CNN and most major news outlets reported on the story of a single mom who refused to deploy to Afganistan. The reason is she has no one to care for her small child. I read the story with mixed emotions because I feel her pain yet, because of the precarious situation she’s in as a member of the military, I can’t help but be upset at her. Read about it here and see it here.
Being in the military is a serious deal. You are turning your life over to the government and promised to go where they tell you to go. I’ve dated a man in the military and he was under their command. The fact that she is young and inexperienced doesn’t help matters. The young tend to be a bit rebellious and aren’t known for making the best decisions.
There are many things she could have done to prevent the situation. What I’m about to say may sound harsh but I gotta say it.
Firstly, she is a private, so she recently joined the military with the full knowleged that we are at war. The possibility of going into a warzone is pretty much absolute. There is no way around that. I don’t know why she joined but her life was no longer her own when she signed the papers and took the vow. In essence she knew what she was getting into.
Secondly, as a woman in the military she has the responsibility to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant. As a single woman it’s was even more important, especially with no guarantee of marriage (I have no idea what happened in the relationship with the father). So now she has a child to take care of, the father is unavailable. Being in the military, being unmarried and not being on birth control (perhaps the condom broke) is a bad idea.
So what will happen to her now? Her mother was supposed to take care of her son for the year she was to be away, but she decided she couldn’t take care of him. Now that’s harsh. It seems neither of them considered the consequences of their actions. This Single Mom soldier is now being detained while the investigation continues.
I have some pretty sexist views about women in the military, but I won’t start that rant. The bottom line is this mother is in a lot of trouble because she didn’t take control of her life. She didn’t plan well or consider the consequences of all her actions. Living life based on emotions is a dangerous proposition. We tend to make horrible mistakes. Fortunately for her and for us, we can learn from those mistakes. If we don’t it’s completely pointless to think you will become a mature person who is capable of succeeding in life.
Wow. There is definitely a lot there…
Hmmm… all I can say is that, in life, things happen. Plans change. Yes, she is in the military and has a certain responsibility to the country, however, she also has a certain responsibility to her child, no? If there is no one else to take care of the child what would you have her do? Put the child up for adoption?? Abandon the child?? What exactly?? What’s done is done now, the child is here so the could have/should have really doesn’t matter. She may be young, but aren’t many who go off to war?? I think the only reason that people get married when they are going into the military is because they know they might not be coming back and probably want to have children so that they will, in a way, live on. If women, especially single women in the military should never have children, then I think that NO person in the military should ever have children, knowing that you could be killed.
I’m personally not found of the military myself, so I already have my own personal feelings wrapped up in it. I just hope that they can come to some kind of conclusion that doesn’t land her in jail or something like that because its really stupid. Give her a discharge and keep it moving. Ain’t like there is a shortage of people willing to fight for this country.
@ Ms. Bar B – She certainly does have a responsibility to her child and I’m sure she did what she thought was best under the circumstances. This is a sticky situation that will have no right answers for everyone. Life happens but I think we have more power within ourselves than we are sometimes willing to tap into. My opinion about this matter are just that, opinion. They aren’t right or wrong just how I feel.
@ Traci – Thanks for your comment and perspective. That is all my article is about, my perspective. Not about rights or even a reason that will please everyone. This is a controversial topic that will leave a few people steaming and that’s okay too. Everyone has a right to their opinion. The truth of the matter is being in the military leaves little room for the rights of the individual and their feelings. It’s hard to understand if you aren’t in the military or haven’t been in that environment or involved with someone who is.
A good friend of mine, a single dad in the military who had to leave his son for year, related, in very colorful terms, that this young lady knew what she was getting into by joining the military. I can’t go into all that the said in my response, but in essence, this young lady has a duty to bear her responsibility to the military. This is especially true since so many women fought for the right to even be in the service.
Her plans fell through but according to the reports she had an extension and ample time to come up with Plan C. We certainly don’t know every minute detail of this case so all that is left is speculation and opinion.
There is so much to say about your article…
Married or single, it is NEVER guaranteed that a man will be there to fill in the blanks. I happen to know several men that are in the household, some that are even husbands, that can not take that task, if called upon. You are so out of line attacking this young woman because YOU feel that, she didn’t consider the consequences of her actions. Are you kidding me?! The simple fact that she is signed up for the military, with the possibility of going to war, answers its own question of why she may have wanted a child. Should she not be one of the fortunate that returns, she has something that is left of her in this world. That’s reason enough! She may have had a backup plan that failed. Who can determine that in advance?! No one. How can I say that? I’ve been there. The plans set in stone, all ready to go, and at the last minute, your plan B, goes awry. Sometimes it’s inevitable. That’s life.
I do hope they don’t prosecute her in any way. That child needs his mother and no one is going to take care of that child the way his mother would. The closest she might come to it is with the grandmother, and since she can’t…
Thank you for your response. You are correct in that “the military leaves little room for the rights of the individual and their feelings”. My ex-husband was in the Army and the 1/2 our marriage was spent with him in Iraq. He survived Iraq, but did not survive life, and subsequently took his own upon returning. I know the turmoil that life had on us and that there were many limitations of what we could do individually, and as a couple.
To a certain degree, I can understand why one would feel that she knew exactly what she signed up for. That is a reality, and I can’t deny that. I guess I am just looking at it from the perspective of being a mother and that baby being so small still. I lost my father when I was 3 years old, and don’t remember much about him. I can only imagine how much reconnecting she will have to do with that baby once she returns home – if she returns home.
I will be following the story because it’s an interesting scenario that many military women will be watching to see what rights, if any, they have as well.
Again, “thank you” for the response.
Traci
While there is no way to discuss this, the bottom line is because she is not going, some one will go in her place. The privilages she enjoys as an active duty soldier are hers to enjoy. Currently I’m deployed and the enttire situaion is insulting. I’m a single father. No mother is present for my son. Nor can he stay with my own mother who is not capable of keeping him. We are alone. But….if you raise your hand, take a skill and then back out of your duty, what should happen to you? I don’t know the answer, but I do know what’s going to happen to me. I’m going to have to be gone longer and more often, because she and others like her, refuse to honor their obligation to this country. A large amount of $ is going forthe care of my son during my absence. And that’s okay. I don’t ask for assistance. But how does she rate this if she’s new. I’ve got 23 years invested and I have no consideration for such ‘a status’. When it’s time to go, you go. She should have never come in.