Tips for Single Moms Raising Boys

Tips for Single Moms Raising Boys

by | Apr 30, 2013

Parenting can be hard at times, but raising a boy as a single mom can be even harder. It is difficult for single mothers to play the role as a father at the same time as being mom and breadwinner.  Single moms often feel guilt, anxiety and are even overwhelmed by the absence of the father and the added parenting responsibilities.

Single moms are great at nurturing and caring for their children. As a single mom raising a boy, you are presented with unique opportunities and can provide him with the foundation he needs to be grounded, connected and accepted. You can do things with him like a father would, such as play ball, but you must have a different mindset while raising boys.

tips for single moms raising boys

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15 Tips for raising boys as a single mom

  1. Treat them as a father would.
  2. Teach him to be strong, to have good manners, and helpful behaviors.
  3. Allow him to express his feelings and let him know that it is okay to do so.
  4. Encourage him to learn how to cook, do laundry, even babysit if he has younger siblings.
  5. Provide outlets for aggression.
  6. Set limits or boundaries where needed to discourage inappropriate  behavior
  7. Have conversations with them, even if it is about something silly.
  8. Support and motivate rather than criticize.
  9. Help them to build self-esteem.
  10. Teach empathy.
  11. Be consistent with discipline. Do not negotiate or bargain.
  12. Teach them to know when they make mistakes. Ensure that they understand what they did wrong and how to amend it.
  13. Model respect and how to treat others.
  14. Help them to develop coping skills to deal with life’s lessons and disappointments, such as being rejected by his first crush
  15. Give him some chores to teach responsibility. Chores also help to develop a strong work ethic and values system.  Make it age appropriate.  Things like taking out the trash, mowing or raking the yard, or even small repairs.

But boys also need a male figure in their life. As a 15 Tips for raising boys as a single mommother you will not be able to counsel him on how it feels to
go through
puberty, to be embarrassed by guys in the locker room, or to miss his first play in a big game. You can love him through those times, but you will never understand his point of view.

Too often, single moms feel pressure to find a man to love so they can provide a male role model for their sons. But you do NOT need to have a man in YOUR life to have a man in your SON’S life. Having responsible male mentors as part of the boy’s life helps compensate for the absence of the father.

Find a respectable and trusted male relative or friend for your son to look up to and to spend “guy time” with. Ask them to be a mentor to your son. You can also have a coach, teacher, and pastor, anybody you feel comfortable with, to be there for him.

Another option is the Big Brother program. Every growing boy needs a father or a man who he can toss ball with, shoot baskets, play chase, someone to look up to in times of boy-moments and to turn to for a man’s perspective.


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Maximize Your Disabled Child’s Government Aid

Maximize Your Disabled Child’s Government Aid

by | Apr 18, 2013

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By Jason Alderman

Parents of special needs children have enough on their plates just tending to the health, educational and emotional needs of their kids – not to mention often having to cope with drastically lowered income because of reduced work hours or having to pay someone else for childcare. So it’s not surprising that many of these parents haven’t had time to hatch a long-term financial plan in case their kids need care after they’re not around.

Fortunately, many government programs and community resources are available to help relieve the financial burden of parenting special needs children. But eligibility criteria are complicated and the application process time-consuming. Plus, if you’re not careful, you or well-meaning relatives could inadvertently disqualify your kids for future benefits by not structuring their inheritances correctly.

Here’s a brief overview of key government assistance programs:

The Social Security Administration provides two types of disability coverage: Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Social Security Disability Income (SSDI). Rules and eligibility requirements differ between the two programs – and benefits differ for children and adults.

In a nutshell, SSI is a needs-based, cash-assistance program for disabled people of any age in low-income families with limited resources. Children qualify for SSI benefits if they meet certain strict criteria outlined in SSA Publication 05-11000 (www.ssa.gov/pubs/11000.html).

SSDI is a separate program funded by payroll deductions (part of FICA). Although children sometimes receive SSDI payments if their parents are disabled, their eligibility is based on their parents’ disability status, not on their own. However, after turning 22, already disabled children may qualify for SSDI on their own if at least one parent qualifies for Social Security benefits.

Eligibility rules and definitions for SSI and SSDI are complex. To see if your child qualifies, call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213, or search the Disability and SSI tabs atwww.ssa.gov. One particularly helpful resource is “Benefits for Children with Disabilities,” SSA Publication No. 05-10026.

Many families inadvertently jeopardize their disabled child’s eligibility for government-provided benefits by opening accounts in the child’s name or designating them as beneficiaries. Unfortunately, federal law dictates that recipients of SSI, Medicaid and many state assistance programs will be disqualified if they have resources worth over $2,000. So, if Uncle Jerry leaves your daughter $10,000 in his will, she could lose her benefits.

One good alternative is to create a special needs trust, whose assets can be used by its trustee to manage the finances and personal effects of a disabled person. Trusts are governed by state laws and should only be drafted by an attorney familiar with this area of law.ClickHandler.ashx

Some parents name the trust as beneficiary of life insurance policies to ensure a source of funding if they die before their child. (Stay current on your premiums.) Other possible funding sources include cash, stocks and other investments, retirement plan death benefits, home sale proceeds and inheritances from other relatives and friends. Just make sure that the trust –not the child – is named beneficiary.

Preparing a special needs trust can be expensive – possibly several thousand dollars, depending on your situation. But weigh that against the prospect of your child losing out on a lifetime of government-provided benefits because of an accidental inheritance – speaking of which, be sure to let any well-meaning relatives or friends know about the trust.

Jason Alderman directs Visa’s financial education programs. To participate in a free, online Financial Literacy and Education Summit on April 17, 2013, go towww.practicalmoneyskills.com/summit2013.

What You Should Know About Your Credit Score that Could Impact Your Financial Future

What You Should Know About Your Credit Score that Could Impact Your Financial Future

by | Apr 17, 2013

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When I wanted to buy a house a few years ago I knew I had to get my credit together.  In the years before that I had debt, collections, and a number of other negative marks on my credit report.  I was embarrassed, but I had to get it cleaned up. The first step was to take a look at my credit report.

I ordered my report from all three credit bureaus and started the process of cleaning things up. Without a good credit report it would be harder to get a good interest rate for financing.

 

Do you know what’s on your credit report? Do you know your credit scores? If you don’t, you’re not alone, but now is a good time to better understand how they work before you go apply for that loan. By waiting to check your report and scores until you want to buy a car or house, you may discover too late your financial history forces you into strict loan terms with high interest rates, or, worse, disqualify you from getting any loan at all. How can you avoid this situation?

Responsible past credit behavior, a healthy credit score and understanding your debt picture all play crucial roles in achieving your overall financial goals. So reviewing your credit report and knowing your VantageScore credit score and how you compare to others is essential. By reviewing your report, you can verify the information in it, and take actions to correct any item that may require it. If you have any negative marks, now is the time to take action to address those issues and increase your credit score.- —

Perhaps the biggest misconception about credit scoring is that all the three major credit bureaus – TransUnion, Equifax and Experian – produce the same score. Although similar, there are many different scoring formulas, so variations can occur.-

The three major credit bureaus partnered to develop VantageScore credit score to make credit scores more consistent and predictable across all three credit bureaus.

VantageScore credit scores fall within a range of 501 to 990 and include a letter grade from A to F – . the higher your score, the better. Even though new methods provide more consistent formulas, there may still be variations across the three credit bureaus because information on individual credit reports may differ from bureau to bureau. Furthermore, each company is provided updated information from creditors on different days of the month, so an increase or decrease for one might happen on the first day of the month while another may not occur until the 15th.

These differentiators are why it’s important to know all three of your scores, which you can easily get with a paid TransUnion membership. If you find the scores you have are lower than you’d like, there are some key things you can do. Most credit scores are derived by looking at these five attributes.- By understanding what makes up these five factors, you can begin to change your behavior to improve your credit scores. –

1. Payment history: A good record of on-time payments will help increase your credit scores. Review your credit reports closely and regularly. Late payments and other negative marks typically remain on your credit reports for up to seven years from the date of first delinquency. If you do find a mistake, take the proper steps to correct it so you can increase your scores.

2. Credit account history: An established credit history makes you a less risky borrower. -Keeping old accounts that you have paid off can also help because keep your debt-to-credit ratio more favorable. Think twice before closing old accounts before a loan application.

3. Outstanding debt: High balances in relation to your credit limits can lower your credit score. Aim for balances less than 35 percent of your total available credit. You can determine your debt-to-credit ratio by reviewing your credit report now.

4. Recent inquiries: When a lender or business checks your credit in response to an application, it causes a hard inquiry on your report and may result in a slight ding to your credit score, so apply for new credit in moderation. Remember, viewing your own report and score is counted as a soft inquiry and doesn’t change the score one way or another.

5. Types of credit: A healthy credit profile has a balanced mix of credit accounts and loans. It shows you have paid bills in the past and know how to manage different types of credit obligations. By reviewing your current credit reports and learning what your three scores are, you’ll set yourself up for financial success in the future. Visit www.transunion.com for more information.                                                                                                                        ClickHandler.ashx

Vacation, Driftwood, and Seaweed

Vacation, Driftwood, and Seaweed

by | Apr 17, 2013

Last week I went on Spring Break vacation with my kids to the Georgia Coast. You may have seen the pictures and posts I’ve put on RichSingleMomma.com. The trip was both educational and relaxing. I splurged on the hotel rooms this time around because there is just nothing like a great night sleep in luxury hotel. Of course I asked for and got a reasonable discount that made it affordable for me.

The beach was great and the lighthouses we saw were amazing.

DriftwoodSeaweedParadise

 

Have you ever been to a beach and it was covered in seaweed and driftwood? It’s hard to enjoy when you are trying to step over and around it, right? Fortunately we didn’t see any seaweed or driftwood along the beach line. In the past I’ve seen to much of it which didn’t make a very pleasant experience.

Seaweed and Driftwood Experiences
That brings me to a point I want to share with you about what I call seaweed and driftwood relationships. In my life (and I’m sure in yours) I want love and quality relationships, but sometimes I get distracted by people and situations that distract me from my true desire. A good looking guy, an interesting opportunity, or a situation that seems okay at the moment takes my attention away from the things I really want.

Waiting for Paradise
I lose sight of the “paradise” or that “pristine beach experience” I really want because I’m distracted by all the driftwood and seaweed around me. So instead of getting the great quality man, the perfect opportunity, or an amazing situation, I miss it because I’m so focused on the driftwood and seaweed. My energy is consumed by the trivial, which costs me the valuable experience I desire and deserve.

Recognizing the Difference and Waiting for the Best
I’m learning to recognize the driftwood and seaweed (D & S) much better. When an ex calls or texts out of the blue thats D & S. When a guy that is clearly wrong for me but terribly good looking flirts with me that is D & S. When I see a new way to make money that distracts me from my current goals, that is D & S. Basically anything that takes me off course or disturbs my peace is D & S. I deserve better. You deserve better. So let the D & S drift on by as you keep you eyes on the prize.

10 Rules of Creating and Maintaining Good Credit

10 Rules of Creating and Maintaining Good Credit

by | Apr 16, 2013

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Some rules are meant to be broken – like the one about not wearing white after Labor Day. Others should remain sacrosanct, such as the rules of good credit. Those are the kind of rules that can make life easier and happier when you follow them – and help ensure your finances stay in good order, too.

Unlike fashion rules, the rules of good credit are really not subject to interpretation or personal opinion. They derive from the formula that credit bureaus and lenders use to calculate your credit score.

So what are the 10 unbreakable rules of good credit? Here they are in descending order, a la David Letterman:

10. Create a budget and stick to it. Your budget should cover everyday expenses and allow for the smart use of credit.

9. Use credit cards wisely. Smart use of revolving credit – not carrying a balance, paying the full balance immediately – is an important component of a healthy credit score. Unwise use, such as running up debt, can lower your score. And in that vein …

8. Always pay more than the minimum balance on your credit cards. Ideally, you would pay off the entire balance right away, but if that’s not possible, pay more than the minimum – as much as you can afford. Paying only the minimum balance means it will take years – and thousands in interest charges – to pay off your debt.

7. When applying for a loan – which includes applying for new credit cards – do so wisely. Comparison shop and make your applications (if you’ll be making more than one) in a short amount of time, so that those credit inquiries will only count against your credit score once. Stretching applications over time, or making too many in a short amount of time, can negatively impact your credit score.

6. Your credit utilization ratio – the amount you owe compared to the amount of credit you have available – is a key factor in determining your credit score. Avoid maxing out your credit – including credit cards or home equity lines of credit. At any given time, try to keep three quarters to two thirds of your total available credit free for use.

5. Don’t immediately close a credit card account just because it’s paid off. Doing so can skew your credit utilization ratio. Before you close an account, be sure you understand what impact – if any – the action will have on your credit score.

4. Practice identity theft protection measures. From shredding sensitive paper documents before trashing them, to keeping your PC’s virus protection software up to date, it’s important to take steps to protect your credit from identity theft and fraud.                                                                                                                        Identity theft

3. If you’re in financial trouble, don’t practice avoidance. If you can’t pay your bills, contact your creditors to work out a payment plan, but know that not making minimum payments may negatively impact your credit score. Being proactive may not solve your financial woes but it can help minimize the negative impact on your credit.

2. Keep an eye on your credit score. Maybe you’re in the habit of reviewing your credit report once a year, or only check it when you’re planning to apply for a loan, but it’s important to stay on top of your credit score all the time. Fortunately, the Internet has made it easy to monitor your credit report and score. Enrolling in membership of a product like freecreditscore.com can help you understand your credit. With enrollment, you get credit score alerts, identity protection alerts and fraud resolution support if you find an error on your credit report.

And, the No. 1 rule of good credit:

1. Pay your bills on time. A consistent, long-term history of timely bill paying goes a long way toward a healthy credit score. In fact, a solid payment history can pull up your score even if there are other negatives on your credit report, such as a high ratio of credit used to credit available. Not paying your bills on time – or at all – is a surefire recipe for bad credit.