[Podcast] Surviving Single Motherhood – Krystal Casey

[00:00:00] Samantha: Hi everyone. Welcome to another episode of Hello Prosperity. I’m Samantha Gregory, your host. And hello Prosperity is powered by Rich single mama.com. And as usual, today I’m bringing a wonderful single mom guest. Her name is Crystal Casey, and she’s here to tell us about her single mom journey, about her business, and about our new project that we’re working.

[00:00:20] So trigger warning, there may be some content that you may find a little heavy for you. So if you find that you don’t want to hear certain things regarding a personal story, then I’m just letting you know up front you could be triggered. But along those lines, on a lot note, welcome Crystal. Thank you so much for being a part of the Hello Prosperity podcast.

[00:00:42] Thanks for being here. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I’m really. , I always start out, how did you become a single mom? Tell us a little bit about your journey and hopefully what your journey can inspire someone who either is in the valley of decision or has been through or going through what you’ve been through.

[00:01:00] So I’m really excited to hear about your story. Yeah. Like you said my story is heavy. I officially became a mom in spring of 2021, so it wasn’t too long ago. But truthfully, I feel like I’ve been doing this mom thing on my own pretty much since my first kid was born. in 2010.

[00:01:21] Krystal: I was married for 11 years to my middle school sweetheart, Junior high. Middle school. Is it sixth grade? Yeah. . And we had five kids over those 11 years. And I got lost in motherhood pretty quickly. I got lost in postpartum. I had suffered ptsd, D C P T S D, that’s a mouthful before I even had children, and it was actually misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder.

[00:01:50] And so I was given medication that wasn’t helpful and I was just I was on. Healing journey, but I was hitting a lot of walls. So I would and throw on that newborn with an infant, with a preschooler. And yeah, it was just, it was a lot. And I got lost. My husband battled addiction, but I was not aware of the depths of his addiction until after he, he passed away.

[00:02:20] He did pass away because of his addiction. He had been unfaithful to me. He had been neglectful to all of us. He was narcissistic, even though I didn’t understand even what that was at the time when I was going through it. And on top of it all, what broke me in the end was learning that he had been molesting our daughter for a number of.

[00:02:41] And it unraveled once I made that discovery and, in the end his addiction took him, his actions caught up with him, and I was left a single mom. Okay. So how many children you said you have, you had five children with you? I have five. You have five children. Okay. Awesome. And your youngest was just born in 2020?

[00:03:05] She was just, she was born in 2020. 2020. Okay. A Covid baby. . wow. Yeah. Yeah. . Yes. I’m sure that’s, that was something different. Boy. Cause Woo. The pandemic definitely tried a lot of us. It was my poor baby. She did not even meet people outside of the family for the first like 18 months of her life.

[00:03:25] Samantha: Yeah. Wow. Okay. So in your healing journey, cause I love talking about, single mom and the healing journey because that. Part of ourselves. And then you being essentially a widow is traumatic in and of itself. Yeah. And so I just really wanna just talk a little bit about the healing journey for you.

[00:03:46] And not to dive really too deep into it, but what was the thing, What type of healing modalities have you used? Like therapy or anything? Or anything else? Yeah, for sure. So I have been in therapy. Yeah. Forever , it feels like on and off forever. I definitely, I’m a strong believer in therapy.

[00:04:08] Krystal: , I believe in finding a good therapist who works for you , and I believe that we also outgrow our therapists at different times. Sure. So as we progress in our journey, I’ve had to change around, I also, I do utilize medication at this point. I didn’t for a number of years, but after losing my husband, I.

[00:04:29] Have to reach out and get some extra help Sure. In that way. But I do a lot of more natural things. , so I practice meditation, mindfulness not nearly as much as I would like to or I should. I’m not at all trying to sit here and be like, Oh, I do this all, No, it’s not.

[00:04:47] I do it because I need it because I’m a hot mess and I’m crazy. Chaos all the time. Everything is chaos. But yoga is super, super helpful. Because trauma is stored in the body. And yoga is mind, body and soul. . So when I practice yoga and I combine it with music, it’s just like this magic that happens.

[00:05:09] Yeah. So that kind of led me to becoming a yoga instructor. I opened up a yoga studio. I had a studio for a while. And that has been my greatest tool is yoga and everything that, that un unleashes. Yes. . Perfect. Perfect. love that. Finding the thing that works for you to get your healing.

[00:05:32] Samantha: I’m all for it because. If being a mother is enough, , Yeah. I A single mother is another layer on top of that. And then dealing with, mental health issues on top of that is yes ma’am, a whole different world. And so I really commend you for taking these steps over the years to get the help that you need so that you can be on this healing journey.

[00:05:53] Because I find so many single moms who are stuck in this, in the trauma. Of right. Their, the loss of their children’s father their friend, their spouse, their lover, whomever he was in her life. And they’re stuck there. And like you said, it gets in your body and you just relive it over and over again.

[00:06:13] And you have no way to release it until you make the decision that, I wanna be free, I wanna be healed, and I want, I’m ready to release this and let this.

[00:06:23] Krystal: And it’s more, and it’s more than just the physical and it’s more than just the decision and it’s really integrating all of it, which is how I discovered it in the first place.

[00:06:33] Cause when I went to help, when I went to the professionals, they were like, Oh, here’s a prescription, and go talk to someone once a week. And I’m like, Okay, that’s great, but it’s not nearly enough. Nobody was asking me about my eating patterns. Nobody was asking me if I was hydrated. Nobody was asking me if I was sleeping at night nobody asked me if I meditated, like what about the rest of nobody asked me how my sex life was going.

[00:06:55] You know what I mean? There’s so much more to humanity. Than the physical body. And so true. I even found that when I get, Cause I, I was diagnosed with depression and I had chronic depression for almost 20, maybe 30 years. I’m not sure. I don’t remember. But, and I found that once I started going through that, the emotions of healing, one of the things that would trigger like depression depressive episodes was I wasn’t taking any of my vitamins.

[00:07:22] , vitamin B. This really will change how you feel. Oh, yes. . I was like, wow. I remember there was a point back at the beginning of my journey when I went to a it was like a natural. Ballistic specialist. . And I was like, Maybe there’s something wrong with, whatever. And she broke down like, what are your eating patterns and what kind, what foods do you eat and how often do you eat them?

[00:07:48] And she turned around and she was like, Okay, Even for somebody who didn’t have the trauma background that you have, who didn’t have the kids, who didn’t have. Spouse issues that you’re dealing with. , just your nutrition deficiency alone Yeah. Would cause a number of these issues. Yeah. So let’s start with that, because that’s very easy to control.

[00:08:07] , that’s very basic. And so that’s really where I started and where I always go back to when I start to get to that point, it’s what can I control? What is simple? , what is it that I can do to take the steps to get out of this space?

[00:08:21] Samantha: Absolutely. Absolutely. I And I mean I definitely encourage all the listeners to take a look at . The basic things. Your nutrition, if you’re not eating right, if you’re not getting enough water, if you’re not taking your vitamins. Those are some basic things. If you’re not moving your body a little bit, getting sunshine and fresh air, Yes. , Yes. Putting your feet in the grass. As long as it’s not pumpy grass, but, putting your feet in the grass and feeling and grounding yourself in nature is so important.

[00:08:48] For sure. You mentioned that you started your yoga studio. Are you still in business with yoga?

[00:08:54] Krystal: I am a yoga instructor still. Oh, . But at this point it’s probably considered more of a hobby . Okay. Because those babies come first, right? Sure. So I am, I’m an author. I’m a yoga instructor and I’m a women’s empowerment coach.

[00:09:07] My passion really is to encourage other women to honor and heal their past trauma. Cuz I feel like everybody has their something, their story, their that just it, that they’ve gotta get out that negativity, that, that trauma. . I like to help with the yoga and stuff to encourage women to practice self love in the present moment.

[00:09:31] And then to find excitement and confidence in moving forward into the future so that they’re not, like you said, stuck in that in that trauma, in that negative space. So I right now do a few different things, . First of all, I just co-authored my first book. Yes. . And like I know somebody else who who wrote that book yeah.

[00:09:49] I’m, I happen to be one of those people too. So and that’s kinda how we met. So this is amazing. Yeah, so that is called shattering the stigma of single motherhood, and I’m really excited and proud to be part of this project. It’s been awesome. So I’m wor also working on my next book and starting to dip my toes into public speaking.

[00:10:12] . And that’s like where my passion is, right? To connect with and empower other women. I’m also a sexual health educator. With Pure Romance. I think that’s super important. And I have a little group where, we can talk about all things that we. Weren’t able to or didn’t learn how to talk about when we were growing up, or maybe that we faced issues with in our relationships now.

[00:10:36] And I absolutely love all of that work. But as I’m growing that, I’m in the meantime using the experience that I gained through the yoga studio, being a one woman business. , to help other small business owners with things like digital marketing and web design, social media, and stuff like that.

[00:10:56] Samantha: Fantastic. You’re like me, you have all these, businesses and everything,

[00:11:00] Krystal: and you shared that post the other day. That’s what I said. I was like, I resonate so much. Cuz I feel like I like this and I like this and I like this. And it’s it really does all realign, it does. And it fits together.

[00:11:11] And I keep, even when I try to focus on one thing, I’m like, But it’s like we were talking about with the, human spirit. . Not just one thing. We’re multifaceted.

[00:11:20] Samantha: Multifaceted. Absolutely. And I love that your name is Crystal, cuz that just, brings that concept to life. That we are multifaceted and Yes.

[00:11:27] And we have so many parts of ourselves. And so the business that businesses that you’re in the thing that’s running through at the core is just empowering women to heal and become the best version of themselves. And I totally resonate with.

[00:11:41] Krystal: Yes. Reason being, it’s going to trickle down. Right? So this is an effect. And for me, like I saw it when I was a kid. I was like, Ooh, life at home is not good. And I do not want that when I grow up. So I was like, This is what I’m doing. I was always the one. I worked two, three, however many jobs I had to do on top of going to school. It took me five years to get my associates, I don’t care, one class at a time.

[00:12:08] Working full-time with part-time on top of it. Like you do what you gotta do to get through to make your life a better life. , then you become a mama .

[00:12:17] Samantha: Yes. And how do you balance the business and the babies? That’s yeah,

[00:12:22] Krystal: that’s something else I’m kinda. Seats you right. It puts you in your seat.

[00:12:26] But I have learned to I find my balance yoga, right? . , we talked about that. You need that self care. Yes. But setting up systems and. Automating things as much as possible. So that I don’t have to think about it. And I can focus on the other things because time is finite.

[00:12:44] You’ve only got so much of it. . And so I like to be really. Diligent with it. Okay. Yeah. So I also have learned to ask for and accept help, which is really hard, right? Oh, yes. But since losing my husband, it has, I don’t have a choice. It’s that, or me, 24 7. , and I’m a human, not a robot.

[00:13:08] Yes. We’ve gotta accept help, ask help. I like to find and use small pockets of time. So I’ve got five kids and a lot of things going on all the time, which is probably that’s just how my brain works, right? . So it’s finding the small pockets because if I sit to have eight hours to sit down and work, if I wait for that, it’s.

[00:13:27] Probably never going to come and I’m never gonna get anything done. Gotcha. And it took me a long time to get into the mindset of Don is better than perfect. . , perfection, progress over perfection. And that’s where I’m at. And the very. Kind of tip that I have for balancing both work and motherhood is enjoying the moments with the kids and understanding that it’s not about the quantity of time that you’re spending together, it’s about the quality.

[00:13:57] Samantha: And do you like how old is your oldest child right now?

[00:13:59] Krystal: 11. He’ll be 12 next. Do.

[00:14:02] Samantha: So what role do they play in helping to balance out like the household responsibilities and chores and stuff like that?

[00:14:10] Krystal: They’ve learned they don’t have a choice.

[00:14:13] Samantha: love it. I love it.

[00:14:14] Krystal: Everybody helps. Everybody pitches in, Everybody has their, they know what to do. There’s a handful of things that all of them can do and they do it and they don’t do it. Perfect. , but it’s. And that’s better than perfect and I didn’t have to do it. I was able to give the baby a bath or, focus on something else.

[00:14:34] And it helps. Yes. You gotta let that, you gotta let those res go a little bit and be like, Okay, come on. Kids can help too. They can. Even my two year old, my two year old, my four year old, they love helping with the laundry. They love picking up their toys. Yeah. We make it, we have to make it again.

[00:14:49] They love decorating and organizing and making things look pretty and , it’s, But that’s that.

[00:14:53] Samantha: But that’s, Yes, but that’s so good because you empowering them to, start to accept responsibilities for certain things around the house. To see the consequences.

[00:15:04] See the before and after results. So many lessons when we allow our children to take part in the household responsibilities and learning how to. A lesson in self-control. I need to spend this time doing this, and once it’s done, I can go do something else. That’s so important.

[00:15:21] And I’ve noticed also, they’re more mindful of the dishes because, Oh wait, if we just throw that in the sink, it’s gonna get gross. It’s gonna take it for, take us forever to wash it, or, Yes. The clothes are gonna get grow. It’s just, they’re learning things.

[00:15:45] Let’s talk a little bit more about how, like what you wanna leave your children as far as a legacy is concerned. I think this is part of it, but what else would you like to leave legacy that you would like to leave your kids?

[00:15:57] Krystal: So for me, the most important thing is like we talked before, my story has a lot of.

[00:16:02] A lot of just issues. So for me, it’s breaking those generational cycles. Abuse, addiction, trauma yes, but also the mindsets that you develop when you’re a product of those cycles. . So the mindsets of, and not being good enough, not being worthy of of lack. . So having a mindset of abundance is something that I have had to learn because that was not what I learned growing up.

[00:16:29] So breaking all of those is what I would like to pass along so that. It’s just better for everyone, right? Absolutely. It’s better for my kids, for their kids, for the world. .

[00:16:43] Samantha: They’re, what has someone said once that our children should be doing better than we have done.

[00:16:48] And I think this is totally a part of it, especially the mindset and having a healthy mindset and abundance mindset. I love that. It’s, maybe that’s like at the core of the message that I try to share with single moms is, this world is full of 20. More, we don’t have to, be constricted to this little bit of scarcity.

[00:17:12] The thing that we feel like we don’t have,

[00:17:14] Krystal: and I actually remember in college, I took an economics class . And the very first thing that she taught us, the very first class, the very first lesson that she spoke about was that we all understood that the world. Functioned out of scarcity.

[00:17:33] And as long as nobody fought that, we were able to move on with the class and I just, something, it stuck with me, obviously to this day. It stuck with me. I was like, Okay, for the purpose of this class, we’ll go with that. But it just didn’t. Fit, sit right with me. And it wasn’t until, later on in my journey and I started learning more about abundance and I was like, Wait a minute.

[00:17:57] No, there’s not, We don’t all have to scramble for a few. There is more than enough. There’s plenty for all. .

[00:18:05] Samantha: It took me a long time to learn that lesson as well. , was told money doesn’t grow on trees, but now to look at the trees, I was like, there’s so many leaves on the trees, so many trees out here.

[00:18:18] It’s No, but its paper. And not just that, it’s it’s just a testament to how much there literally is in the world. Blades of grass, flowers, everything. Every spring, there’s just an overflow and abundance of everything in nature, and that’s just literally how life is when we choose to look at it that way.

[00:18:37] , instead of looking at it as, Oh, there’s not enough. If every tree thought that. There’ll be pretty some poor looking trees out there, yeah, absolutely. And. The resources are abundant despite what people just tell us, and that I don’t think the planet is gonna run out of anything anytime soon.

[00:18:57] And there’s always just gonna be enough and more, and plenty. Good on you for sharing that message with your children. And for kind of debunking that myth that the economics teacher was trying to, project onto you. That’s pretty bad.

[00:19:09] Krystal: But , but for the economics, it made sense, but I don’t, that’s how the world works.

[00:19:15] Samantha: Supply and demand. I think that’s maybe the biggest thing. But so how can people find out more about your services and what would make them. Say, Hey, I want to connect with Crystal and I want to learn more about yoga or digital marketing, or what have.

[00:19:31] Krystal: Yeah, so I’m online, I’m on social media.

[00:19:33] But probably the best way to stay in touch and keep up with me is through my link tree. So on my link tree, it’s Link Tree slash crystal Casey. There is information about my books, my blogs, classes, workshops, trainings, all of that. There’s a link where women over 18 can join the ladies lounge.

[00:19:50] That’s where we talk about sexual empower. It’s got all of my contact info if you’d like to connect for a project so that the link tree would be the best way to find me.

[00:19:59] Samantha: Perfect. Perfect. And then we’ll have the link and everything in the show notes as well so that you can connect with Crystal through her and access all of her programs and services as well.

[00:20:10] So before we go, I, I wanna reiterate that Crystal and I are part of this book project called Chattering the Stigma of Single Motherhood. And there’s a question that I should have asked earlier, but I’m gonna ask it now. So Crystal, like what stigma have you personally experienced as a single mom in society?

[00:20:29] Krystal: So I’ve experienced a few of them. The first one is obviously when you see me coming through with my crew, and trust me, you will see us and hear us and feel us when we come through. But when you see us, you don’t know my story, right? And all are. Five rambunctious wild. Not always. The nicest kids with uncut tear and usually missing shoes, Definitely always missing socks.

[00:20:59] I’m usually losing my mind on them and people just think I’m. A mean mom . , or that maybe I don’t know how to parent. I’m a pushover. I can’t take care of the kids on my own. And they’re making judgements, comments, given the looks. But they’re not recognizing the trauma and the grief that we’re all holding and we’re all learning to handle while we’re navigating everyday life.

[00:21:25] And they don’t see what happens behind closed doors. Aren’t judging me on the fact that my kids know that they can come to me, that they know they can be a hundred percent honest with me and themselves with me, and that I will not judge them and I’ll always accept them no matter how much they tell me they hate me or, they act up at school.

[00:21:46] Like at the end of the day when they settle and the dust settles. Mom is. And I will be here. And that’s not what people see when we’re out and about. And so I get a lot of that, just judgment on parenting is definitely one of them. The other big one that I deal with is, again, I have five kids.

[00:22:02] . And the big question too, they all have the same dad. Oh, those all yours. Other disturbing things about how children are made. , just because I have a lot of kids doesn’t mean I sleep around. , married for 11 years to the same man. , and okay, it doesn’t matter.

[00:22:17] It doesn’t matter. What matters is all of that stuff that I was talking about. But and then the last one, a child needs a father, and I feel that is, that’s not any. Person or group in particular, that’s just an overall society thing. Sure. And I think that the truth here is that children need family with a healthy relationship.

[00:22:38] , they don’t need a father who’s ne neglecting responsibilities and indulging in addictive behavior, is being unfaithful or fighting and degrading their mother. No, they don’t need that. None of us do.

[00:22:50] Samantha: They’re finding that children of single parent homes, healthy single parent homes are faring better than a lot of children from two family, two parent homes, which is very interesting.

[00:23:02] And I think that more women are making the choice to become single parents whether they’ve been in a relationship or they were adopting or whatever the. Circumstances are and they know they can give them a healthy, happy home, which is what children need to thrive. So what would you tell a single mom who’s dealing with or struggling with these different stigmas as well?

[00:23:24] What would you, what advice would you give her

[00:23:27] Krystal: other people’s opinions of you are none of your business, their opinions don’t pay your bills. They don’t raise your children, so they don’t. You just have to keep doing what’s best for yourself and for your family. Take care of yourself. Take care of your kids to keep going and to remember to cherish those moments along the way.

[00:23:48] And to remember that things are gonna look a lot different in a few months and a lot different in a few years. Absolutely. Just keep going.

[00:23:55] Samantha: Thank you so much for your advice. Thank you so much for being on our podcast and for being a part of this project. To write this book for single moms because there’s so many out there who are really struggling and they need to hear the voices of single moms who are, who have been through it, going through it, and who are on that path appealing so that the stigma won’t matter as much.

[00:24:17] So thank you again, Crystal.

[00:24:19] Krystal: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me,

[00:24:22] Samantha: and thank you all for listening to this episode of Hello Prosperity Power by Rich single mama.com. The book will be available November 22nd on Amazon. You can pre-order now and you can go to Crystal’s link on her link tree. The link will be in the show notes, so be sure to check that out.

[00:24:40] And I’m looking forward to. Learning more about how you have been impacted by this book. We also have a workshop coming up, more workshops, both live and virtual, so you definitely wanna tune in for that, and we’ll have links for that as well. But in the meantime, keep your head up, keep your heart open, and be sure to hug your kids we’ll talk to you again soon.

[00:25:03] Take care.