Being a single mom and raising a girl is a no-brainer. You’re a girl. She’s a girl. No problem. But what if you have a boy? How do you raise a son without a father? Recently I asked few experts how single moms can handle raising boys. They shared this advice…
The Experts Speak
Author and Certified Dream Coach™ Speaker
I am a Certified Dream Coach and mom. My #1 tip to my Mom’s Solo clients is simply this: Do NOT try to be the man in your son’s life. Be the model of the woman you hope he falls in love with and has your grandchildren with someday. But don’t try to father him. Your son does need a man in his life. It may not be his dad, but the things our boys learn from other men are just as valuable and necessary as the things they learn from us as moms.
It is the connection between the child and parent, male or female that provides the foundation a boy needs. Our culture is steeped in male entitlement, so parents must work hard to support their sons in ways that our culture does not. Single moms should start early. Don’t accept the “boys will be boys” when they use their aggression on others. Make sure that boys have strong male influences in their lives– teachers, coaches, uncles, friends, etc.
I am an early childhood educator (9 years) and a mom of 2 boys. Here is my tip: Take your sons out on regular dates. Use this opportunity to teach them things like table manners and basic etiquette. Have real conversations with them.
Look outside of your heart and into the community around you for the type of man that you would like your son to grow up like. It might be a school teacher, an uncle or the guy who cuts your son’s hair.
When you find the right candidate for a role model, approach them and be candid—tell them you respect the way they live their life and you would like them to mentor your son in the ways of life. Be clear you do not want to be involved and just want to give your son someone to look up to.
Single moms should identify target behaviors that are indicative of being responsible young men. This may include respectful language, polite tone, following directions, and other helpful behaviors. Mom should model and explain to their sons what this behavior is. Moms can limit inappropriate behavior by setting limits. Behaviors to discourage in young men might be back talking, swearing, lying, aggressive behavior, etc.
While you want your son to be responsible, you don’t want to place an undue burden on him either. Too many moms (and outside individuals, such as grandparents) tell a son, in the wake of a divorce or death that he is the man of the family now. He may need to shoulder responsibility for some chores his dad undertook, but he should NOT be saddled with ALL of them and CERTAINLY NOT with the heavy mantle of responsibility that come with being the man in the family.
As the 90210 child psychologist expert I can tell how it really is living behind the line of fire. I hear from kids and families every hour. Boys need a father or male role model to help the boy make a full identification as a male, in order to fully say; I am that…..I want to be like him.
Ask your son who he thinks of as a male role model, and ten characteristics of a good man. Then ask him how you can help him to learn those skills. Make developing those traits a spoken part of your goals for him, and praise his demonstration when he does any of those characteristics.
“Many of the troubles young people face would be eliminated with the establishment and execution of rules. Rules loudly scream care and concern. Rules provide stability and tradition” The best way to enforce rules is through chores. Chores keep them mentally busy developing a strong value system.
Excerpted from the book, K.I.S.S. Begins at Home. Boys need a firm hand to become responsible whereas moms often baby their sons.
The number one tip is to be consistent in your discipline. This is easy to say you will do, but it can be very difficult to actually do. The relationship between a child and parent is a battle of wills. Who ever has the stronger will will win, and this is a battle that a parent CANNOT afford to lose.
It’s important that moms create a safe space for boys to feel comfortable to share and talk. Help them see the value in communicating their feelings. With more than 15 year’s experience and current history of providing training and development services with leading Fortune 500 companies, I am a Certified Breakthrough Parenting® Instructor and Intrinsic Coach® in Health and Wellness. I’ve helped numerous moms of boys navigate the challenges of raising sons, especially the adolescent years.
I am the Founder of Raising Great Men™-Real talk about raising boys to become men of character and Empathy not Apathy™-a movement to address boys’ desensitization to violence. I coach moms to guide their sons as they journey from boyhood to manhood. I also speak about the challenges of raising a family during military deployment (My husband’s been deployed three times!)
It’s been a looonnnnggg time since I’ve told given you any side hustle tips. Well here is one that I think you might like, especially if you have a car and you generally like people.
Drive people around in your car and make some extra cash with the following car services. Each service is described below and includes the cities they are primarily in, as well as how to apply to be a driver.
Everyone’s Private Driver. Uber is evolving the way the world moves by seamlessly connecting riders to drivers through our app .We’re
changing the way people are getting around by offering a convenient,
cashless, and stylish on demand car request service from your mobile
Where to Find Uber
Serves the cities of Ann Arbor, Atlanta Bakersfield, Baltimore,Boston, Charlotte, Chicago Cincinnati,Cleveland, Columbus, Dallas, Denver, Detroit, Fresno, Hamptons,
Honolulu, Houston, Indianapolis, Inland Empire, Jacksonville, Los Angeles, Madison,
Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Modesto, Montreal, Nashville, New Jersey, New York City, Oklahoma City,
Orange County, Palm Springs, Philadelphia, Phoenix, Pittsburgh, Providence, Sacramento, San Antonio,
San Diego, San Francisco, Santa Barbara, Seattle, Tacoma, Tampa, Toronto, Tucson, Tulsa ,Washington D.C
Apply to be a Driver
Interested in becoming a driver? There are 2 differnt choices. UberBLACK- A professional chauffeur with a commercial license and commercial auto insurance. Your vehicle is A black sedan, town car, crossover SUV that comfortably seats 4 passengers, or a full-size SUV that comfortably seats at least 6
passengers.. UberX- You are At least 23 years old, with a personal license and personal auto insurance. and your vehcile is Any mid-size or full-size 4-door vehicle, in excellent condition.
Lyft is your friend with a car. You tap to request a ride, the app shows you your driver’s name, his rating by past passengers (out of 5 stars) and photos of him and his car.
Special Offer:FREE RIDE for new users! Download the Lyft app on iPhone or Android, use the promo code SLICKDEALS, and get where you need to go!
Where to Find Lyft
Areas served: Atlanta, Baltimore, Boston, Charlotte, Chicago, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Columbus, Dallas, Denver, Detroit, Houston, Indianapolis, Los Angeles, Madison, Milwaukee, Nashville, Orange County, Phoenix, Pittsburgh, Providence, Sacramento, Salt Lake City, San Antonio, San Diego, Santa Barbara,San Francisco, Seattle, Silicon Valley, St. Louis, Tampa, Tucson, Twin Cities, D.C.
Apply to be a Driver
Drivers must be at least 23 years old and have your own four-door car (2000 or newer) in good working condition. You must own an iPhone or Android in order to use the Lyft mobile app. We’re looking for friendly, community-oriented drivers who love meeting new people. In order to be approved, you must pass a phone screen, an in-person meeting and background & DMV record checks. You can become a driver here.
The new Sidecar allows riders to choose the vehicle, the driver and the price, tailoring every ride for any occasion.
Where to Find Side Car
Areas served are San Francisco, Los Angeles, Long Beach, San Diego, Seattle, Chicago, Boston, and Washington, D.C.
Apply to be a Driver
Making some extra money has never been easier. Enter your mobile number and we’ll send you a link to download the app.
RideshareOnline.com assists commuters by providing free carpool, vanpool and bicycle ridematching services, bus/rail options, SchoolPool carpooling programs for parents, and information about the benefits of teleworking from home.
Where to Find Ride Share Online
Serving the states of Washington and Idaho.
To find a connection with other ridesharer’s, visit here.
You wouldn’t believe the crazy amazing stories of people who’ve benefited from coupons. Below are accounts of three mothers who have not only made couponing a lifestyle, but how they’ve managed to help the less fortunate.
Angelique, Mom of 3
Considering today’s growing expenses, you’ll wonder how a family of five would survive. For Angelique, her husband and her brood of two girls and one boy, it’s more than possible. She considers couponing a blessing because even if she shops at night (where items are mostly cleared off), she still gets the best items. Her husband even says that “she doesn’t love to pay full price for anything!” –a statement most men will probably be envious of. She also says she’s got a full wardrobe that she “didn’t pay a single penny for.”
In this video, you’ll see her in one of her extreme coupon-use sprees. The father pushes the cart and the kids are happy with their shopping adventure at the store. True enough, Angelique stops by the candy section and dumps their already-full cart with 600 pieces of candy—all for free. She asks her kids if they can eat all the candy and one of her daughters answer no, because they can’t. Angelique tells them that the rest of the candy will definitely go to their church for the upcoming Easter holiday.
Angelique’s basement is also loaded with goods—food, toiletries, clothes, toys, and games. She knows how much of her life is worry-free because of couponing; that’s why she doesn’t forget to give back when she can.
Michelle Reis from Tray, Mom of 3
After reading Angelique’s story, will you still be surprised if we told you of another family of 5 who survives with just $150 a month? They manage to save over $45,000 a year! Unbelievable? Yes. True? Definitely!
She considers herself a full-time mom even though she has a full-time day job. When does she squeeze in the time to coupon? She does it every day on the long train ride to work, unmindful of the curious stares of the people around her.
What’s Michelle’s advice? “You just gotta find the deals.” To be specific, drug stores are the best places to use coupons. There was even a time when the store owed her a whopping $215 after couponing! There’s a catch though. Because when that happens, Michelle doesn’t pocket the money, but gives them to local charities instead. It’s no wonder Michelle still finds the time to teach couponing classes.
Heather Bonner from Georgia
Now, Heather is also a couponing master mom, but she does more than donate her “extras” to charity. She started Clipping for a Cause, a non-profit organization composed of 6-10 women who regularly coupon in the basement of First United Methodist Church of Lawrenceville. Their headquarters is where they meet to organize and clip (and chat), and to search and buy items for a very, very cheap cost. They only purchase items that are almost, or entirely, free. You can only imagine what this group of women is able to accomplish during its Wednesday meetings.
For example, Heather has 195 pre-ordered items (from food to feminine wash to band-aids) in their local store, and she pays for the whole thing with just $65. Everything goes to their local charities.This has been going on for four years—and it’s still alive and kicking because the members are dedicated to doing their own tasks. It’s not a one-woman team.One does the shopping, one delivers the goods to food banks and shelters, one makes the list of coupons they’ll fix, and one looks for people in need. It’s no surprise that they’ve donated nearly 20,000 items since 2010, and only spent a total of $1,800!
As you can see, these moms are simply superb. They’ve found the perfect way to sustain their own family’s needs, and to help other people in the process. Truly, this is a great way to use couponing as a means of philanthropy. Cheers to these three awesome moms for being money-savvy and life-savers wherever they are!
If you’ve watched the news, you know about SnowJam2014 or Snowmaggedon here in Atlanta, GA ,where a thick sheet of ice covered the roads. I was one of the fortunate people who made it home before all the chaos started so I’m thankful. Unfortunately my sister, nephews, and brothers were stuck in the gridlock for 10+ hours. It was scary knowing they were out there so with much prayer, communication, and heroic action, they got home safely.
I learned a few lessons from this ordeal that will stay in my mind from now on that I’ll pass on to you. In the name of safety always make sure you have:
·Use your own judgment and intuition to do what is right for you
This event reminds me of the journey of single motherhood. Sometimes we get caught off guard and get stuck in situations that seem impossible to get out of. At times it feels like we are all alone even though there are thousands of people around us.
Occasionally we encounter compassionate people who are willing to give a helping hand. We sometimes feel like life is at a standstill with nowhere to turn. But eventually things get moving again and even better than that a hero appears to rescue us or at least show us the way out.
This winter event is finally over, the roads are passable again, and things are almost back to normal.Your life, like a winter event that’s finally over, will get back to normal after a storm. How you live your life from that moment forward is up to you.
Parenting can be hard at times, but raising a boy as a single mom can be even harder. It is difficult for single mothers to play the role as a father at the same time as being mom and bread winner. Single moms often feel guilt, anxiety and are even overwhelmed by the absence of the father and the added parenting responsibilities.
Single moms are great at nurturing and caring for their children. As a single mom raising a boy, you are presented with unique opportunities, and can provide him with the foundation he needs to be grounded, connected and accepted. You can do things with him like a father would, such as play ball, but you must have a different mindset while raising boys.
Teach him to be strong, to have good manners, and helpful behaviors.
Allow him to express his feelings and let him know that it is okay to do so.
Encourage him to learn how to cook, do laundry, even babysit if he has younger siblings.
Provide outlets for aggression.
Set limits or boundaries where needed to discourage inappropriate behavior
Have conversations with them, even if it is about something silly.
Support and motivate rather than criticize.
Help them to build self-esteem.
Be consistent with discipline. Do not negotiate or bargain.
Teach them to know when they make mistakes. Ensure that they understand what they did wrong and how to amend it.
Model respect and how to treat others.
Help them to develop coping skills to deal with life’s lessons and disappointments, such as being rejected by his first crush
Give him some chores to teach responsibility. Chores also help to develop a strong work ethic and values system. Make it age appropriate. Things like taking out the trash, mowing or raking the yard, or even small repairs.
But boys also need a male figure in their life. As a mother you will not be able to counsel him on how it feels to
puberty, to be embarrassed by guys in the locker room, or to miss his first play in a big game. You can love him through those times, but you will never understand his point of view.
Too often, single moms feel pressure to find a man to love so they can provide a male role model for their sons. But you do NOT need to have a man in YOUR life to have a man in your SON’S life. Having responsible male mentors as part of the boy’s life helps compensate for the absence of the father.
Find a respectable and trusted male relative or friend for your son to look up to and to spend “guy time” with. Ask them to be a mentor to your son. You can also have a coach, teacher, and pastor, anybody you feel comfortable with, to be there for him.
Another option is the Big Brother program. Every growing boy needs a father or a man who he can toss ball with, shoot baskets, play chase, someone to look up to in times of boy-moments and to turn to for a man’s perspective.