The following article is in response to a popular message board trend about complaining about dead beat daddies and child support dependence. Feel free to reply with your reactions.
Ever dream of finding the right way to forget about your deadbeat baby daddy, stop depending on unreliable child support, and start changing your life? Many single moms have actually done that. Most, however, never work through the daydream stage. Many lacked the desire to research, learn, and put a plan in motion, so all they do is dream, whine and complain about how he’s a deadbeat.
So what is the positive impact of letting go? The negatives were covered all right, but why not consider the positives? Before we let the negatives rule, the positives deserve a fair hearing. Let’s examine 5 positive reasons in favor of attempting to forget about your deadbeat baby daddy and inadequate child support to see those that ring true.
First, He’s proven he doesn’t want to be a part of the life of you and your child. I completely understand your rationale in thinking you had something special at one time, after all you had a baby together. I agree that that’s a rather valid objection, but please consider, if he hasn’t paid one red cent (or barely $100 a year) since the day the baby was born, he’s not interested in being a part of your lives. And moreover, you will need to consider you might be better off without him.
Second, He’s probably more interested in the next conquest than raising a child with you. The leading reason behind that is he’s too immature to want to be a parent. And also afraid of any type of real responsibility.
Third, your anger and constant nagging about his inability to be a real man keeps him running. Plus perhaps your habit of broadcasting his failures to your girlfriends and the rest of the world.!
Fourth, you are giving him control of your life every second you remain angry at him.
And Fifth, you can create a better life for you and your child when you take the focus off of him and make plans for financial security because of your own efforts.
After you have had a chance to go over the reasons, and think about them, you’ll find that a top notch case can be made in favor of forgetting about your deadbeat baby daddy and moving on with your life..
Just think about it. Perhaps you really, in all seriousness, should forget fighting tooth and nail for him to be a father and sending money to help support your child.
As soon as you examine each of the reasons and evaluate them, you will have to admit that a very compelling case can be made for starting to consider how you can forget about your deadbeat baby daddy and create drama-free life with all the trimmings.
So maybe, just maybe, you really should forget about depending on child support from a man who’s proven he doesn’t want to be responsible for taking care of his child.
That’s just my two cents worth. It’s heartbreaking to see so many single mom struggle with this issue. The bottom line is it’s time to take control of our lives and destiny.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I am greatful that there is a platform where I can air my views about the article above. I am going through this dillema and I have been calling and texting my babys father but he doesn’t respond, my baby is 2 months old and he has only seen her once. He barely calls to ask how she is doing and I feel so sorry for her that he isn’t a part of her life. He acts like a love sick teenager with his current girlfriend and never has time for his child. I want to be free of him and to stop feeling like my life will end if I cut him out of my life. I need the strength to stand up on my own two feet and move on with my life.
@beauty I hate that you are going through this after just having a baby. It sucks rocks lady
. The best thing you can do right now is pay close attention to the first word in this article: IGNORE. When you ignore him he will get the message, he’ll get curious, he may even come around. But you have to pull yourself together and focus on your child. You said he is behaving like a lovesick teenagers, but in reality you are behaving the same way by calling and texting him. You may not see it now, but you either still love him or you just want to control him. Let it/him go and move forward in your life. Your daughter is your top priority.
Thank you very much for the advice. I will put my baby first and whether he wants to support her or not I will do my part and give my little girl the life she deserves.
“Fourth, you are giving him control of your life every second you remain angry at him.”
I’m very angry at my son’s father. He’s tried so inappropriately to be a part of our child’s life and undermine me, to the point of teaching our child (who didn’t understand at the time) to call me a -unt after dad visits. Trust me – if your baby dad doesn’t want a part of the childs life, just let it go. You’re better off without him.
I am so happy to find this blog. Thank you kindly Ms. Gregory. This morning I felt overwhelmed and googled “I hate being a single mom sometimes” and somehow stumbled across this amazing site. After reading a few minutes, crying and feeling like I was hopeless, I felt a sense of power. You reminded me of the strength we have in determining our own destiny. You said something along the lines of you don’t like people showing pity but would like them to show you how to make a few million in two years. That’s real to me. That’s the bottom line. Financial stability is the ultimate goal. I have two sons and I am currently in school. Money has been scarce because I was depending on child support instead of my own mind, body and spirit to make a way for my family. Thank you for taking the time out to share your story and encourage others to take positive action.