It’s no secret that being a single mom is tough. Not only do you have to juggle all of the responsibilities that come with being a parent, but you also have to do it without the help of a partner. It’s no wonder that so many single moms struggle with depression and other mental health issues. I suffered from depression for over 20 years before I got help. I hope you won’t wait that long!
But how do does a single mom fall into depression in the first place? Here are a few reasons.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
How Taking Care of Yourself Makes You a Better Mom
Mothers sacrifice everything for their kids – their sleep, health and social life. It’s natural for moms to put their kids first and neglect themselves which can have a devastating and long-term impact on the entire family. You want to give your kids the best of everything – so start by giving them the best of you! This will require intentional choices where you have to put your needs first which, let’s face it, is often easier said than done. Life as a mom isn’t about extremes where it’s either all about your kids or it’s all about you – the secret to being a happy mom is in finding a balance that works.
You will have higher energy levels
Stress triggers the production of cortisol which causes your muscles to tense up. This is a natural reaction which is meant to guard against injury and pain. However, if you remain stressed for a long period, your muscles do not release their tension. This is why a lack of energy is one of the most common symptoms of stress. Taking care of yourself will help to reduce your stress levels which will increase your energy levels. Kids have tremendously high energy levels so this simple step will go a long way in helping you keep up with your kids.
A happier mom is a more loving parent
When you’re unhappy or stressed, you’re more likely to snap at your kids. After a while, even small problems seem insurmountable and you stop appreciating the little things. When you are happy, you learn to take the good with the bad and remain calm and loving through it all. A recent study found that a mum’s level of happiness has a direct effect on her child’s mental health. The researchers also found that moms who had a high level of happiness when their baby was 9 months old were more likely to maintain a higher level of happiness when their child became a teenager.
Your kids learn from example
Whether you’re trying to reduce your kid’s screen time orraise money-savvy kids – the golden rule is lead by example. This means that if you want your children to grow up to be happy well-adjusted individuals, you need to show them the way. You can’t avoid irritation and anger and your kids will take their anger management cues from you. Does this mean that you need to bottle your anger or it is healthier to vent your frustrations? Although most of us fall back to these old unhealthy habits every once in a while, the healthy thing to do is to calm down and have a conversation about what’s upsetting you so that it can be resolved.
Self-care strengthens relationships
Self-care is essential for maintaining good mental, emotional and physical health. These aspects are essential for strong and healthy relationships. Without regular self-care, every aspect of your health will start to deteriorate. You are more likely to experience depression and anxiety as well as weight gain and psychosomatic conditions. This is likely to take a toll on all your relationships and even strain family bonds. Taking care of yourself will help you become a stronger person with greater resilience, patience and understanding.
Self-Care Ideas for Busy Moms
The first step towards caring for yourself is to make your diet a priority. Too often, moms spend their time creating gourmet meals for their kids and then just rely on a burger or pizza for their meals. You need to follow a healthy diet so plan ahead.
Meal prep over the weekends so that you can cook healthy meals on a daily basis.
Regular exercise is equally important as it not only helps to improve your physical healthy but also reduces stress and improves your mental health. You require a minimum of 2 hours and 30 minutes of aerobic exercise per week – which amounts to approximately 30 minutes of exercise per day.
You should also put aside at least 15 minutes of “me time” every single day – just to relax and center yourself.
Treat yourself to a spa day every once in a while or hire a babysitter and go out for dinner with your friends. It’s important to have a social support system so keep in touch with your friends.
Being a good mother is not about how much you sacrifice or how much of yourself you lose while raising your kids. Social media might lead you to believe that anything short of perfection is unacceptable which is why you strive to reach unattainable goals. Don’t believe the hype! Focus on what’s important and strive to live a balanced, healthy and happy life.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and this is the story of how I was able to escape domestic violence.
It’s a time to take a good long look at this problem in our world. Despite all we’ve learned about this problem it still persists in thousands of households each year. People who are not in that situation can’t understand why a woman would stay so long and almost lose her life. Why would she subject her children to such a life of violence?
No Escape?
What those same people don’t realize is a woman in this situation probably feels helpless to leave. She may be a stay at home mom who is isolated from family and friends because of her husband’s (or boyfriend’s) threats and manipulations. She probably doesn’t have the financial resources to leave because she is dependent on him for survival.
My Experience
From firsthand experience, I can tell you being in a situation like this sucks the life out of you. Domestic violence is not necessarily a sudden thing. It creeps in your life little by little and women with very blurry boundary lines are easily victimized. It starts out with verbal put-downs and criticisms. Then it escalates into yelling and screaming to shock the senses and terrorize. The next step is shoving or slapping, which escalates into punching and beating. All the while you are being manipulated into giving up your friends and stop hanging around your family.
If a baby comes you are likely to remain at home and interrogated if you leave the house. You are dependent on the provision of your partner. This is one of the most insidious forms of abuse; being a financial hostage. You have very little or no access to money and every penny you get is taken away.
Holding on to My Identity
My situation was not this bad but it could have gotten to this point very easily. Things never progressed to the shoving, slapping or into being beat. I came to my senses before it escalated to that point. I did, however, experience the verbal and psychological abuse. Money could have easily become an issue but I refused to give up my financial identity. Toward the end, my bank account was almost wiped out, but I had another account that I could transfer my money into. I recognized the downward spiral I was in and determined to regain control of my life.
Going through this was very terrifying and heartbreaking. I was angry, scared and confused, but I had to keep my head on straight. My children depended on me to get us through this nightmare. Fortunately, I had resources before I got involved with this person so I could escape much easier than a woman who has been in bondage for years.
Financial Savvy is Key
When a woman begins seeking a way out all the literature she reads and the people she talks to tells her to stash away money. That is the only way for her to escape a situation like domestic violence. Without money, she is stuck indefinitely.
Financial independence is very liberating so it is important to cultivate a financial mindset. It is never too late to learn all you can about earning, saving, and budgeting. Giving up your financial identity is never a good idea in a relationship, but being empowered with financial knowledge is essential. Cultivate your financial savvy and never give up your personal identity for anyone.
I Found My Power
My situation turned out much better than millions of other women. I already had a very strong sense of who I was (I had only temporarily lost my way) and could tap into my strength. I knew how to get out and get help and I was angry enough (versus too scared) to do something about my situation. I was driven by a sense of fairness and protection for my children. I wasn’t dealing with a crazy man, just a coward who I escaped rather easily when I threatened to expose him to our church. Sometimes that’s all it takes, but other times it’s more difficult.
Educate, Empower, Think
Domestic violence will not go away overnight. Young girls must be taught they are worthy of love and respect. They must be taught not to fall for the first guy that says, “I love you”. They must be empowered through education, critical thinking skills, and financial savvy.
Make it your business to empower yourself and every young lady you know. Learn to make good decisions in every area of your life. Develop a strong sense of who you are and never let anyone label you or tell you who you are. Ask a million questions of potential suitors and trust your instincts.
If you are in a domestic violence situation get help ASAP by calling a domestic violence hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to provide services in more than 170 languages. Hotline advocates answer questions, provide safety planning and information as well as directly connect callers to domestic violence resources available in their local calling area. All calls to the hotlineare confidential and anonymous.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
A few years ago I was dealing with debilitating single mom stress, well just plain stress, to the point that I started having hot flash and night sweats on an hourly basis. It was really bad! I couldn’t think straight because my mind was foggy. I was dealing with depression, doing the model mommy thing, and working through dissolving a toxic relationship. This went on for a year or so when I finally decided to get help. I went to the doctor and they put me on anti-depressants and start me on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) because I was entering menopause. I was only 32 years old! Ugh!
I did the anti-depressants for a couple of months and I refused to go on HRT. The meds I was taking was making me feel like my head was detached from my body. I really couldn’t function and I was afraid I was not going to be alert enough to take care of my kids. I was also scared to drive even though I hadn’t taken medicine for a couple of days. The affects of the medicine was still in my system making me feel drowsy and crazy in my head. I had to do something so I researched a few natural therapies I could use to deal with the stress.
I found out about lavender, meditation, EFT, and Valerian root. I used a combination of these things to finally get stress relief.
I use Valerian Root first. I heard about it when I was younger so I knew it had a calming affect. I could take it everyday without it making me drowsy and disconnected. It was not addictive so I started taking it daily. I felt better within a week. I slept better at night and didn’t feel jittery or nervous.
The next thing I tried was EFT or emotional freedom technique. I was researching ways to deal with the emotional issues I was having and came across this new method of treating them. I learned how to do the technique and got some results. It wasn’t until years later that I really started using it and got unbelievable results. I’ll have to do a different post on just this method alone.
Stress Relief Tip #3
Finally, I started using lavender. I bought sachets to put under my pillow at night and found spray products that had the fragrance in it. I really like it because of the smell and the calming affects. Recently I bought a product off Amazon called Tranquility by Phytopia. It’s a massage oil that has a very nice lavender fragrance. It’s strong but not overwhelming so I can use it at night, which is how they recommend you use it. I slept for eight hours and felt great the next morning.
I don’t know what kind of stress you are dealing with personally. If it’s anything like mine was I recommend that you run to the health food store or Amazon (free 2-day shipping is awesome) and pick up the items I used. You can go to the EFT website and read more about it or search for it on YouTube.
Being on anti-depressants wasn’t the answer for me. I could not function and I did not know what kind of damage it was doing to my body. I just didn’t want to risk addiction. Dealing with the issues was the best thing for me because I wanted to be completely healed from the stress, depression, anxiety, and other emotional issues.
Watch the video, 3 Quick Single Mom Stress Relief Tips, if you don’t want to read it
Get Help and Get Healthy!
If you are dealing with dark thoughts, feel like you can’t get yourself together, or want to harm yourself (or your kids) please get help. Do not suffer alone!
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
A girl in her midtwenties who wore a peasant shirt arrived for a simple checkup of her sprained right wrist. She’d been
wearing a brace and managing within her work restrictions. Blonde-haired and doe-eyed, she appeared reserved but polite. I proceeded to examine the wrist and check the fit of the brace. I also offered her a different medication and asked about physical therapy.
We then chitchatted a bit, during which she told me she was working an assembly line job and raising her sons, but she’d just graduated from acting school and was very excited to audition the next day for a commercial in Cincinnati. She thought it was important to show her sons the importance of following a dream by following her own. She said she’d always wanted to portray characters that brought out emotions in those watching. I commended her for this and wished her the best for the audition.
I encouraged her to show the joy in what she was doing, even if it was an awkward tryout, as though the time on stage would truly be what she’d be doing for a living; projecting her comfort would allow the producers to feel more relaxed and happy to hire her for the part. I asked her if there was anything else about her health that we should talk about, and she stated she’d had migraines since childhood.
I felt a sense of properness while in the room with her; a sense of calmness that was more like forced tranquility than genuine peace. So, I brought to her attention that allowing her true feelings to come out, such as anger, would not only help with her migraines but also with her performance on stage. I felt that somewhere during this young adult’s upbringing, she’d learned to turn off any anger, having judged and condemned it as improper.
“As a matter of fact,” I told her, “anger can be very helpful.”
I recommended that she join a self-defense class where she could strike out, kick, and punch, and with each one of these offensive moves, assign with it something that happened to her that caused her to feel angry. She was to channel that feeling and event into every strike.
I told her that if she did that, she would not only help her migraines but also be able to channel that emotion in the human characters she played. I explained that the suppression of this emotion doesn’t get rid of it but instead just chains it up for a while and builds inner pressure that can result in all sorts of destructive influence on the body. Emotions are vibrations, and the body, under poor vibrations, can develop disease and be unwell, exhibiting symptoms such as migraines, ulcers, and stomach issues.
She nodded in agreement and said that in her final exam at acting school, she’d had to deliver part of a monologue of a very angry woman, standing alone on stage. She said she had done very poorly because she hadn’t been able to get in touch with the anger. I’d told her that it made a lot of sense because she’d never given herself permission to access it. While she worked through this, I recommended that she try butterbur, an herb showing promise in treating migraines, embraced by large neurology clinics for its effectiveness and low side effect profile.
I then asked if I could say a prayer with her for her audition and new dream career. She agreed, and I held in my mind the portrait of her as an actress who was so in touch with each of her emotions that she could portray any character, and the genuineness of this would be felt by all the audience members, who would be in turn inspired to find the genuine nature in their own lives. I saw this so clearly for her and asked that she be guided to this, as she felt comfortable in allowing it to happen. She’d been an inspiration, and I was blessed with a new realization about prayer from our visit.
In having prayed and seen the young actress so sharply in my mind’s eye doing and loving what she wanted so much to do, I felt what true prayer is. True prayer is holding a deeply felt, detailed image of someone’s best self, when he or she isn’t yet able to do so. I was reminded of Jesus among the sick. He saw his fellow beings in their full state of radiant health, walking with their beds instead of focusing on their lameness and skin lesions. He held so strongly the vibration of their well-being that they all let go of their own beliefs of sickness in his presence. We can all do this for each other by focusing on each other’s best selves and holding that in our hearts as our image of them.
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About the author
Dr. Amy E. Coleman is the CEO and founder of Wellsmart, a company that cultivates technologies and healthcare strategies that strengthen the patient/doctor relationship. She served as a United States Air Force flight surgeon, and was appointed the youngest and first female Commander of the U.S. Air Force Special Operations Clinic. There, she helped guide global medical missions and build creative clinic systems, including those employing complementary care methods still employed today throughout the Air Force.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
This weekend is the beginning of summer travel and road trips!
With the help of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) I want to share a few Summer Road Trip Safety Tips. I created a short video you can check out below but I really want you to get the main idea so your summer can be fun and safe.
NHTSA offers the following safety recommendations before taking to the road:
Regular maintenance: Tune-ups, oil changes, battery checks, and tire rotations go a long way toward preventing breakdowns before they happen. If your vehicle has been serviced according to the manufacturer’s recommendations, it should be in good shape and ready to travel. If not, or you don’t know the service history of the vehicle you plan to drive, schedule a preventive maintenance check-up with your mechanic. View NHTSA’s interactive summer driving tips
Don’t drink and drive: Every 52 minutes, someone is killed in a drunk driving crash. Be responsible and don’t drink and drive. If you plan to drink, choose a designed driver before going out. Last year, NHTSA announced a new mobile app designed to help people who have been drinking get a safe ride home
Buckle seat belts: All drivers and passengers should wear seat belts when traveling in a vehicle. Research has found that lap/shoulder seat belts, when used, reduce the risk of fatal injury to front-seat passengers by 45 percent and the risk of moderate-to-critical injury by 50 percent.
Protect child passengers: Research on the effectiveness of child safety seats has found them to reduce fatal injury by 71 percent for infants (younger than 1 year old) and 54 percent for toddlers (up to 4 years old) in passenger cars. If you’re traveling with children, remember the best way to protect them in a car is to put them in the correct child safety seat for their size and age. All children 13 and younger should ride in the back seat. Visit Parent’s Central for more information on child passenger safety.
Avoid distraction: Distraction accounts for approximately 10 percent of fatal crashes and 18 percent of injuries – all preventable. Distracted driving can be anything that pulls your attention away from diving, including cell phone use, texting while driving, eating, drinking, and using in-vehicle technologies and portable electronic devices.
Observe “Move Over” Laws: Move over and change lanes to give safe clearance to law enforcement officers assisting motorists on the side of the road. It’s the law in all 50 states.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
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Dr. Amy E. Coleman is the CEO and founder of 
