Success really isn’t a secret but it’s a plan. I learned this lesson many years ago and though I sometimes forget this important bit of wisdom in my everyday life, it is always in the back of my mind.
I talk a lot about success and personal empowerment because I believe it’s within every woman to become her best self. Single moms sometimes forget though so I thought it would be fitting to share the 100 Secrets I’ve lived by to create a successful life for myself.
You can do anything you want to do. The only rules are that you do it with integrity and love. I’ve listed the 100 secrets here for you along with quotes that may make the tips that much more meaningful.
Some tips are one-liners and others I’ve expanded but the point is to really think about them, incorporate them into your life, and see the positive change that will take place as a result.
Feel free to add to the list in the comments below.
Self-care
Success: To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded! ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
1. Prioritize your life to prevent being overwhelmed.
2. Determine the five important areas in your life (ex. self, children, career, social life, church, volunteering, etc.).
3. Order your priorities from the most to least important then, within each; decide what activities you normally engage in then prioritize those.
4. If it is not a priority, say ‘no’. Decide later if it is worth adding to your list of priorities.
5. Step back when overwhelmed.
6. Walk (or run) away for a little while to prevent mental and emotional overload.
7. Take a day off to regroup your life and mind.
8. Take a half-day off if a whole day is impossible. Those few hours will do wonders for your soul. Use the time to pamper yourself.
9. Remember that when the mommy feels good everyone else feels good too!
10. Have dreams and set attainable goals. Knowing when, where, and how will keep you on track in your effort to reach them.
11. Maintain positive friendships. Do not forget the old ones and never be afraid to make new ones.
12. Realize the freedom you have to make independent decisions.
13. Learn from your mistakes to avoid repeating them in the future. You will save yourself from much aggravation.
14. Forgive yourself and move on. Forgiving yourself releases guilt and allows you to move on with life in a positive way.
15. Follow your unique path.
16. Make time for things you enjoy. All work and no play make life much too stressful.
17. Pamper yourself often. Lavish yourself with wonderful smelling fragrances. Take a bubble bath. Get a massage or get your nails done. You can do many inexpensive things for you each week.
18. Do not be too hard on yourself. Being human means that you will not be perfect so accept the reality and move ahead.
19. Find out your personality style. Discovering your personality style is a first step to discovering who you are.
Spiritual Success
20. Spend time in nature to revive yourself.
21. Write thoughts, joys, and frustrations in a journal.
22. Attend a community event to support and give back.
23. Instill spiritual principles into your kids.
24. Help a family or elderly person in need.
26. Read a book of poems or meditation.
27. Seek the help of a counselor or life coach.
28. Listen to music that gets you moving or helps you relax.
Physical Success
The best six doctors anywhere
And no one can deny it
Are sunshine, water, rest, and air
Exercise and diet.
These six will gladly you attend
If only you are willing
Your mind they’ll ease
Your will they’ll mend
And charge you not a shilling.
~Nursery rhyme quoted by Wayne Fields
29. Go for a walk
30. Eat good, healthy food
31. Have regular visits to the doctor
32. Eat breakfast
33. Take vitamins
34. Play with your kids
35. Get a massage (from a professional or a friend) to relieve physical stress.
Social Success
The loneliest woman in the world
is a woman without a close woman friend.
-George Santayana
36. Develop friendships with other single moms.
37. Attend cultural events with another single mother.
38. Join a health club or YWCA and participate in the activities.
39. Enroll your kids in sports and interact with other parents.
40. Join the committees at your child’s school or get involved in their class.
Emotional Success
“I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which has overcome while trying to succeed.”
~Booker T. Washington
41. Find a trusted person to talk to about your frustration.
42. Talk about your feelings and frustrations. Do not keep them bottled up.
43. Encourage your children to talk about their feelings.
44. Read books on self-improvement and/or to relax..
45. Work out your childhood issues. They could be hindering your emotional health.
46. Commit to having good emotional health.
47. Access the local mental health service for counseling through work or the county.
48. Pace yourself when resolving difficult personal issues. Tackling too much too soon can overwhelm you.
Financial Success
Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont
49. Develop a spending plan to avoid overspending.
50. Involve your kids in creating and maintaining a budget. They should know how the money is spent so that they can be more sensitive to money limitations.
51. Have a savings plan to prepare for emergencies and vacations.
52. Join a Credit Union to avoid outrageous bank fees. Your money will earn interest over time.
53. Have funds for retirement/ savings automatically taken out of your pre-tax dollars.
54. Get child support payments direct deposited.
Education Success
Education is the movement from darkness to light.
~Allan Bloom
55. Return to school to increase your job skills. Better job skills usually mean an increase in pay.
56. Find out if your employer will pay for training. Be sure to ask.
57. Attend continuing education courses for self-improvement.
58. Never stop learning. Your extra skills could help you earn extra money.
59. Use your newly learned skills or old ones to make extra money in a home business.
60. Be a good student because good grades have its rewards in scholarships and excellent recommendation letters from instructors.
61. Set a positive example for your kids. When they see you’re working hard and studying for your class, they will be motivated to do their best as well.
62. Get help from a tutor for any trouble you are having in a subject. There are usually free or very low cost on-campus tutors available.
63. Take advantage of library resources. Check out movies; get access to online services such as e-books, and courses, etc.
64. Learn how to do-it-yourself. You can repair a leaky faucet or put together your child’s dresser drawers by reading a do-it-yourself book.
65. Teach your kids basic life skills. Teach them to care for their health, their clothes, their money, and themselves.
66. Improve your basic life skills. Cooking, money management, and healthy habits are all skills that can save money and bring enjoyment.
67. Be a temporary apprentice to someone who has a skill that you want to learn. Most people are happy to share their knowledge.
Parenting Success
68. Read parenting books and discover your own parenting style.
69. Remember that your kids follow your example rather than you words.
70. Everything you do is being watched so watch your words and actions.
71. Encourage close sibling relationships among your kids.
72. Sibling will always have someone on their side if they always treat each other with love and respect.
73. Allow your kids to be kids to avoid complicated adulthoods.
74. Don’t make your kids responsible for adult stuff too soon.
75. Don’t treat your child as a confidant. They are too young to understand or deal with your adult problems.
76. Extended family is important to kids of single moms. Be sure the relationships are healthy.
77. Teach your child balance and interdependence. They will be healthier emotionally.
Relationship Success
“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.”
~Jonathan Carrol
78. Use wisdom in exposing your kids to other adults.
79. Resolve past relationship issues before dating again.
80. Ask trusted friends to vouch for the character of your boyfriend. They may be able to see what you can’t see and head off future problems.
81. Be wise about the interaction between your kids and your boyfriend.
82. Take care of yourself first and stay grounded in a new relationship. Spend time alone and with your children away from your special friend.
83. Read books on relationships. Advice from a trusted source in invaluable.
84. Seek the wisdom of an older, successfully married woman. Her insight and advice can be a priceless source of information.
Career/ Employment Success
Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
~H. Jackson Browne
85. Negotiate your position and/or salary to be sure you are compensated fairly.
86. Change jobs while you are still employed. Finding a job while you have a job is easier than not having a job.
87. Get a professionally prepared resume. A professional can develop and highlight skills that will help you get the interview.
88. Maintain a professional attitude on the job. You are being scrutinized on your work ethic, attitude, and skill.
89. Practice first class customer service. The way you treat people speaks volumes about your character.
90. Be kind and willing to go beyond your duties. Develop a reputation of being kind, yet professional.
Miscellaneous Matters
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,
But only one mother the wide world over.
~George Cooper
91. Ask your family/friends for help. They may be able to help with childcare, finances, or moral support.
92. Go to social service agencies for temporary help. You may need assistance with food, shelter, childcare and employment.
93. Join a support group for single mothers. No one knows what single moms go through like other single moms.
94. Prayerfully locate a supportive church to attend. The members of a compassionate church can be a haven of rest for a weary mom.
95. Understand that you are a valuable person. Walk with your head up.
96. Be proactive instead of reactive in solving problems. Search for the answer instead of wallowing in the problem.
97. Develop a prayer life. The more you pray, the better things eventually get.
98. Take time to read books that will improve your life. There is a book for every situation in life.
99. Make time to be alone to regroup when life begins to overwhelm you. Alone time is priceless.
100. Take the time to enjoy your kids. They are a gift from God and they are only small once.
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