way the needle point is to wave your life will turn.

This is a very dangerous way to live. Why? Because at the end of that life, you see more regrets and missed opportunities and success. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, is refrain most likely heard on death beds.

You can’t control everything that happens in your life, but (more…)

How to Cope with Falling, Failing, and Freaking Out: My Bankruptcy Story

How to Cope with Falling, Failing, and Freaking Out: My Bankruptcy Story

by | Oct 24, 2010

These last couple of months have been extremely challenging for me (insert my bad relationship, challenged health, and my bankruptcy story here) LIfe has been so challenging that I felt like giving up on a lot of things including this blog, my work, life as I know it; don’t worry I’m not going checkout or anything. It’s just what I was feeling at the time.

What I’m dealing with, I’m sure many of you can relate. Just yesterday, a fellow blogger talked about it on her blog and I left a comment about how I’m feeling. It has been quite valley experience filled with tears, too many doughnuts, and deep sighs. I still put on a happy face for my kids and the world but I’m living/climbing the rough side of the mountain as the song goes. I have been writing a friend about my experience, and they said I should share my experience with you and chronicle my saga. It may actually help someone else.

Falling…

Into a pit of despair. Feels like hands are reaching up to grab me. Sounds like something from a bad Halloween movie right, but it still feels like falling. Pits are dark and that is how my days have been in spite of the abundant sunshine outside. I get through because of and for my kids. I get through because of my job and the need to maintain my livelihood. I get through because I have to.

Honestly, I want you a year-long break, a sabbatical from all the things I have to do (loving my kids not included). On this break, I will move to a very warm place that has a beach, get up whenever I want, write, and play. Playing is good and I really don’t do enough of it.

Failing…

So what’s failing? Everything and nothing. My wisdom tooth certainly is. I am having oral surgery on Monday to fix it but this time up until that day is filled with Advil and Orajel. I talk about it a bit in my tweets. The pain on one side of my face has been making me cranky. When I put on the Orajel some gets on my tongue and lips so they become numb like my gum area around the bad tooth. Some of it may even go down the side of my throat and numb that too! Oy vey! Swallowing actually took some thought and effort for a minute! LOL! The Advil is a godsend because it relieves the pain for a good six hours. The combination of the two is a blessing until Monday’s surgery.

But my tooth is not the only thing failing in my life. It’s a significant relationship that I thought was getting better and was wanted mutually. But I’m in relationship limbo or purgatory. Ironically, I’ve been here before and I’ve heard all the excuses and felt the same sense of aloneness. It can be better described as a relationship hell. The difference is, now, as compared to what seems like a million times before, I am not moved by it.

It’s funny how life happens and how the things you thought would be the most painful, isn’t. I’m at a point of just wanting this thing (can’t call a relationship because people actually relate in a relationship right?) to be over. Officially over. That’s my last hurdle, where this thing is concerned. Let’s just get it over already! I’m not putting any effort or emotional energy into it anymore so I suppose that’s why I’m not a complete emotional basket case. I really cannot afford to care. Like I tell my daughter, been there, done that, got the T-shirt, and threw it away.

Freaking out…

So far I’ve talked about my health and my relationship. Now it’s time to talk about my money. After all, that’s primarily what Rich Single Momma is about right? So here’s what I’m freaking out about. I’m practically debt-free. I should be celebrating right? I suppose I should if I went through a multi-year process of scrimping, saving, denying, myself the pleasures of life and pouring all my funds into reducing the debt I had. But I didn’t do that.

After much thought and prayer, I decided my best option was to file for bankruptcy. The bulk of my debt was incurred in my marriage. My ex had horrible credit, and I was his meal ticket for the finer things in life. My good credit was the catalyst for trips and toys and entertainment for him. Everything, I mean everything was put in my name, and like a good Christian wife I allowed it, was manipulated into it, and even conned into it. I later learned, from his own mouth, that I was just one of his many victims. He set his sights on me to get what he wanted out of me.

During the separation, he decided he was not going to assume payments on a car he was driving, which was in my name, and for which I had to keep making payments. Everything was not his fault because I incurred a bit of debt myself, but the bulk of his debt was the reason I file bankruptcy. After years of mental torture and fear and stress, I saved the money for an attorney and had the papers filed in June.

Two weeks ago, my bankruptcy was discharged and now I’m a debt-free woman (except I still have student loans). So I’m freaking out because I don’t know what to do with myself without his debt load on my shoulders. Don’t get me wrong though, my student loans are substantial, but that’s just one debt I have to pay back versus over 20 different items.

When I got my discharge papers, I celebrated with a bottle of sparkling grape juice (hehe). I’m thankful for the relief provided under the law. I am one of the millions who has felt the effects of this economic downturn. I have a fresh start and it feels scary, but I will get used to it.

I am currently avoiding debt like the plague because I want is freedom to last for a long time. My failing tooth health will be over soon and so will my failing relationship. With both, I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief sooner than later. My fallen emotional state will rise again because I am setting my sights on another kind of freedom. More on that coming soon. So even though things have been rough for me lately I still press on, fight on, live on, because I expect brighter days ahead.

I am not sure if what I’ve shared helps you or not, but it helps me to share and to get this out of my head and on to paper/computer screen.

Have you been through bankruptcy? How did it make you feel? Did it help or hurt your financial life?

How to Motivate Yourself During Difficult Times

by | Oct 18, 2010

I wrote a guest post at Mom It Forward:

Single Mom depression solution

When I was a young single mom I carried a lot of stress, because I was going through a very difficult time. I had two small children and had moved to a new town to start a new life. Eventually I enrolled in college and set out to earn my degree while working and taking care of the kids.

Although life with my kids was filled with joy, there were days when my motivation was low and I just wanted to lay down and give up. I felt like the hardest thing in the world was to juggle three major things in my life. Being a mom is a hard job, but add being a full time student with all of the studying and tests, and then a job I need to provide for my little family—it was all just overwhelming.

The hardest thing to do when you are going through hard times is to get motivated. The dark clouds become a constant friend and your body begins to slowly decay.

Read the four tips I share over at Mom It Forward for How to Motivate Yourself During Difficult Times.

How to Create a Spending Plan (or Budget), Part 2

by | Oct 3, 2010

In part 1 of, How to Create a Spending Plan (or Budget) I discussed the importance of having a spending plan to know where your money is going and avoid unnecessary stress. If you don’t have a plan you will not have money left over for emergencies, special purchases, or holidays.

The first two steps of creating a spending plan is to find out how much you earn and tracking your expenses. Now here are the next three steps. (more…)

How to Create a Spending Plan (or Budget), Part 1

by | Oct 3, 2010

How to Create a Spending Plan BudgetMost people live paycheck to paycheck, and spend what they want whenever they want. But if you keep up that pattern long enough, you’ll soon discover that the money runs out before you’ve paid all the bills, and there is never any left over for emergencies, special purchases or holidays. To get control of your household spending and start saving you will need to set up a household spending plan.

A Spending Plan
The thought of having to stick to a spending plan might make you cringe. It sounds restrictive and boring. But if you are serious about creating wealth, a spending plan can actually give you freedom. You will have control over your finances, know where your money is going, and have a plan to reach your financial goals. Not spending on a few things that you can do without right now means you will be able to spend on larger, more important purchases in the future.

Here are some easy household spending plan strategies you can use to get started. (more…)