As the time comes to move on, one may begin to wonder when or even IF you should tell the father of your child(ren) you’re dating someone new. You’ve moved on, you’ve met someone new, things are going well with them, and now you are beginning to wonder if you should let your ex in on the situation.
Well, let’s talk about it a bit shall we? While no one can tell you exactly what to do as this is your life and you have to make the decisions that you feel are best for you, I can give you a few things to think about. If your immediate answer is “no”, then you’ll want to consider your situation. Some questions to ask might be; Are your kids old enough to know what’s going on? Are they old enough to divulge the information to him instead of you? Do you think your ex may overreact? Do you think your ex finding out you’re dating someone new would cause issues or uncomfortable tension between the two of you?
On the other hand, if you are leaning more towards your “yes” being your answer, here are some tips; If you do decide to move forward with telling your ex, only give information on a “need to know” basis. You can say something like “I wanted to be the one to tell you that I’m dating someone new and he will be spending time with the kids.” If you know your ex is someone more likely than not to get upset over this, make a plan for what you will say and just let that be that.
Do NOT feed into temper tantrums. When all else fails, revert back to this age old rule of thumb, no matter how hard it seems to be, treat your ex the way you want to be treated. You are in no way, shape or form obligated to let them know your every move or even to let them know about every person you go out with, however, if and when things get serious enough to bring the new person around the kids regularly, you can be open enough to simply say “Hey! Someone I care about and who cares about me will be around our kids. I just thought you should know.” Now, with all this being said, be sure that you are ready for any and all questions your ex may have regarding the situations.
Also, remember that just because a question is asked doesn’t mean you have to answer it. Again, use your best judgement. It may be best to keep things very much on the surface, give only the details that are needed as it pertains to how it will affect the kids. You know your relationship (or lack thereof) with your ex, you know most likely what to expect.
So, on the other side, should your final determination be to keep this information to yourself, just be sure that you already have a plan in mind for the handling of a situation, should one arise, where your ex finds out about the new person in your life via an outside source. It’s also important to be sure that your reason for keeping this information private is because it is truly what you believe to be best and is not based on the perceived thoughts or opinions of anyone else. Please let no one shame you or impose their views onto you about what you decide to do with your life. You are just as worthy of love and affection as anyone else.
I know that there are many people who believe they should give their unsolicited opinions on your life, especially your dating and/or sex life once you become a mother, but remember that your life is your own. You may be told that you should wait until your kids are older. You may be told you shouldn’t date at all until your kids are out of your house. You may be told a bunch of bull that you should definitely let go in one ear and out the other. The only thing you “should” do is make whatever decisions for your life you feel best. So, take your time. Tell your ex you’re dating someone new in YOUR time… or not. Do you, boo. You only live once and you want to do that to the absolute fullest.
Shakina is a relationship and sexuality coach as well as a blogger, and motivational speaker. She is a single mom of two and resides in Jackson, Mississippi with her two handsome boys. She’s passionate about helping women recognize their greatness in life, love, and between the sheets.
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