Single Mom Self-sufficiency: Think You Don’t Need Any Help? Think Again

by | Jun 30, 2011

What does that really mean? Does it mean we do not need anyone else? Does it mean we are super women who can take on the world alone with children and the kitchen sink in tow?

Self-sufficiency simply means we are capable of taking care of ourselves in an adequate and meaningful way. It means we can stand on our own two feet and use the resources within to meet the basic needs we have.

However, we still need to ask for help and support from others. We still need to gracefully accept offers of help from family, friends, community agencies, and co-workers.

Self-sufficiency does not mean independence or a “woman-as-an-island” mentality. Is that really the message you want to send your daughters so she can sabotage all her future relationships? Do you want your son to grow up thinking all women are super women and he’s not good for much of anything?

Acknowledging the need for human interaction and assistance is a valid part of being self-sufficient and beautifully whole through this journey of single motherhood.

Rich Single Momma’s Road to Self-Sufficiency and Financial Independence, Part 2

by | Jun 19, 2011

In part one I told you about my foundation in the church, the bad decisions I made, my early career days and progression in pay. I also shared my decision to relocate after my son was born.

Here is the rest of the story in my journey toward self-sufficiency and financial independence as a single mom.

I changed jobs and began working at the college I would eventually graduate from. I enrolled in an evening program that would allow me to work and go to school. Eventually, I changed programs and started school full-time.

I continued working part-time and taking care of my children. Through connections I was able to find childcare for my daughter and my sister kept my son for a couple of years.

More Detours But Determination Ruled My Life

I went through a really rough patch during this time that almost broke my and my children’s spirit. We got through it and I never quit school, though it would have been understandable if I had.

I graduated with honors at the end of my program and got a full time position at the company I had an internship through. During my internship I was making just over $12 an hour. After the internship my pay jumped to over $17 an hour. Within a year I was promoted and my pay jumped again to over $20 an hour.

Determination’s Great Payoff

I was able to purchase a house and a new car two years after I graduated and was no longer dependent on child support. Through it all I remained focused on my goal of self-sufficiency and financial independence. I continued to learn and grow professionally and pick up skills that make me very marketable today.

Though I made terrible choices in men I made good decisions in my career. Today I am a consultant and freelance technical writer. I can command a high hourly rate now and live very comfortably with my children in one of the better areas of town.

My car is almost paid for and I am back in school training for a career in the healthcare industry. This change will increase my earning potential and allow me to have more financial independence.

My Future is Bright!

I am planning to buy another home in a couple of years, but right now I am enjoying the mental freedom of not having to deal with maintenance issues and yard work. I believe it’s all about choices and making decisions that fit into the life I am creating for me and my children.

From the beginning of this single parent journey I began making choices that would position me for success. I haven’t always done things perfectly or made the best decisions. But I kept my eye on my ultimate goal; to be financially independent and raise my children in a healthy environment. Every decision I’ve made systematically moved me toward those goals. Prayer, perseverance, and faith as well as support from family and friends got me where I am today.

Every Single Mom Can Become Self-Sufficient and Financially Free

I believe it is possible for every woman who finds herself in a position of single parenthood to create a great life for herself and her children. There is nothing stopping you except disbelief and fear.

If you will push through those monsters you can do anything. Even if they continue to ride your back you can do anything you want to do. I did it despite going through abusive relationships and meeting people who tried to discourage and sabotage me. But I’ve learned that we can be the biggest saboteur of our dreams.

Don’t believe the lie that says you cannot be self-sufficient and financially free. Don’t believe the people who tell you this is all there is for you. Don’t give in to the fear that tells you, life as a single mom is too overwhelming. There will be days when it feels that way but it will not last.

You CAN Re-Invent Your Life and Begin Again

There were days when the dark cloud of depression was so heavy on me I could not sleep at night. There were times when I wanted to end it all. But I thought about my children and my love for them. They did not ask to be born into this world so I owed it to them to create a better life for them by becoming whole and the best I could become.

I am still a work in progress. I still have my failures, but I get up and start again. If there is nothing else you get from this article get this: You can ALWAYS start again. You can ALWAYS re-invent yourself. You just have to make the decision to begin again and create the life you want.

Rich Single Momma’s Road to Self-Sufficiency and Financial Independence, Part 1

by | Jun 18, 2011

When I was facing single motherhood I did not know that one day I would be self-sufficient and financially independent.

I didn’t have too many high hopes but I kept moving forward even through severe depression, financial hardships, and bad relationships.

But I had a dream of being in a place where I would never have to depend on the government or child support. I believed my dreams would become a reality despite how things looked at the present time.

Starting With a Good Foundation

I’m a big reader. Someone told me many years before that if I learned to love reading I could do anything I wanted to do in my life. I would never be ignorant and subject to the power of others. I could control my destiny.

I also learned the importance of broadening my horizons because if I did I would never be stuck in one place mentally or physically. I lived in a one stop light town for most of my life and I knew I did not want to stay there forever. I saw what staying did to people so I wanted out.

I was born and raised in the church so I had knowledge of God and learned bible scriptures and how to pray. I read the bible and other religious books so my foundation was set.

Detoured by Bad Decisions

My decisions in life weren’t always good, that is how I became a single mother, but my foundation and all I learned made me return to God time and time again. He was faithful and kept me and showed me how to live successfully even though I was single parent and despite what others thought of my and what they felt I deserved.

When I got pregnant with my first child I moved in with my parents. They were a blessing to me and were a great source of support. I also got on the WIC program and Medicaid. When my daughter was three months old I moved into my own place under the Section 8 program.

Working and Training for Success

I was working for the Probate Judges office making a little above minimum wage; $7.65 an hour to be exact. I received food stamps at the time as well. With this combination of work and assistance I was able to live well enough and be comfortable.

I had a car that I purchased with my tax refund so I didn’t have a car note. My dad is an auto mechanic so he helped me find a suitable car. I drove that car for five years.

I eventually got another job at a large insurance company in the IT department. I was making just over $10 an hour and was getting benefits.

I learned as much as I could on the job through the training programs they offered and the online courses they had. I sought out every opportunity to learn about computers, which eventually paid off years down the road.

Yet Another Detour but Recovering

During that time I got pregnant with my second child. I was devastated and scared to death. I made a bad choice in the man I was with, which eventually became evident when I told him I was pregnant.

At the same time he was fired for sexually harassing another woman. He had emotional problems and became a stalker. My dad helped me out regarding him. At five months pregnant he disappeared and I haven’t heard from him since.

After my son was born I began thinking about relocating. I knew I could not raise two children on my salary. I needed more for myself and for them.

I wanted to go back to college and get my bachelor’s degree. I felt I could get a much better job to support us with more education.

I decided to move to the city my sister lived in. I researched jobs and through a friend I found one along with a great apartment.

In part 2 I’ll share more about my journey toward self-sufficiency and financial independence.

How to Become Self-Sufficient and Financially Independent as a New Single Mom

How to Become Self-Sufficient and Financially Independent as a New Single Mom

by | Jun 17, 2011

That seems like the million dollar question, but it’s a very real one to ask. Facing single motherhood after divorce is pretty scary. If you have been dependent on a spouse for the last few years and now face doing it all alone it can feel overwhelming

Hopefully you have been thinking about all of this during the separation process but if you haven’t here are some tips to get you on your feet and heading toward independence and economic self-sufficiency.

  1. Change your mindset – If your mind is filled with fear and negativity about your situation or your ex you will not get very far. Your thoughts determine your level of success so start thinking positively.

2. Dream and set goals – Think about where you want to be. How does your ideal life look? Think about it in detail then write down what it will take to get there. After that make a list of all the things you need to do. Keep your dream, your strategy, and your list in a place you can see it each day.

3. Get your kids on board and train them to help themselves – The pressure of raising kids alone is magnified if the kids are overly dependent on you for their age. Teach them how to do age appropriate things and learn how to solve problems on their own (with your guidance)

4. Create a one income spending plan – Things have changed and child support (even with a court order) may not be very reliable or always available. Live within the means you have and get temporary assistance when you need it. This is not the time to be proud if you are struggling

5. Get a better job or train for a new career to make more money – This is important because it will often determine how quickly you become financially independent. Look for a training program that fits your personality and lifestyle choice. Keep learning by taking advantage of every free resource and growing by paying for training you can’t get for free but will give you better opportunities.

6. Learn to be frugal and control your spending – look for sales, bargains, and freebies. You are trying to live below your means until you are financially independent.

7. Pay cash or use debit cards – Stay out of debt and cut up all your credit cards. Paying case ensures you will not go into debt, which causes stress.

8. Cut your expenses – Continue to reduce your spending by cutting unnecessary expenses like that over bloated cable plan, the landline, and any other frivolous services. Instead get Netflix, a pre-paid cell phone, and shop at thrift stores for a while.

9. Make extra money – Baby sit or get a weekend job at a restaurant (free or discounted food for your family) or department store (reduced prices and discounts for clothes and/or household items). Use your skill to tutor someone as well. Finally, sell your diamond engagement ring for some cold hard cash!

10. Save 5-10% of your income – each pay period be sure to pay yourself. Live on the money you have left over.

11. Give to charity – Give back with your time, money, clothing or other resources. It helps you remember how blessed you are and this is a good example for your kids to learn how to help others. The benefit is more blessings coming to you.

These tips are just the beginning of the process but if you follow them you will be in a better place a year from now. No matter how overwhelmed you feel, NEVER give up. Though the situation is hard and overwhelming, you have the unique opportunity to create the life you’ve always wanted.

This weekend I’ll share my personal story of how I became self-sufficient and financially independent.

5 Moneymaking Gigs Moms Can Get Working from a Computer

by | Jun 8, 2011

When you have to stay at home to manage life with kids, then any avenue for making extra money for the household tends to have to circuit around the home computer. Anything more involved than that tends to overcomplicate the already attention-intensive process of taking care of growing minds. Here are a few ways for you to earn a little bit of extra income using the home computer:

1. Part-time writing

There’s a Hurston inside us all. Writing has been a woman’s outlet for centuries when no other way of expressing ourselves was available or allowed. Getting gigs writing copy might be hard starting out, but part-time writing for advertisers who need hyperlinked content is a good start you can later use as experience. Online news sites like Patch.com are always hiring too, so don’t be afraid to investigate online classified for such opportunities.

2. Telemarketing

It’s not as glamorous as a paid writing part time position, but the advent of voice over-IP technology has made the job of the telemarketing almost exclusively an at-home position. It’s a great way to potentially make some cash while keeping kids within eyesight. Hours might not be your own like with other home jobs though.

3. Online Surveys

Market researchers like Survey Head are always looking for more people to participate in survey taking and always have rewards ready to be dished out to those who do. While the gains might not always be as actual as the enticing offers survey companies make, you’re sure to get some use out of what you can get and cash earnings are definitely possible.

4. Photo/Video Editing

This is a great one for moms with a little bit of tech savvy flowing through their veins. Editing photos and videos for weddings and other functions can be a great paying career easily executed from home, but you better have the skills and creative talent that’s demanded.

5. Online Auctioneering/Sales

Avoid offers of “holding” and “shipping” products for people in return for making some sort of initial payment, as these tend to be scams. But plenty of wholesalers in your area could need help selling their products online. Simply call around to see if there’s anyone interested. It doesn’t take much but an inventive advertising mind to get a popular online auction in action.

Being limited to the confines of the home for the sake of family doesn’t mean you can’t earn some extra money. Just keep an open mind about your talents and the opportunities that are out there.