The Myth of the Desperate Single Mom

by | Mar 14, 2011

A survey of what single moms really want and how to be a supportive friend

Recently I conducted an informal survey to get a general profile of single moms. I admit that I had to bribe them a little to get them to complete it because, like most people, they are really busy. But the results were wonderfully enlightening and confirm what I know about single moms.

They/we are NOT all desperate for money and a man. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have both, but they’ve proven it’s nothing to be desperate about.

On average, the single moms I surveyed earned a decent wage each year. They have 1-2 children. They work full-time and more than half have college degrees or are in college to advance their careers.

The top two desires they have are to learn how to make more money and find time to be alone or get things done. This is a far cry from the portrayal we see in the news, on TV shows, and in movies.

The Stigma

As modern as this world claims to be, there are still a few pervasive thoughts about single motherhood. Many still believe single moms are lazy, desperate, and unhappy. The idea that every single mom is somehow a basket case is laughable.

The reality is most single moms are healthy and well-adjusted (or at least on their way of becoming that way).

The “Profile”

Since the beginning of time there have been single moms. The way they became solo parents was mostly through widowhood. Their husbands died and for whatever reason they never remarried. Most did, but a select few didn’t. Today single moms come in all shapes, sizes and circumstances.

There are widowed, divorced, and never married single moms. There are young and older single moms. There are wealthy and poor single moms. The thing that makes them the same is lack of a partner.

This lack could be because of death, a divorce because they chose to leave an abusive or unfaithful spouse; or a choice because they wanted a child or lack of planning and they made the decision to keep the child.

Some single moms have one child or multiple children. Some manage them well, while others struggle. Many have a solid support system, while the rest may struggle through alone.

Income levels vary as well. The more education she has the higher her income is likely to be. The opposite is also true. Today, about 50% of single moms are college educated and making a comfortable wage to care for their children.

Wrong Perceptions

Despite the success of many single moms, there is still a wrong perception about them in general. These generalizations are most prominent in the media through movies and television shows.

We see the poverty stricken mother who turns tricks to buy milk for the kids, or moms who accept abuse and unfaithfulness from a low class man. Still, more often than not, the single mom portrayed in the media is an opportunist vis a vis Nadya Shulman who will go to any length to make a buck or exploit her children.

Other negative perceptions include the man chaser, the sex kitten, and the stripper. All imply the single mom is somehow interested in only money or sex. Which further implies she is a woman of low morals and a blight on society.

Just a Normal Person with a Different Marital Status

The way single mothers are often portrayed is far from the norm. She is more likely than not a really cool person. She has the same hopes, dreams, fears and failures as the average person.

Her marital status may be outside of the traditional spectrum of an intact family, but she is an integral part of society.

Unfortunately she has the added pressure of trying parent without the emotional and financial support of a loving spouse.

What single moms face most often is isolation. If she does not have a strong support system and group of friends, she can go days or weeks without any social outlet.

Another issues is dealing with everyday logistics. How will she pick up one child from school when she has to give an important presentation during the same time? This and a million other scenarios can raise her stress level tremendously because it’s all on her to work out.

Though situations like happens to partnered or married people, it is doubly stressful for your neighborhood single mom.

Instead of jumping to a conclusion about her character when she seems grouchy or on the verge of tears, make it a point to get to know her. You may discover she is no different than you.

Getting to Know the Person

Opening your self to knowing a woman with no husband or significant other my feel uncomfortable at first. For some reason people feel irrational guilt or pity when they talk to single moms.

This is not what she is expecting or wants. She just wants to be treated like a normal person.

It’s likely you interact with single moms in everyday life. She is the person who works hard, laughs easily, or offers to lend a helping hand. She might be planning her child’s birthday party or planning to buy a home.

Her life is probably quiet and filled with more love than drama. She may be quiet or the life of the party. The only way to know this is to simply say a kind word or invite her to lunch.

And remember, she probably doesn’t want your husband or boyfriend. She is likely not trying to seduce you or take advantage of your kindness.

As with every person you meet, you will have to use your own judgment to decide if the single mom in your office, neighborhood, or church is a quality person. I’m simply asking that you don’t write her with the assumptions you have about single mom.

5 Ways to Save Money for Your Home Business

by | Mar 11, 2011

The following is a guest post by Tom Walker

With the economy still struggling today, it has put many businesses under a huge amount of financial stress. Every home business should sit back and carefully evaluate their own finances to determine where their own money is going. To retain financial success, it will be imperative for one to learn exactly how they can control the money. The following are just five ways that you can save money for your home business: (more…)

Three Types Of Life Insurance Coverage You Do Not Need

by | Mar 3, 2011

This is a guest post by Hank Coleman who is a staff writer at Online Insurance Quotes.

There are many unscrupulous insurance sales people in the market that prey on people’s fears in order to get them to buy insurance they do not need. Far too often, consumers buy insurance policies for coverage that squanders their insurance premiums a few dollars a month. Many additional policy features that are offered by insurance companies such as cancer insurance, accidental death insurance, and insurance for minor children are unneeded, have a very low probability of occurrence, and often duplicate insurance coverage that you already have through your family’s main life insurance policy. (more…)

Living the Balanced Life

by | Mar 2, 2011

Family life is always in flux, and sometimes these changes can be subtle, or take place over time. It is easy to say that we all need to achieve balance in our lives, but it can be hard to do-especially when we think balance means spending equal time in each area of life. Mothers can’t comprehend how to achieve balance with just one child, let alone three or four. Likewise, career people often feel that they are too busy to achieve balance-that their job controls too much of their time.

Once you know your Core Desires and understand what balance really is, you’ll more readily attain it. A balanced life should be the kind of a life where you have achieved a high level of harmony and satisfaction in all areas-at the same time.

A person who seeks wealth at the expense of family relationships, health, or peace of mind is not only not living a balanced life but is being robbed of the great joy to be found in the areas being ignored. The reverse can also be true. People who are so focused on family that they can’t-or won’t-do what it takes to earn the money needed to support the lifestyle they want are living an unbalanced life. These are people who are so focused on other things that they end up ignoring the most important people in their lives-their families.

You cannot achieve balance by seeing life as a matter of set hours devoted to all areas. By trying to give equal time, you quickly run out of hours. When you do the math, you’ll find you sleep about eight hours out of twenty-four. If you work, your job requires at least eight hours, leaving you just eight hours to focus on family, spiritual, and mental well-being. No wonder most of us try to cram so
much into the weekends.

Achieving daily-or even weekly-balance is very difficult for most people. However, you can certainly achieve balance over a fifteen- to thirty-day time frame. It is not only possible, but also very rewarding and important. If, in that period of time, you find any of your Core Desires in any area of life unfulfilled, you give them the attention needed to fill that particular cup.

When you are hungry, you eat. When your heart aches or longs for fulfillment in any area, do something about it. Whenever you feel that something important in your life is missing, that’s a signal you are overlooking one of your Core Desires.

Balance means that we are getting whatever we want in all areas of life. Living with a deficit for a prolonged period always results in unhappiness, discontent, depression, burnout, stress, and continually thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

Because your children grow up and become adults before you know it, you must make the transition with them-treating them appropriately by recognizing when your job of parenting is over and offering advice only upon request. As your own parents age, you may find yourself in reverse roles. So flexibility, giving, sharing, patience, and forgiveness are all keys to success in long-lasting, bountiful, and fulfilling family relationships.

Author’s Bio

Jack M. Zufelt is a bestselling author and has achieved worldwide recognition for teaching people the true cause of all achievement. His life’s mission is to impart the truth about-and dispel the myths surrounding-success and achievement. Want to achieve better results? How about live a fuller life with more happiness, joy, and satisfaction? Discover Jack’s DNA of Success and live the life you’ve always wanted… Click Here -> http://www.DNAofSuccess.com

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How to Achieve Your Financial Desires

by | Mar 1, 2011

I went from a low income to being in the top 0.5 percent in the nation in earnings in less than two years-and I only have a high school education. I am living proof that the lack of a formal education is not a hindrance to high income or happiness. I was driven by a Core Desire to make money because I hated being broke and I loved what money would give me. These are the real reasons people make money. Many different vehicles exist to make money, but it’s your desire to make money that will drive you to success in that area.

Knowing that the power of the Conquering Force does not allow weaknesses or a lack of current ability to keep you from achieving and succeeding, you can face your financial fears and doubts.

First, let’s get clear on what you must do-and become-to create the kind of income or financial freedom you want. It’s more than just doing the right things or being involved in a good opportunity. You must have or acquire the right paradigm about yourself. When you acquire the proper self-paradigm, you will find that making money is not so hard if you desire it. Many say they want it, but they resist making the necessary changes.

If you truly have a Core Desire to improve your financial situation, you will achieve it. That is why there are so many rags-to-riches stories. People with little if any past success, experience, skills, money, education, or social connections have achieved incredible incomes, because they acquire critical paradigms of themselves.

When you combine three things-a Core Desire for more income, the Success Attitude, and a proper self-paradigm- your financial security is a foregone conclusion. You may get a new job at a much higher salary, get a promotion in your current employment, or start your own business. It’s only a matter of time before the results will be there.

But you should realize that your Core Desires regarding money are usually not the money itself, or the things that money can buy. Rather, they always have to do with the feelings you have when you aren’t living from paycheck to paycheck. You must be honest about your Core Desires and recognize them for what they are. For example, many people want to own and drive a Mercedes, not only because it is one of the safest cars on the road but also because it projects an image that enhances the ego.

Thoughts about money dominate our culture, and they can be either pleasant or disturbing. Most of the daily news today directly concerns money matters. Scan the headlines for yourself. I call this “hard money news.” Although you are exposed daily to such items, you may be unaware of how often money is in your thoughts.

It seems that love and money make the world go ’round. Our fascination with money goes far back in time.

Money can be the root of evil or the seed of much good. You need money to support and feed yourself, to get a college education, to help others, to donate to churches and charities, and to raise children. It takes money to be a philanthropist and leave an endowment to support something you believe in.

Money cannot make you happy, but it can rid you of many things that make you unhappy. To make a lot of money and to prosper are not selfish acts. It is an intelligent and caring person’s responsibility to use his or her Conquering Force to achieve prosperity.

Money will always be an important part of your life, whether you like it or not. Money determines, in most instances, the quality of your life. You can suffer the miseries of financial problems, or you can use your Conquering Force to solve those problems.

According to U. S. News & World Report, today’s typical middle-class family actually has less money to spend now than it did more than a decade ago. Most people suffer from some conditions that hurt their capacity to accumulate wealth. About 95 percent of retired people are financially dependent; most are dependent on family, friends, or charity and find they must continue working-whether they
like it or not.

Far too many people live from day to day, from paycheck to paycheck. They are just surviving, without the joy that can come from adequate prosperity. Most adults consider money problems their biggest cause of stress. The constant worry about money is debilitating. Worrying provides no known benefit and cannot change what will happen tomorrow-but it can weaken your faith, cripple your actions, destroy your peace of mind, and make you feel powerless.

Money issues are a major reason for the breakup of marriages. Money problems affect us all at one time or another, and many of us all the time. Since money problems can ruin our health, cause distress in our personal relationships and our careers, and destroy our happiness and our lifestyles, financial fitness should be a Core Desire for everyone.

Everyone with a Core Desire for financial fitness can achieve it. Financial fitness means being content with your financial life, not wanting for anything, and being free of pressing financial problems. If financial problems are inflicting distress or harm on you or your family, you are not financially fit.

Suppose that I have a crystal ball and can accurately foretell your financial future. You come to me and tell me you want to earn a hundred thousand dollars a year, a sixty- thousand-dollar increase over your current salary. Your Core Desire is to be financially independent, free of debt, own your home outright, and come and go as you please.

I look into my crystal ball and say, “You’ll have exactly what you want. Your income will be a hundred thousand a year, and you’ll be doing what you love to do. But it will take you thirty-nine months to accomplish this. In the meantime, you’ll have many rough experiences. You’ll start two different businesses, and they’ll both fail. You’ll invest fifty-six thousand dollars of borrowed money, and you’ll lose it. You will almost lose your home and your spouse to divorce because you will fight constantly about money. You will struggle to provide the basics, like food and shelter, for your family. Your self-esteem will suffer, but you won’t give up.

“During the course of those failures and struggles, you will meet the right people, who will teach you things you need to know. This will provide the impetus for you to go into a third business. Your third business will struggle before it begins making money. However, after six months your income will exceed five thousand dollars a month. From there, your business will grow faster than you can imagine. After three years you will be earning over a hundred thousand a year, you won’t fight with your mate over money, and you and she will be closer than ever.”

If you knew this prediction was accurate, would you start now? Even knowing that you would face failure twice in the first two years? Even knowing you would have family problems and financial worries? You would probably say, “I want to get started right away.”

Author’s Bio

Jack M. Zufelt is a bestselling author and has achieved worldwide recognition for teaching people the true cause of all achievement. His life’s mission is to impart the truth about-and dispel the myths surrounding-success and achievement. Want to achieve better results? How about live a fuller life with more happiness, joy, and satisfaction? Discover Jack’s DNA of Success and live the life you’ve always wanted… Click Here -> http://www.DNAofSuccess.com

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