Jasmine Guy Says Change Your Mindset Too Many Women Are Living in a Different World

I had an amazing weekend! I went to visit my parents and see the young people in their church get in front of a large group of people to give a speech. These young men are only twelve years old, but they were courageous enough to stand in front of an audience and share a message of hope and the power the youth have to change the world.

Later I got to hang out with some really great people at a costume party and watch the kids have fun playing games. We had a bonfire (sorry no marshmallows this time), lots of laughs and good food.

I returned home early to attend the Annual Challenge to Change Brunch benefiting Chayil (pronounced Ky-ill). Chayil is an Atlanta Women’s Transformation Program that helps women who have experienced domestic violence and are now moving out of a shelter into the real world on their own.

Chayil bridges the gap through providing 24-hour counseling, financial education, and self-esteem coaching. Women who leave an abusive relationship often do not have a place to turn, no resources, and no one to really understand what they are going through.

The brunch was a celebration of the work Chayil does and recognition for community leaders who support the organization and makes a difference in other ways.

Among the recipients of the Challenge to Change award was Jasmine Guy. Yes, the Jasmine Guy, she played the socialite southern belle Whitney Gilbert and kept us in stitches laughing at her antics and southern drawl on A Different World.

For those of you who have never seen that show, it was a spinoff from The Cosby Show.

Ms. Guy has gone on to many other projects in music, dance, and theater productions.

She is an Atlanta native and advocate for change. She was gracious and spoke on the need for a change of mind.

Without a mindset change, a woman that lives in a world of abuse and violence can never hope to really be set free. How often do we hear about women who go back to their abusers? It’s mostly because they do not believe they can make it on their own or their abuser has wounded their mind so much they believe he (or she) actually loves her.

Jasmine Guy

A mental shift cannot happen in a toxic environment. Programs like Chayil makes a way for women to permanently change not just their location, but their minds as well. This powerful shift gives them hope.

Ms. Guy is so right about a need to change your mindset. Even if we are not in an violently abusive situation, it’s important to recognize when we are mentally bound by other types of abuse. It could be verbal, mental, sexual, or financial abuse. They are no better, and no less harmful than physical abuse.

Another thing to remember is abusive relationships are not just from a significant other. It can be from friends (you know, those frenemies you have), family members (that aunt who is always badgering you or just out right mean), a manager, and even a church leader.

The face of abuse comes in many shapes and sizes so we have to recognize when it’s happening to us.

Three sure signs you are being abused are:

  1. Put downs meant to demean you
  2. Name Calling
  3. Using manipulation, guilt, and shame to get you to do something you don’t want to do

If this is happening to you, it’s up to you to stop it. It may seem scary at first, but it is necessary to stay safe both physically and emotionally. No one has a right to abuse you. We teach our kids safety so it’s time we learned how to keep ourselves safe too. This is called learning boundaries.

Here are a few books I read to break the cycle of abuse in my own life:

Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life
Codependent No More

How can you tell when you are being abused? What are the signs? Why do you let it happen? What can you do to stop it?

3 No-Brainer Ways to Earn an Extra $1,000 for the Holiday Season, Part 1

The holidays are just around the corner. I’m surprised how fast this year has flown buy. One of the best times of the year is just a couple months away. The holidays, whether it’s called Christmas, Kwanzaa, or Hanukkah, are all closing in fast.

What Are Your Holiday Plans

What are you going to for yourself and your kids? Are you planning a big holiday or just a quiet, family-only affair?

Do your kids already have their gift list ready (my son does) or do you expect them to shift into high gear after Halloween?

Gift Giving Love It or Hate It?

One thing about the holidays is gift-giving. We either love it or hate it. We love it because it feels good to give. Or we hate it because we probably don’t have enough money to buy nice presents or at least the ones the kids want.

I’ll address how to cut down on that stress and expectations of giving in another post for people who just need an alternative.

But for the people who want to rush into the madness and spread holiday cheer, there are three no-brainer ways to make an extra $1,000 for the holiday season.

No-Brainer #1 – Clean Out Your Closet to Make Extra Money

You’ve probably heard me talk about this before. I have posts here and here about selling your stuff for extra cash.

I talk about it because it really works. Trust me. You really don’t need all those appliances and outdated electronics. Sell them and get some extra cash. If you are crafty you could throw in a few items you have made and sell them too.

Use Quick Research and Craigslist to Sell Effectively

Craigslist is your friend as are other classified ad spaces online. Some local weekly papers allow you to post ads for free. You may have to do a bit of searching but I’m sure you can find two or three places to list your items for sale.

If you are not sure about how much to price your items for, quickly research what others are selling it for. Set a price you feel comfortable with and list it.

Sell Your Used Movies, Games, and Books on Amazon.com

A couple places to sell your used movies, games, and books are Amazon.com (just set up a seller account) and Half.com.

With all this selling you should be able to make $1,000 or close to it by the beginning of December.  So you have time if you just get started.

Get Support with the Make $1,000 Sell Your Stuff Challenge!

I understand that sometimes it’s easier said than done so I’ve created a place to get support. I’m calling it the Make $1,000 Sell Your Stuff Challenge. Head on over to the community and let’s talk about how to make this a reality for you.

This challenge will run for the month of November so jump in as soon as possible.

There is truly power in community so join us. You can register with your Facebook account or you can set it up very quickly. I really would like to see you there and help motivate you to raise this money.

In the next post I will share another way to make $1,000 for the holidays.

The Hand That Really Rules the World

In our current political climate it’s easy to feel uneasy about the way the world is going. As women we sometimes feel powerless as we watch grown men bicker, fight, and sabotage our world because of egos and power struggles.

But we have forgotten just how powerful we really are. We have to find our power and use it for good so our children’s future will be secure. We can do it without running the economy in the ground, without violent protests, and without waging wars that ultimately affects women and children worldwide.

We have to remember (or finally learn) that women truly rule the world. It’s time to take our power back. It’s time to use our gifts to influence the men in our lives (husbands, uncles, brothers, cousins, and friends).

Maybe this poem by William Ross Wallace will put things in perspective for you:

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

Oh, no matter where the place;
Would that never storms assailed it,
Rainbows ever gently curled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Infancy’s the tender fountain,
Power may with beauty flow,
Mother’s first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow–
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our natal sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!
All true trophies of the ages
Are from mother-love impearled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Blessings on the hand of women!
Fathers, sons, and daughters cry,
And the sacred song is mingled
With the worship in the sky–
Mingles where no tempest darkens,
Rainbows evermore are hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.
William Ross Wallace

and for a little modern reminder, courtesy of Summer’s Eve, “Hail to the V”! I love this commercial!

10 Stress Relief Tips for Financially Strapped Single Moms

A while ago I did an informal survey to find out the top stressors for single moms. Money was at the top of the list.

It’s no wonder because, let’s face it, most single moms do not make enough to meet all the bills, clothe, feed, and entertain the household.

In that survey 89% of respondents said they don’t have enough money. They also said the child support they receive is not enough to even purchase milk.

So, if your purse or checking account is a little light these days, you’ll want to take steps to reduce your financial hardship and relieve your stress.

There’s nothing more stressful than feeling like you can’t make ends meet.  Here are some tips to help alleviate your stress.

1.  Be realistic about your problem.  Many people use avoidance to manage their money.  Sometimes it’s scary to see what the real deal about our accounts. Have you ever had those days when you needed to buy groceries and was scared the card was going to be declined because there was not enough money in your account.

The problem with this is that you continue to have the same problems over and over.  Every time you have to pay a bill, you end up feeling the same stress over and over.  While you may have moments of freedom from care, deep down you’ll always be worried about money.

2.  Track your spending.  Part of getting real about your situation is to track how much money you spend.  When you really see how much you have going out, you’re bound to find some places where you can make different choices that are more financially sound. Check out online financial tools like Mint.com and SmartPig.com to track your expenses. Another way is to review your online bank account daily or at least 3-4 times per week.

3.  Trim expenses.  Look for as many ways to trim expenses as possible.  For some people that means letting go of their early morning coffee shop trip.  For others it may mean to eliminate cable service.  There are many luxuries we tend to think of as necessities.  You need to get rid of any expenditures that are luxuries when you really can’t afford them. While you are trimming your expenses look for alternatives like making your own coffee at home or subscribing to a cheap DVD service.

4.  Focus on free activities.  If you look around, you’re bound to find things you can do in your community that are free or very inexpensive.  This is a great way to save money on entertainment while still being able to relax and enjoy down time. Check your local newspaper online for activities or subscribe to local blogs that report on local happenings.

5.  Look for ways to increase income.  Sometimes just making a little more money can relieve your budget a lot.  Try working seasonal, part-time, or temporary jobs to bring in a little extra money.  Internet marketing also provides a way to work from home with flexible hours. Do a survey of your skills and begin offering them to make extra money. Tell your friends and families about your service.

6.  Focus on the family.  Life can be even more stressful when parents feel like they’re the only ones with the responsibility to deal with family finances.  While you don’t need to burden your children with financial fears, you do need to teach them how to manage money.  Let them be part of household financial decisions.

7.  Improve job skills.  When you need more income in your household, it may be time to improve your job skills.  Workshops and certifications can help you to land a better, higher-paying job. There are many free and low cost online places to learn new or upgrade your skills. Check out Lynda.com for a low cost online learning solution.

8.  Live within your means. Many people live in homes that are too expensive with car payments they really can’t afford.  It may be time for you to downsize to a less expensive lifestyle in order to save yourself financially.

9.  Focus on your health.  When finances are stressful, other areas of your life tend to go along.  In times of financial stress continue to eat healthy foods and get regular exercise.  This will help to reduce stress and keep you healthy.

10.  Improve relaxation.  If your mind is busy with the stress of financial problems, it helps to take a few moments each day to get centered.  Meditation for just a few minutes each day can help you to feel better.  You can also try stretching your body to release tension.

It’s easy to be stressed about money. Hopefully you found a few tips above to begin changing this in your life.

I admit I still feel stressed sometimes about money. It can be habit forming, but it’s important for my health and peace of mind to find other ways to cope.

To recap: How to Beat Financial Stress for Single Moms

How do you handle financial stress? Which tip speaks to you?

 

Who the Hell Has Time To Work Out? And Other Ridiculous Statement Single Mom’s Make

By Golda Smith

To exercise or not to exercise is not the question. Many of us know that we should exercise however, if we’re being totally truthful, many of us would admit that we don’t want to. And as a single mom, it gets just a little bit more complicated…or so we think.

“The common way that people give up their power is thinking they don’t have any” –Alice Walker

Perhaps you’ve wanted to lose a few pounds that you’ve been carrying around since your last child was born. You want to wear your skinny jeans. You want to walk up a flight of stairs without stopping every few seconds. You want to run and play with your children effortlessly. You want more energy. You want to feel good and look good naked.

Sadly, you FEEL that life as a single parent, working full time, perhaps with a second job or attending school coupled with the responsibilities of maintaining your household doesn’t leave time to take care of you.

How can I say this gently…YOU make time for those tasks that are important to you! If you feel offended…that’s your ego, tell it to go on an extended vacation.

What are you telling yourself subconsciously when you don’t make time to exercise and what message are you sending to your children when you continuously place them and everyone else ahead of you.

Now I’m not suggesting that you shun your responsibilities. What I am suggesting is that you begin to get real with yourself about what you can do to get more active.

For starters, first identify what type of activity you enjoy. Is it running, dancing, yoga, Pilates, swimming or something else? This is something for everyone.

If you can’t attend a live class and as a single parent I understand, there are many programs that you can go through via a DVD or with a virtual coach. Go to bed a little earlier and rise a little earlier before the kids get up and get your work out in.

Perhaps you and your children can work out together. Now how’s that for quality family time? Now you’re demonstrating, not just giving lip service, to your kids the importance of exercise.

I also want to encourage you to be realistic with your goals. For example, if you haven’t been working out for a while then perhaps you want to set your goal to exercise a minimum of 2-3 days a week for 30 minutes. That’s a very doable goal.

You want to set yourself up for success. From there, you can adjust your goals as you see fit but remember to keep them specific.

Right now, I’m training for a 5k. I haven’t been running in a while so I’m easing my way back into training and this is a very doable goal. Next stop…half marathon. If this single mom can do it, then so can you.

Remember, a healthy mommy is a happy mommy and a happy mommy equals a happy household.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net