My son is driving me to the brink!
Now that he is 13 years old and a few inches taller than me he thinks he’s grown and tells me so, quite often, while comparing our heights. I firmly let him know being grown is not about how tall you are but how mature you are. He just shrugs and walks away.
But back to why he is driving me to the brink. I am about to air some of his dirty laundry for the sake of illustrating an important parenting point so don’t judge me (or him).
When His Mess Disrupts My Peace There is H*ll to Pay
My creative son the Roman soldier. Everything made from cardboard and scrap fabric. Gotta love ’em!
Like mother like son. (This is when he was shorter than me…about a year ago)
My son is organizationally challenged but very creative. He gets it honestly from me but his mess is on a whole other level. I mean clothes everywhere and no matter how much I threaten to throw them all away, he is content with his mess.
I’m not one of those mothers who picks up behind him or nags him to clean everyday. My minimum request is to pick up your stuff and make sure there are no offensive odors coming from the room. Being driven to the brink is when his mess spills over into other parts of the house.
“Pizza under my sofa?”
“Really dude?”
” Unbelievable!”
Laying Down the Law Like Only a Ninja Momma Can
His sister ratted him out and I latched on the back of his arm (you know that really tender spot back there) like Cujo. Okay not that badly but I wanted to. I pinched and held on for a good minute while driving my point home about not leaving food under my furniture.
He took it like a little man and refused to cry or let a tear fall but his eyes got pretty round and he understood my point. I asked him what he has to say about it. “I’m sorry” was his response and “I won’t do it again” was his reply when I asked, “what else”.
The Prayer that Would Save Him From Ruin
He is just too cute! I prayed I wouldn’t spoil him for the second woman in his life.
Who could resist the face of this little prince?
My kid was born handsome and I knew if I didn’t put myself in check I would ruin him for the world and any woman he ended up with. So I said a prayer for self-control so I wouldn’t be blinded by his cuteness and spoil him rotten. It’s worked so far but I still have to remain focused on the goal.
I am raising a man, a world citizen who will l eventually leave my home and become a member of society. He can’t make it if I let stuff like pizza under the sofa slide by without consequences.
Lecturing Teaching Personal Responsibility
Later I lectured him on the importance of being responsible and taking initiative. Keeping his room clean and learning are his only real jobs, while going out and working to provide a roof over his head and food to eat is my job.
He then mumbled something (because he dare not say it out loud) about learning being too hard. *Sigh* Big mistake to say that buddy!
Enlightening the Young Grasshopper About Learning
“Too hard?”
“Learning is too hard?”
Well you know I went into another 10 minute diatribe about learning. I explained that learning is something he is constantly doing. When he watches movies and tv shows (with the subtitles on) on Netflix and Amazon Prime he is learning.
When he plays video games he is learning. When he talks to people like grandpa and his aunt he is learning.
When he goes on YouTube and learns how to make a sheath for his new sword out of duck tape he is learning.
“So learning is easy and I don’t ever want to hear you say it’s hard again.”
“Do you understand?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“You no longer have an excuse for not learning because it’s easy.”
Cracking the Whip and Doing Chores Builds Lifelong Character
After my lecture, er…teaching moment, I gave him cleaning instructions and left him to it.
Was he angry? Yes.
Did I care? Nope.
Why?
Because his temporary anger is less important than the long term lessons he will learn and that will equip him for the future.
I’m not his friend but his parent and life coach. Like a dojo master of life I must be tough when I need to be and kind/compassionate when the situation calls for it.
I’ve think I’ve learned to find a balance with both my kids. They each require different coaching styles from me. Where one can handle being fussed at the other dissolves into tears. One is stubborn and tough while the other is more pliable. Knowing their personalities is important in this process. Building character is the goal regardless of their personality because it is what matters at the end of the day.
How do you deal with your son (or daughter) when he/she threatens to drive you to the brink?
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
So funny!! My son is 12 and this article could have been written about him, he is so similar to your son. My son is so happy that he’s taller than me, he looks down at the top of my head and remarks on my gray hairs. I’ve told him that if he looks closely each gray hair has his name on it LOL!
I heard Maya Angelou say once (and I hope I don’t butcher this too much) that she had the benefit of loving her son without being IN love with her son. I totally get that, we have to love them enough to teach them the hard lessons.
@Demetra Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I guess all boys this age go through this elation when they get taller than mom. I love the quote by Maya Angelou. It embodies my philosophy very well.