[Free Ebook] Rich Relationships vs. Toxic Relationships
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Single motherhood usually comes about because of toxic relationships and in some cases death of a spouse. But toxic relationships are the usual culprit. For one reason or another the two people involved make decisions, choices the other cannot life with.
Been There, Done That, Got the T-Shirt
I’ve been there before. My past relationships all started out pretty good though I admit most were rushed, but they were good none the less. I enjoyed the moments of love and hoped it would last forever. But one day my eyes were opened or I began to feel uncomfortable with the way things were happening. I missed a lot of signs out of ignorance or willful blindness.
Finding Myself in Deep Doo-Doo
Then I found myself in a situation where I felt neglected, used, and abused. I was in a toxic relationship. It was not good and I wanted out (or he wanted out). But sometimes wanting to get out and actually making the choice and taking the steps can be hard. The relationship is familiar and in its own distorted way, feels “safe”.
Remembering My Little Girl Dreams
But what I really wanted was a healthy relationship, what I call a “rich” relationship. I dreamed about it when I was a young girl. I wanted a quality man who loved me and took care of me. I wanted him to protect me and make me feel safe. I wanted to be cherished but somehow I got the opposite. How sad for me 
.
Poor Little Me Self-Pity is Self-Defeating
For years I wallowed in self-pity and confusion. I did not know how to get what I really wanted deep in my heart. There was a wall I could not get through, over, or around. I felt stuck and afraid I would never know what it was like to have a healthy relationship. My behavior pulled me toward men who preyed on me because I was very needy and desperate. That is a bad combination and toxic, or what I like to call crummy men, know how to sniff out a desperate woman.
Being a Target for Crummy Guys is Toxic
It was like I had a bulls eye on my forehead that said, “come take advantage of me”. Yep it was that bad. I was a nice lady so why did men take me for granted, use me, and abuse me? Why couldn’t I find a nice guy and live happily ever after? Everyone told me I’d make a great wife because I had all the qualities a man could want. Yet I attracted one crummy guy after another.
Taking a Break to Get Clear is Healthy
After a few of them, I took a break to get myself together. I was so tired and ready to give up on men completely. But that’s not what I really wanted because I actually really like men 
! I wanted my dream of a healthy, rich relationship filled with mutual respect, love, and compatibility. I was determined to find out how to get it, or rather attract it.
Getting Clarity and Dumping the Baggage
After much prayer, meditation, and working on my stuff I found the answers I needed to turn my love life around. Now I attract quality men who are thoughtful, kind, protective and whom I enjoy getting to know. But more importantly I am no longer acting out of desperation and the bull’s eye is in the garbage, by the curb, along with all my other baggage.
Learning a New Way of Relating is Fun
The crazy thing is it did not take me years to learn how to attract great guys and rich relationships. The thing that takes time is going through and dumping the baggage. But you don’t have to wait that long to start attracting quality people. You just have to be willing to change or shift your mindset about 45 degrees and it will happen for you.
Sharing What I Learned with You is Liberating
I get emails from and have conversations with women and single moms all the time who talk about their toxic relationships. They want advice, help, and answers to why their guy is misbehaving. They want to know how to cope in that kind of relationship. The truth is you can’t thrive and truly be your best self in this kind of relationship.
Share Your Story and Get My Gift to You
So are you in a toxic relationship? Have you ever been in one before? Take the quick survey below and let me know.
Want to read this mini guide I wrote about why you may be attracting crummy guys, toxic relationships and heartache? Click the ebook to take a quick 5-question survey and it’s yours. I really hope you are in a great relationship right now. But if you aren’t you don’t have to be miserable if you want better. I really wish you all the best! Check out the ebook. It’s good medicine 
Samantha Gregory
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I have interviewed hundreds of women who have been in several toxic relationships and they taught me how they got there. Together, we learned how to change that pattern.
This wasn’t my intention, originally. These women came to me because they were physically ill but diagnostic tests showed nothing wrong. That common problem was my specialty for 25 years. Turns out the cause of illness in nearly all of them was stress they didn’t fully recognize. I helped them to understand what was happening and turn the situation around.
For many of them, one of the stresses was that their romantic relationships had a habit of turning out badly over and over. Nearly everyone in that situation had been in a bad environment as a child. Some were abused, others had an alcoholic or drug-using parent (or two), some witnessed repeated violence, many experienced bullying by peers, often I heard people say nothing they ever did was good enough to earn praise.
The result was poor self-esteem. So it was only natural they would fall into relationships with people who treated them in the way they knew best. Usually they saw their role as fixing whatever their partner thought was wrong because this was what they had always done. If they met someone kind and supportive, they didn’t trust it because they didn’t feel worthy.
This doesn’t change overnight and may benefit from a therapist or coach but I can give you two ideas to consider. First, recognize that a hero in our society is someone who has overcome a difficult physical or emotional challenge for a good cause. Then imagine watching a child you care about growing up exactly as you did. Would you think of them as heroic? If so, shouldn’t you then think of yourself as heroic? If you do, your radar for detecting Mr Wrong will get considerably stronger.
Second, think about writing a letter (usually not mailed) to the person(s) who mistreated you. Honestly express your thoughts and emotions about what you experienced. This helps reinforce your pride in overcoming a challenging situation during a vulnerable time of life.
When you have done these things, your self-respect will jump and, in the future, when the Mr Wrongs of the world are even slightly disrespectful, you will reject it. When Mr Right comes along, you will feel more comfortable with how positive he is toward you.