I’m one of those ultra independent, over-achieving women who regularly experience overwhelm.

I find ways to compensate, like eating chocolate or vegging out on movies for hours at a time. It’s my dad’s fault I am this way (and partly my mom’s too). They taught me (overtly and covertly) that I have to be self-reliant and take care of things myself so I won’t be disappointed in other people.

Let me tell you, that’s a sucky way to live. Unfortunately, this has been so ingrained in my life, it’s like a part of my DNA.

Being an independent do-it-yourself-er has had it’s advantages. I’ve taken risks in life that others may not feel comfortable in taking. I’ve accomplished things and been successful.

But the overwhelm still comes and I still veg out on movies or overdose on chocolate.

I retreat to my bedroom too and sometimes forget that my kids may want to see me more than just at dinner time.

With so many roles pulling at me and so many things I “have” to do, I just check out and leave it for another day. If it’s not life threatening, then it can wait until tomorrow.

Independence and overachieving is fine for a 20-something single, no kids woman.

But as a 40ish woman with two kids I’m learning it’s healthier (and wiser) to be more interdependent and average (did I really say that?) if I want to see my kids grow up and get married.

It’s a challenge to change, but at this point change in necessary…

Samantha Gregory

Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.

Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.

She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.