Home Single Motherhood The Pain and Healing in Letting Go

NoMoreCrumbsBkCoverSmI said goodbye to a very long, emotionally unsatisfying and draining relationship the other day. Saying goodbye was tough, but it is very necessary in order for me to be healthy for myself and my kids.

It hurts because there is void left in the space where the person I said goodbye to occupied. But in occupying that space that person was causing damage to my soul so saying goodbye is the healthiest, most self-compassionate thing I could do.

Giving myself a chance to fill that space with someone who will take care of it with love, nurture, and joy is the best gift I can ever give to myself.

Permission to Release

Releasing the old, hurtful past and people makes way for the new and wondrous. I had to give myself permission to release, let go, and move forward to an entirely new book, phase, or adventure in my life. It was a process, this releasing.

The old way was familiar even though it did not serve me or feel like a healing agent. It had become corroded and festering.

It was time to eject this person from my life or I risked having my entire life infected in a way that would be permanently damaging for me and my children. Letting go and allowing the empty space to start healing so it will be open and ready to receive the love and adoration I deserve is self-care.

I spent a little time wondering if I did the right thing. I began to rehash things and place blame on them and myself. Then I stopped to breathe and understand that we all have this little (or ginormous) thing called and ego.

I let the truth about ego sink in my heart and mind. When people (including me) operate from an ego perspective, we are essentially operating from fear and fear causes us to do some really unhealthy things.

We reject, abandon, criticize, and abuse the people we say we love. The fear becomes the driving force and we are blinded by our own selfish and/or unmet needs. We hurt so we hurt others.

Sometimes we get caught in another person’s ego/fear vortex and we find ourselves swirling around in a tornado of emotionally damaging relationships.

It’s hard to get out when there is so much emotionally invested in this kind of relationship. But I’ve found an inner strength that’s rooted in love, which is the opposite of fear.

This love I’ve found is for me and grows inside of me. It motivates me to take better care of myself, my heart, so I don’t continue to live inside of the ego/fear vortex of pain created by another person.

But I choose to live in a peaceful place filled with harmony and I realize that no matter how much I want the ego-based person to come into my space, until they can let go of the fear, my world will be too foreign for them.

They would be uncomfortable and fight to get out. In that fighting they would damage my heart and I can’t let that happen because I have a right to be healthy, happy, and whole, not just for me, but for the young people I am charged with teaching to live a healthy love-based life.

Is there someone you need to release? How will it impact your life? Your kids’ lives? Are you operating from or creating an ego/fear vortex? How willing are you to do whatever it takes to create a peaceful life?

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