I remember so clearly when my son was little. He was seven when his father and I divorced, and we moved out of state. Sure, we struggled, but we had many good times, too. I was a super-involved single mom. When he was in elementary school, I knew all of his teachers. I attended class parties, and I never missed a parent-teacher conference.
I made sure he was involved in fun extra-curricular activities with other boys his age. We were very active in Cub Scouts. The Pinewood Derby was always my favorite event! Together, we built several cars that won the race! I was a very proud Derby Mama; I knew how to polish those axels and make the cars go FAST!
He joined a basketball team for several years, and that really helped him grow. I was there for every practice and game, and I was the mom who kept track of all the players’ statistics. My son was good at defense, but he never wanted to shoot. I’ll never forget the one time he was in the perfect spot to get a basket. The parents were sitting on the bleachers wondering what he would do. Then, he threw the ball and made the basket! We all got on our feet and cheered.
But sports were not his passion. And he decided not to continue with Boy Scouts.
My adorable little boy was becoming one of the most feared creatures on Earth; the teenager with an attitude. He loved to argue with me. Everything I said was wrong. He was still doing pretty well in school, which was certainly a relief. But home was a different story. We got along fine as long as he was doing and getting what he wanted. But when I needed him to do something for me or the household, it wasn’t happening and an argument erupted.
The Challenges of Raising Teen-Aged Sons
Being the mother of a teen boy can be so challenging! I’m five-feet, three inches tall on a good day, and my son towered over me when he was only thirteen. His father lived out of state, so I was on my own with this kid. How in the world would life be bearable until he graduated from high school?
As a mom, I was tempted to just give in to his wishes to make peace in our home. I certainly did not look forward to the days that, after being at work for nine hours, there would be a huge knock-down, drag-out waiting for me at home.
Truths About Raising a Teen-Aged Son
I needed to remind myself of several important truths:
I’m the adult, not him. This was my home, and he was allowed to share it with me. I paid the bills, and I made the rules. Even though he is absolutely sure that he knows more than I do, I know that I’m right. I need to stand my ground and be the adult.
Giving in to his demands will not help him. As a parent, it’s my job to raise a child into an adult. This boy needs to become a strong man, and I need to help him. This means that he needs to understand that the choices he makes will have consequences, whether they are good or bad. If he chooses to not complete his school work, he will suffer the consequences of that choice. It’s not my job to bail him out. The same rules apply at home. If he decides not to do a household chore that is his responsibility, I will provide the consequences.
Enabling him and bailing him out will not help him. It would have been so easy for me to clean up after him, cook all his meals, and just give in, in order to keep peace in my house. But is that teaching him how to be a strong, independent man? No!
Parents have more power than we think we do. It seems that many parents today are almost afraid to discipline their children. It is okay if we don’t give our children every single thing they want. “No,” is a complete sentence. We do not need to give them an explanation for the decisions we make.
This difficult time with my son is only a season. It won’t last forever. I know that it’s my job to help him grow into a successful young man, and he won’t always enjoy the process! I’m looking forward to the day, maybe five or ten years down the road, when I hear the words, “Mom, you were right!”
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Happy New Year and welcome to a fresh start! Last year sucked for so many people. I had some challenges too so I’m glad 2016 is behind me. Now we have the chance to start again with a fresh new sheet of paper.
Last year sucked for so many people. I had some challenges too so I’m glad 2016 is behind me. Now we have the chance to start again with a fresh new sheet of paper.
We get to write a new story for a new chapter of our lives. There are a lot of opinions about how to make it a great year, how to keep your resolutions, and how to be successful. There are even these lists of 17 things floating around for how to make 2017 great.
Personally, I get overwhelmed with a list that’s over five items so to keep it simple for everyone I only have three things to do to make 2017 the best ever.
Here are my top three tips for how to have the best new year ever
1. Stop caring about what other people think
As I get older I care less and less about what other people think, but this year I cared way too much. Big mistake. I was miserable trying to keep up with the opinions of others. That was a total failure.
This year I’m pulling the rug out from under the opinions of others who are not where I want to be or have not experienced what I have experienced. I’m taking the attitude of Trust, but verify. I have to do a gut check to see if what others are saying, the advice they are handing out like lollipops, is worth the time and energy to follow.
Take a page out of my book and just stop caring about what other people think. Start following your heart instead. You know the answers and if you don’t pray for wisdom and trust that God will give you the right answers and send the right people your way.
2. Do you (improve along the way)
We live in such a copycat world right now that it’s hard to know what is genuinely you and what is someone else’s influence. Social media plays a huge part in this phenomenon. However, you have to decide to do what you do best and forget about the rest.
Embrace your personality, your quirks, even your dark side. In the process, you will learn to trust and love yourself more so you have more to give your children and the world when it’s time. The hidden benefit of doing you is your level of self-acceptance increases.
When you accept yourself it is easier to make small improvements along the way. It is fun and you don’t feel the pressure of having to change because someone else said you should.
3. Plan for success and focus only on what you want
Finally, make a plan for success. How?
Simply decide what you want for the year (I suggest the top 3 things), write it down and post where you will see it each day.
The next thing is to focus only on what you want and ignore the rest. You almost have to have tunnel vision so you can’t see the distractions or the B.S. that is constantly coming up. This is the key and what they mean about living your life on purpose.
If you want to go to school put it on the list. Start with getting information about the school, programs, and enrollment dates. Talk to an adviser about your goals. Then register for a class to test out whether it is right for you.
Just stay focused on the activities that will get you toward your goals. Let the rest fall our of your view.
If you do these three things for the first three months of the year, the rest of the year will be on fire! Amazing! Unstoppable!
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Grab my course, How to Unleash Your Unstoppable Power, for only $.99 (plus you get unlimited access to 1,000s of other courses for 3 months)! In my course you will discover the 16 steps to living fearlessly and authentically for the rest of your life, one day at a time.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
A few years ago I was dealing with debilitating single mom stress, well just plain stress, to the point that I started having hot flash and night sweats on an hourly basis. It was really bad! I couldn’t think straight because my mind was foggy. I was dealing with depression, doing the model mommy thing, and working through dissolving a toxic relationship. This went on for a year or so when I finally decided to get help. I went to the doctor and they put me on anti-depressants and start me on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) because I was entering menopause. I was only 32 years old! Ugh!
I did the anti-depressants for a couple of months and I refused to go on HRT. The meds I was taking was making me feel like my head was detached from my body. I really couldn’t function and I was afraid I was not going to be alert enough to take care of my kids. I was also scared to drive even though I hadn’t taken medicine for a couple of days. The affects of the medicine was still in my system making me feel drowsy and crazy in my head. I had to do something so I researched a few natural therapies I could use to deal with the stress.
I found out about lavender, meditation, EFT, and Valerian root. I used a combination of these things to finally get stress relief.
I use Valerian Root first. I heard about it when I was younger so I knew it had a calming affect. I could take it everyday without it making me drowsy and disconnected. It was not addictive so I started taking it daily. I felt better within a week. I slept better at night and didn’t feel jittery or nervous.
The next thing I tried was EFT or emotional freedom technique. I was researching ways to deal with the emotional issues I was having and came across this new method of treating them. I learned how to do the technique and got some results. It wasn’t until years later that I really started using it and got unbelievable results. I’ll have to do a different post on just this method alone.
Stress Relief Tip #3
Finally, I started using lavender. I bought sachets to put under my pillow at night and found spray products that had the fragrance in it. I really like it because of the smell and the calming affects. Recently I bought a product off Amazon called Tranquility by Phytopia. It’s a massage oil that has a very nice lavender fragrance. It’s strong but not overwhelming so I can use it at night, which is how they recommend you use it. I slept for eight hours and felt great the next morning.
I don’t know what kind of stress you are dealing with personally. If it’s anything like mine was I recommend that you run to the health food store or Amazon (free 2-day shipping is awesome) and pick up the items I used. You can go to the EFT website and read more about it or search for it on YouTube.
Being on anti-depressants wasn’t the answer for me. I could not function and I did not know what kind of damage it was doing to my body. I just didn’t want to risk addiction. Dealing with the issues was the best thing for me because I wanted to be completely healed from the stress, depression, anxiety, and other emotional issues.
Watch the video, 3 Quick Single Mom Stress Relief Tips, if you don’t want to read it
Get Help and Get Healthy!
If you are dealing with dark thoughts, feel like you can’t get yourself together, or want to harm yourself (or your kids) please get help. Do not suffer alone!
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Should I give my kid a cellphone? That has been a question parents have been asking for almost a decade now. I remember when my daughter first asked me for a cellphone. I wasn’t excited about the idea but I knew she would not stop asking me for one because all her friends had one. She was 12 years old and growing up fast. What could I do? Should kids under age 16 have a phone?
These days most parents would say yes. i understand that there are no more pay phones and kids need them if there is no home phone. Being a latchkey kid comes with it’s issues already but not having a way to communicate adds another set of issues. My daughter was a latchkey kid for a short time so I get it. But I think there should be limitations.
This was my biggest concern when my daughter asked for a phone. This was back in the day before iPhones came out. The Blackberry was all the rage so there were other brands that had similar features. Access to the internet was new but it was coming fast.
Lexi (my daughter) wanted a nice smartphone but I wasn’t having it. She would have to settle for a Tracphone or a similar type. She would be able to dial the number, get text messages, and no data plane.
When my son got older he began asking for a phone. Technology was much better now so the smartphones seemed like the only option. A few months earlier I came across a great deal from Freedom Pop to buy a Samsung Galaxy 3 pretty inexpensively and I’d get free talk, text, and limited data. I jumped at it so I had a phone. Not long after that I upgraded to a different phone and plan. I gave my son the Samsung and sent him on his way. He has a nicer phone than my daughter did but he has limitations like she did.
My daughter’s Tracphone prepaid plan was pretty pitiful. I can laugh about it now but back then she was not too happy. She had 100 minutes, maybe 300 text messages, and she got charged each time she checked her voicemail, LOL! It was awful. But it taught her responsibility. She could not talk endlessly on the phone and text all the time. She basically limited her talk and text time to me and close family. Over the years she has gotten upgraded phones and plans but she still does not talk very much and she has started to text her friends more.
My son’s limited plan has had a similar affect. He rarely talks on the phone and he barely sends text messages. Maybe it has to do with being home-schooled and not feeling peer pressure. He doesn’t use the data plan much either because he’s on wifi at our house most of the time. Best of all I saved money by putting them on pre-paid or free cellphone plans!
I can’t see giving kids under 16 a generous or unlimited plan for two major reasons:
They are not paying for it
They have no opportunity to learn self-control and responsibility for what they have
Other parents may disagree but I know that limited the cell phone type and plans for my kids have saved me thousands of dollars and taught them responsibility and self control.
Does Cellphones Increase Drama for Teens?
My sister mentioned a conversation she had with a co-worker. Her son is girl-crazy and is having a lot of problems out of him. My sister told her that her son, who is the same age, doesn’t have this issue and that it could be that he doesn’t have a cellphone. The lady admitted that maybe that was where she went wrong.
A phone in itself cannot control behavior but it can be a contributing factor.
So should kids under 16 have a cell phone? I think they can if you as the parent put limitations on the type and plan. Can you trust a 13 year old to keep a $400 phone safe, free from cracked screens, or from being stolen? Can a 10 year old truly be responsible if given an unlimited plan and the latest iPhone?
I don’t think so. That’s my opinion, but the boundaries I set with my kids have been successful.
What about you? How old was your child when you gave him/her a cellphone? Has it been a headache for you?
Disclaimer: This post contains links to products recommendations for which I may be paid a referral fee. This helps keep this blog up and running with quality content. Thank you for your support over the years!
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
I’ve been procrastinating about doing spring cleaning at my house. I admit that I’m not a Suzy homemaker. I tried that when my kids were little and I almost had a mini breakdown. I have a good reason — I was a full-time mom, student, and employee.
The pressure was great okay!
Spring Cleaning Begins
So this week I began the spring cleaning process but first to Walmart to pick up a few cleaning supplies. Since I didn’t want to do a lot of scrubbing I needed something to make the job easier. I decided on Scrubbing Bubbles® and Windex®.
The first thing I need to tackle is my bathroom. I have to do the tub, a garden tub mind you, which is kinda big, the toilet, the shower, and the sinks.
The process of cleaning was basic. I followed the instructions on the bottle to spray to cover the area I wanted to clean. Since the Scrubbing Bubbles® is suppose to do all the work I sprayed the tub, sink, toilet, and shower. Now to let the magic happen.
I actually forgot that I sprayed down the bathroom but when I walked back into my bedroom I smelled the spray. I went in to clean the tub first which was more or less a rinse off. The toilet was sparkly white. No scrubbing there and basically the same with the sink. Shower needed a little more work on the floor part but the rest was great!
The Results of the 1st Phase of Spring Cleaning
Here is the before and after for the garden tub:
Here is the before and after for the sink
I loved being able to keep the work down to a minimum. This was a good start to spring cleaning. I think I can move on to the next phase. Closets! 😉
This post was sponsored in part by SCJ and Walmart but the opinions are wholly mine. FTC Disclaimer
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Have you ever asked yourself “Why am I on this roller coaster ride? How do I get off?” What can you do to silence the nagging voice that keeps whispering in your ear “just quit”? Despite having faith and juggling life, as a single mom, there will be times that feel like everything is suffocating you. This does not indicate weakness. This is life—the life of a single parent. While I have no silver bullet that will help you defeat trying times, I do have a set of invaluable coping strategies that will empower you on your journey.
These are the 5 coping strategies:
Crying-Purge set some things free
As much as crying yourself to sleep at night will bring no positive result or qualified answers to the problem that you are facing in the moment, it is still effective. Crying is a purging process that ultimately relieves some of the heaviness you carry daily.
Faith- You have to have something you believe in and that fills you up
Having faith to know and believe that no matter what is happening in your life there is something greater than you and will never fail you is critical. Believe in the power of the universe to hold you up, show you the way, and open up closed doors when you have met the end of your own strength.
Quiet Time- Rest your mind, Reclaim your power and Rejuvenate your spirit
As a single mother, a lot is asked of you. You give until you have nothing left in you. Take the appropriate time to sort things out and to spend some time alone relaxing your mind.
Self-Improvement-Feed yourself positivity. Feed Your Mind
It is critical that you as a single mother do not stop growing and becoming better. It keeps your mind alert and continues to open up the door to opportunities to offer more to your children. And let’s be honest, it is good to lead by example.
Devotion/Meditation- Tap into your inner core
My favorite scripture is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” from Philippians 4:6. Whether it is to run over, step over, climb over, roll over, or even crawl over the mountains before you, it has to be done; quitting is never the only option. Single mother’s you must pull out your mantra/verse and recite it with unwavering belief to produce the inner strength and power to make it a little longer.
These strategies are a starting point for overcoming the “I quit” syndrome. You have no barriers or boundaries except the ones you create. Single mother’s, you will never be faultless or handle every situation the right way, but you can give your best. You are more than you think you are and can go much further than you know. Be confident and be bold. You must have faith to know that you are chosen, equipped, and ready to change the face of the next generation. You have to release “I quit” in order to receive “I can”.
About the Author
Grayce Bernard is the founder of IMPAC, Inc. and the author of the book: Raising Giants-Repurposing the Life of the Single Mother. She helps women break the cycle of generational poverty to build wealth by creating a life plan and step into a bigger vision of herself. C. Grayce serves as a voice and advocate for the voiceless. She specifically helps single mothers reframe their stories of shame into stories of empowerment. C. Grayce Bernard is a coach, speaker, trainer and transformational leader. Book C. Grayce Bernard for your upcoming event at443.364.8789 or email: cgb@cgraycebernard.com. Connect with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
