Confessions of a Reluctant Mom: My Own Inspiring Story

I have a confession. I never wanted children. When I was a preteen and young adult I thought that kids were more trouble than they were worth. The ones I encountered were spoiled, sneaky and downright obnoxious. Who in their right mind would want to deal with that kind of foolishness?

Poor Babies!

My friends told me that if I ever had kids they would be scarred for life because I was so mean. I didn’t care because no kid of mine would behave like the ones I saw everyday. I admit that I was quite firm. I would not tolerate spoiled kids that didn’t know how to obey (hey, there’s a word you don’t hear to much any more). My parents made me obey and if I didn’t there were consequences and repercussions! I survived and turned out to be pretty well adjusted (barring a few minor setbacks but all in all I’m fine. No really!).

Now I have two adorable children of my own. I brought them into the world (even though I was scared to death) and I’ve manage to elicit love and proper attachment. When I learned that I was going to have my babies (after getting over the denial) I determined to be the best mom I could be. I would love them and nurture them in a way I had not known. I prayed a lot during that time for wisdom and a mother’s heart.

Challenges to Triumph

I admit my kids have tried me over the last 14 years. We have had our ups and downs, but through it all they know that mommy will have a hissy fit if they ever deliberately cross me or disobey me. They know what I will and will not tolerate because I have set the boundaries. “Mommy loves you but she has no problem drawing the line and you’d better not step over it!”

I love my children and celebrate the day they were born. I wouldn’t trade them in for the world, though sometimes I think they would trade me in (especially when I make them clean their rooms). We’ve managed to make it through some really rough times and we are better because of it. Sometimes I think they know me better than I know myself but the great thing is that they accept me unconditionally. Maybe it’s because they really have no other choice .

Non-Traditional Motherhood Challenges

My becoming a mom didn’t happen in the traditional sense. I had them outside of marriage and struggled for years though shame and depression. I eventually married (and divorced) in an effort to complete the hole I thought was in my family. I’ve been though domestic abuse, fled to a battered women’s shelter, lost my house, and a number of other negative events took place. It was hard and painful to go through but I knew I had to keep moving forward for my kids. I could not let them grow up seeing me angry, depressed and beaten down by life. Pulling through was important for their survival and future as well adjusted children.

I have been able to accomplish all of this because of my faith in God and determination to go after my dreams. When I was a teenager I had a poster that I loved. The quote simply said, “Before the reality comes the dream”. I didn’t know what the meant for a long time. I would turn it over and over again in my mind but it just didn’t make sense.

Recently it dawned on me what it meant. I had to dream first before it could become my reality. I had to set goals, define my success, and pursue my dreams. I could not wait for the world and the circumstances to be just right. I learned to create my own circumstances by deciding what I wanted out of life.

Planning My Success

Some people may look at me and see all that I have accomplished. They would probably say that I was lucky, but luck has nothing to do with being successful. It has to be planned out and pursued. I had to make myself ready for the opportunities that I was seeking. I had to learn to be in the right place at the right time. I had to face fears and stare them down. I still get scared sometimes but I cannot allow those fears to stop my progress.

I had to learn that I control my mind, mouth, and feelings. I had to stop wasting time and energy on being angry. I had to learn the best revenge is success. When I learned that I no longer need another person to validate me or make me feel worthy, I could break free from negative dependence on others.

A Challenge to You

If you are struggling with depression, shame, or anger right now, I hope you will take a clue from my life and choose the path of change. Today is your day to remember your dreams and set some goals. You can stay stuck in the quicksand of hatred or you can change your life. The choice is completely yours. You don’t have to be powerless anymore and you certainly don’t have to let the whims of another person control the outcome of your life.

Though I started off as a reluctant mom, I am now one of the happiest, most fulfilled moms in the world. It felt like my challenges would swallow me up, but with God’s help and stubborn determination I’ve moved forward to create the best life possible for my kids.

• Bio
• Latest Posts

Samantha Gregory

Editor at Rich Single Momma

Samantha Gregory has been encouraging single moms to learn how to thrive and not just survive the single mom journey. She is a coach, mentor, writer, mobile app developer, and mom of two. Hire her for your next project by calling 404-939-6179 or email samantha at richsinglemomma.com. Connect with her on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and Pinterest.

Latest posts by Samantha Gregory (see all)

• test - Oct 1, 2013
• Help Your Georgia Schools Win $10k with #TrueBlueSchools - Sep 26, 2013
• How My Ninja Mom Moves Saves My Sanity - Sep 26, 2013