My son is driving me to the brink!

Now that he is 13 years old and a few inches taller than me he thinks he’s grown and tells me so, quite often, while comparing our heights. I firmly let him know being grown is not about how tall you are but how mature you are. He just shrugs and walks away.

But back to why he is driving me to the brink. I am about to air some of his dirty laundry for the sake of illustrating an important parenting point so don’t judge me (or him).

When His Mess Disrupts My Peace There is H*ll to Pay

My creative son the Roman soldier. Everything made from cardboard and scrap fabric. Gotta love ‘em!

Like mother like son. (This is when he was shorter than me…about a year ago)

My son is organizationally challenged but very creative. He gets it honestly from me but his mess is on a whole other level. I mean clothes everywhere and no matter how much I threaten to throw them all away, he is content with his mess.

I’m not one of those mothers who picks up behind him or nags him to clean everyday. My minimum request is to pick up your stuff and make sure there are no offensive odors coming from the room. Being driven to the brink is when his mess spills over into other parts of the house.

“Pizza under my sofa?”

“Really dude?”

” Unbelievable!”

Laying Down the Law Like Only a Ninja Momma Can

His sister ratted him out and I latched on the back of his arm (you know that really tender spot back there) like Cujo. Okay not that badly but I wanted to. I pinched and held on for a good minute while driving my point home about not leaving food under my furniture.

He took it like a little man and refused to cry or let a tear fall but his eyes got pretty round and he understood my point. I asked him what he has to say about it. “I’m sorry” was his response and “I won’t do it again” was his reply when I asked, “what else”.

The Prayer that Would Save Him From Ruin

He is just too cute! I prayed I wouldn’t spoil him for the second woman in his life.

Who could resist the face of this little prince?

My kid was born handsome and I knew if I didn’t put myself in check I would ruin him for the world and any woman he ended up with. So I said a prayer for self-control so I wouldn’t be blinded by his cuteness and spoil him rotten. It’s worked so far but I still have to remain focused on the goal.

I am raising a man, a world citizen who will l eventually leave my home and become a member of society. He can’t make it if I let stuff like pizza under the sofa slide by without consequences.

Lecturing Teaching Personal Responsibility

Later I lectured him on the importance of being responsible and taking initiative. Keeping his room clean and learning are his only real jobs, while going out and working to provide a roof over his head and food to eat is my job.

He then mumbled something (because he dare not say it out loud) about learning being too hard. *Sigh* Big mistake to say that buddy!

Enlightening the Young Grasshopper About Learning

“Too hard?”

“Learning is too hard?”

Well you know I went into another 10 minute diatribe about learning. I explained that learning is something he is constantly doing. When he watches movies and tv shows (with the subtitles on) on Netflix and Amazon Prime he is learning.

When he plays video games he is learning. When he talks to people like grandpa and his aunt he is learning.
When he goes on YouTube and learns how to make a sheath for his new sword out of duck tape he is learning.

“So learning is easy and I don’t ever want to hear you say it’s hard again.”

“Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You no longer have an excuse for not learning because it’s easy.”

Cracking the Whip and Doing Chores Builds Lifelong Character

After my lecture, er…teaching moment, I gave him cleaning instructions and left him to it.

Was he angry? Yes.

Did I care? Nope.

Why?

Because his temporary anger is less important than the long term lessons he will learn and that will equip him for the future.

I’m not his friend but his parent and life coach. Like a dojo master of life I must be tough when I need to be and kind/compassionate when the situation calls for it.

I’ve think I’ve learned to find a balance with both my kids. They each require different coaching styles from me. Where one can handle being fussed at the other dissolves into tears. One is stubborn and tough while the other is more pliable. Knowing their personalities is important in this process. Building character is the goal regardless of their personality because it is what matters at the end of the day.

How do you deal with your son (or daughter) when he/she threatens to drive you to the brink?

One of my biggest fears when my children were young was that someone would try to take them away from me. Whether it was their father, the state, my parents, or anyone who thought they could do a better job than me.

I’m learning that this is the fear of many single mothers because they have either been threatened or they suppose they are not good enough mothers. I thought I was not an adequate provider or nurturer for a long time so I was driven to put myself in a better position financially. It was tough to feel this pressure because it added to the stress I was already feeling, which contributed to deeper depression.

A Light Bulb Moment for Me

One day I realized that no one can take care of my kids like I can. They can’t know what is best for them because I trust myself to raise them with love, nurture, and wisdom. It became clear that many people who judged me for being a single mom thought they could do a better job because they had more money, a so-called more stable environment, or a house with two adults in it.

Believing a Lie Lead to Self-Doubt and Depression

I bought into the lie that I was inadequate because I didn’t do things the traditional way. I didn’t regiment my kid’s lives by keeping them on a strict schedule. I didn’t have the neatest apartment. I didn’t attend all the PTA meetings or wasn’t a room parent. I compared myself to people who seemed to have it all together and tried to live up to their standards.

Unfortunately I dug a deep hole of self-doubt and low self-esteem. I forgot about all the good things I did for my kids like shower them with hugs and kisses, apologize when I was grumpy so they would see I was human, sit and talk with them about their little issues, teach them how to choose their own clothes and shoes instead of doing everything for them, and make them feel important. I did so many things right but I was focused on all the wrong things others pointed out about my life as a single mother.

Points Missed for Being an Awesome Mother

They didn’t see that I was working and going to school full-time. They failed to see how I helped others with things they simply didn’t know how to do. They couldn’t see me being creative with meals or shopping on the limited income I had. They could not see me pouring positive thoughts into my children’s lives or understand the struggle I had to put them first when my ex targeted them for abuse.

Standing My Ground and Fighting Judgment for Being a Single Mom

Today if anyone dared judge me for being a single mother I’d laugh in their face. If anyone attempted to take them from me they would have a mama bear to contend with. My kids would fight tooth and nail to stay with me because they know that with mom, there is love, acceptance, and security.

What to do if Someone Threatens to Take Your Kids

If you are struggling with someone who is questioning your value as parent, challenge them to do what you do 24/7. Stand your ground against the controlling behavior and emotional abuse they are subjecting you to, because that is what it boils down to.

If someone is threatening to take you to court be sure to document everything they say and do as well as how you have been the best parent possible for your children. Stay above negativity and act as a mature woman would. You have the power to fight against threats if you will only believe you can.

If you’ve made mistakes in the past acknowledge them, ask forgiveness if appropriate, and forgive yourself. You are a different person now so don’t let anyone throw your past in your face.  Everyone deserves a second chance and you have the ability to reinvent your life so you and your children can thrive and not just survive.

Have you ever been threatened over child custody? How did you handle it? What advice would you give to other moms?

By Blythe Lipman

You made it; your baby has graduated into toddlerhood. And now you’re looking forward to a year with fewer expenses.  Soon diapers will be a thing of the past, the baby food mill can be put in storage along with the Exersaucer, bouncy seat and baby swing. And watching your little bundle of joy run around like a whirlwind makes your heart smile. But wait, he’s not that steady on his feet and just knocked over your favorite flower vase. That will be $35 to replace.  And is he rubbing his ear? Not another ear infection.  He just finished his medicine. Sound familiar?

The 2013 figures from the Department of Health and Human Services (based on a U.S. Department of Agriculture survey) (http://www.hhs.gov) calculate that the basic annual cost of raising a child is $4,020, which doesn’t sound so bad until you add the cost of raising that same kid to age 18 and figure in the 30 year average inflation rate of 3% which brings us to an average $234,900 for those earning between $59,410 and $102,870.

Yikes…these numbers are pretty scary. And they don’t even include those surprise expenses during the toddler years. Here are just a few that could rear their ugly heads.

Unexpected Food Costs – You want your toddler to eat but he is so picky. And when he doesn’t like something, he refuses to eat. But you’ve already used this week’s food money. Now what?

• Don’t get into the habit of preparing a second or third meal for your toddler when he won’t eat.  Continue to offer him a variety of foods, but have one stand-by. In my house if my little ones wouldn’t eat what I made they could have yogurt. All that extra food costs money.

• Let him help you prepare the meals. Mixing the mashed potatoes and tasting, pouring the salad dressing on and just being a part of the process can tickle those toddler taste buds!

Unexpected Medical and Dental Bills – According to http://www.webmd.com toddlers can get an average of nine colds per year. But what about those chronic ear infections, head lice and unexpected trips to the ER? And that trip to the dentist for a chipped tooth. These all cost money. Think about the following:

• When your toddler needs antibiotics, ask the pediatrician if it’s okay to use generic.  They are much less costly.

• If your toddler will be on a medication long term, ask the pediatrician if he has any samples. Or contact the drug companies as many times they will have coupons or will work with you to lower the cost.

• Make sure you understand your family’s medical and dental insurance coverage, including trips to the ER.  One unexpected ER visit can mess up your budget for months.

Unexpected Repairs – You probably feel like your washer and dryer are already working overtime. And what’s that humming noise coming from the refrigerator? All your appliances need to be in tiptop shape when you have a toddler.  Here are a few tips to save your wallet:

• When you buy a new appliance, consider purchasing the service plan if it’s in your budget. It could be a lifesaver in the long run.

• If you are buying a second-hand appliance, don’t hand that money over until you plug it in and see that it’s in good working order.

• If you’re going to hire a handyman to fix a broken appliance, make sure to check his references. An “I can fix anything” neighbor could spell disaster in more ways than one.

Broken Toys, Knick Knacks and Valuables – Your toddler’s favorite lovey is lost and she can’t go to sleep without it. The wheels just fell off your son’s fire truck. And Grandma’s picture is smashed on the floor. That extra money to replace these things just isn’t there. Here are a few suggestions:

• If your toddler won’t go to sleep without her favorite blue bear, do yourself a favor and buy another one, just in case. Check Amazon.com, Ebay.com or local toy stores for the best prices. You’ll save yourself a lot of extra heartache and sleepless nights if you have a replacement. And remember to take the replacement on family trips.

• Rotate your toddler’s toys on a monthly basis so if something breaks you can pull out a surprise from last month. Old is new and fun and it’s easy to re-direct most toddlers to other activities.

• Toddlers are fast, compulsive and will knock things over. So put those valuables out-of- reach. It’s expensive to replace them and many can’t be replaced at all.

Having a savings is tough for most of us in this day and age. But putting away even $5 a week will add up and help when those unexpected costs arise. Toddlers grow up fast so enjoy every minute. Because before you know it, he’ll be asking for the keys to the car.

Blythe Lipman is the president of Baby Instructions. She is passionate about babies, toddlers and their parents. After working in the field for over thirty-five years, she wrote her fourth award-winning book, HELP! MYTODDLER CAME WITHOUT INSTRUCTIONS, now available at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Audible.com and all major bookstores. You can hear Blythe’s weekly radio show, Baby and Toddler Instructions each Wednesday, 11am EST @ www.toginet.com Blythe is available for in-home, video and telephone consultations. You can contact Blythe at [email protected] or call her office (480)-510-1453. Become her Fan on Facebook at http://bit.ly/IB7HTi and Twitter http://bit.ly/AcUiE4 and visit her website: http://www.babyinstructions.com

My son is an interesting character sometimes. But I give it to him for loving Bible-based animations. Blame it on me for turning him into a little monster but I’d rather him watch cartoons that have positive  messages and are commercial-free than let him watch anything else. Recently we received the Superbook DVDs in the mail much to his surprise. He was outrageously happy to finally get a box in the mail. He watch the first show right away and of course nothing could distract him. He was pretty much hooked and has decided they are his weekend shows to watch.

Superbook is an Old Favorite

We have a little history with the Superbook series. Superbook was one of my daughters favorite when she was younger. She saw all the old ones and loved and prefers them but my son likes the new series just as well. She is not crazy about the updated version and is very vocal about it. Call it being stuck in your ways or hanging on to the familiar. My son is not so picky because animation is animation and entertainment is entertainment, right.

I just like the fact that they teach great values and keeps my son’s attention. They’ve modernized the story which kids today can relate to. Overall I give the new Superbook series five stars for quality, values, and entertainment.

Getting a Super Semi-serious Review from the Guy Himself

After he watched a few of the DVDs I asked him a few questions about it. You can watch his answers in the video. He acted a little camera shy but the truth comes out.

Superbook is a product of CBN. It is currently available at Christian book stores and online.

The ABC Family stations have played the cartoons as well.

I received a review copy of the Superbook DVD series for review. My opinions are my own.

By Jason Alderman

Parents of special needs children have enough on their plates just tending to the health, educational and emotional needs of their kids – not to mention often having to cope with drastically lowered income because of reduced work hours or having to pay someone else for childcare. So it’s not surprising that many of these parents haven’t had time to hatch a long-term financial plan in case their kids need care after they’re not around.

Fortunately, many government programs and community resources are available to help relieve the financial burden of parenting special needs children. But eligibility criteria are complicated and the application process time-consuming. Plus, if you’re not careful, you or well-meaning relatives could inadvertently disqualify your kids for future benefits by not structuring their inheritances correctly.

Here’s a brief overview of key government assistance programs:

The Social Security Administration provides two types of disability coverage: Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Social Security Disability Income (SSDI). Rules and eligibility requirements differ between the two programs – and benefits differ for children and adults.

In a nutshell, SSI is a needs-based, cash-assistance program for disabled people of any age in low-income families with limited resources. Children qualify for SSI benefits if they meet certain strict criteria outlined in SSA Publication 05-11000 (www.ssa.gov/pubs/11000.html).

SSDI is a separate program funded by payroll deductions (part of FICA). Although children sometimes receive SSDI payments if their parents are disabled, their eligibility is based on their parents’ disability status, not on their own. However, after turning 22, already disabled children may qualify for SSDI on their own if at least one parent qualifies for Social Security benefits.

Eligibility rules and definitions for SSI and SSDI are complex. To see if your child qualifies, call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213, or search the Disability and SSI tabs atwww.ssa.gov. One particularly helpful resource is “Benefits for Children with Disabilities,” SSA Publication No. 05-10026.

Many families inadvertently jeopardize their disabled child’s eligibility for government-provided benefits by opening accounts in the child’s name or designating them as beneficiaries. Unfortunately, federal law dictates that recipients of SSI, Medicaid and many state assistance programs will be disqualified if they have resources worth over $2,000. So, if Uncle Jerry leaves your daughter $10,000 in his will, she could lose her benefits.

One good alternative is to create a special needs trust, whose assets can be used by its trustee to manage the finances and personal effects of a disabled person. Trusts are governed by state laws and should only be drafted by an attorney familiar with this area of law.

Some parents name the trust as beneficiary of life insurance policies to ensure a source of funding if they die before their child. (Stay current on your premiums.) Other possible funding sources include cash, stocks and other investments, retirement plan death benefits, home sale proceeds and inheritances from other relatives and friends. Just make sure that the trust –not the child – is named beneficiary.

Preparing a special needs trust can be expensive – possibly several thousand dollars, depending on your situation. But weigh that against the prospect of your child losing out on a lifetime of government-provided benefits because of an accidental inheritance – speaking of which, be sure to let any well-meaning relatives or friends know about the trust.

Jason Alderman directs Visa’s financial education programs. To participate in a free, online Financial Literacy and Education Summit on April 17, 2013, go towww.practicalmoneyskills.com/summit2013.

One of the most exciting parts of parenthood is watching your children learn as they grow. Of course, life’s lessons can be tough just as often as they can be pleasant. And as you want to protect kids from falling off their bike or scraping a knee, you also want to set them up for a successful financial future, as free from worries as possible.

One of the best things you can do to prepare your kids for a lifetime of handling money is to get them started early. But it isn’t only about timing – following through with lessons and providing plenty of explanation is essential.

Keep these tips in mind to give your kids a leg up in learning about finances.

* Start saving. The earlier you can get your kids into the habit of saving, the more they’ll have to enjoy down the road. The concept doesn’t need to be overly complex – and it shouldn’t be, when you’re dealing with very young children. Piggy banks are a perfect tool for starting saving habits; a simple glass jar works, too, and gives kids an exciting visual to associate with their savings. As your children grow, so should their ideas about saving money. Opening a real savings account in your child’s name is not only an exciting event for her, it builds an early understanding of banking. Some schools and banks even have partnerships that allow students to make deposits at school. If your school doesn’t offer such a program, make trips to the bank with your kids and show them how to monitor their accounts.

* Have ongoing conversations about money. Making your children comfortable with discussing finances is a gift that, while not flashy, will serve them well throughout their lives. Start conversations about needs versus wants, budgeting and life’s necessary expenditures. Encourage price comparison skills by going grocery shopping together and looking at different brands. Set an example by telling kids how you save up to buy an item that you want and ways that you cut costs – and what you can get from the savings. If there’s something your child wants, provide guidance and ideas for how to save up the amount needed to make the purchase.

* Effectively use an allowance. An allowance is a tricky thing – it can be a good teaching tool, but you don’t want your kids to view it as a handout. Whether or not you choose to associate chores with an allowance is up to you, but you should have discussions with your children about when allowances will be paid, and how they can be spent – or saved. Encourage savings by providing two bank envelopes – one for savings and one for spending. If your budget allows for it, consider a “match” program in which you contribute a percentage every time your child makes a savings deposit.

* Don’t be afraid of mistakes. Some of the most powerful lessons lie in making mistakes, so don’t be afraid to let your children make some less-than-perfect decisions. Whether they overspend their budgets or waste money on something frivolous and later regret it, it’s important for them to learn the consequences of financial mismanagement early in life.

Teaching kids about money can be daunting, but doing so lays the groundwork for a stable financial future. Whenever possible, make lessons about money fun, yet practical; emphasize that money doesn’t have to be scary, and that good things come from using it wisely. -

Visit the Equifax Finance Blog (blog.equifax.com) for more useful information and tips on managing family money matters. – (BPT)                                                                                                                                 

My first word of advice is to stop trying to do it all. Yes it’s easier said than done so here is a more realistic piece of advice.

Delegate.

Maybe that’s not realistic either so here is my final word on how to cope it all as a working single mom.

Let it go.

Delegate Everything to Give Others a Chance to Help You Cope

That’s what I do. I delegate tasks to my kids, my friends, my family, or anyone who I feel can and is willing to help or I simply let it go. The world will not end and I won’t get labeled the worst mom in the world if I don’t do it all.

My kids are older now so I can delegate the task of cleaning their room, the living room, the kitchen, the car; ok basically the entire house. When they were younger I felt like a terrible mom if I didn’t do everything and the house wasn’t spic and span.

I felt guilty and depressed because my house often looked like a hurricane hit it. But I was working and going to school full-time; trying to study and take care of my small children. My mom made me feel guilty whenever she visited and I did my best to try to please her and meet her standard.

Let It go to Save your Sanity

Finally, I let it go and let myself off the hook. I gave up trying to be super mom. I let the dishes and vacuuming go until I had the time (and energy) to do it.

If I had the money at the time I would have hired someone to come in and clean for me. These days if you can catch a good Living Social or Groupon deal, you might find a cleaning service for $25. I say treat yourself to it and relax your mind.

Be Selfish with Your Time and Limit Kid Activities

Another way to cope with it all is to forget about putting your kid in every sports, dance, or art activity. Those things will eat up your time. Decide if you want them in an activity and if so choose one thing per child and alternate seasons. If you have two children choose on activity and rotate every three months or so. This way you only have to get one child to one activity after school or on the weekend. You don’t get overwhelmed and you free up time to re-energize in the evenings and on the weekend.

A Single Mom Sanity Saver Case Study

A single mom friend of mine is in school, working, active in church, taking care of four kids and was burning out. She felt guilty that she wasn’t spending time with the kids and couldn’t help them with homework and get her homework done.

Homework Help Solutions

I encouraged her to do her homework with the kids so she could be available to help them. She would be setting a good example for them by diligently doing her homework. It was also a way to spend time with them too.

To Cook or Not to Cook

I advised her to stop trying to cook full meals each night. It is okay to have quick meals of breakfast for dinner, burgers or hotdogs with chips, or a bowl of cereal occasionally.

Getting a Nap to Energize Your Life

To get extra sleep, I encouraged her to nap on the sofa while the kids watched a movie a couple days a week. She could let them know in advance that she might fall asleep while watching the movie because she needed a little extra rest. This teaches kids respect and compassion as well as how to take care of their bodies. She would be present for the kids while taking care of herself.

Being responsible for doing it all is challenging and even overwhelming. But managing your life by adopting new ways of thinking and doing things can tame your runaway life.