Self-love. Almost makes you feel uncomfortable just reading the phrase, doesn’t it? We know we’re supposed to be kind and compassionate to others. But loving yourself? Isn’t that … well, somehow a little selfish?
It is. And that’s exactly the point. There are times when “selfish” can be very, very good. When you’re in the midst of a healing crisis … trying like the dickens to work your way out of it and back to full, radiant health and wellness … that’s one of the times.
One of my regular blog readers recently sent in a great question: “How can there be so many of us that don’t embrace self love?” What I got out of her question was a request for some suggestions on making self-love more accessible. With that in mind, we’ll explore a few key tips.
Learn the subtle distinction between self-love and self-absorption. In my world, self-love means you care for yourself as you would a beloved other. You create a nurturing and safe environment for yourself, attend to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, and place yourself in the presence of those who support your highest good. From a place of self-love, you are healthy and balanced enough to allow your grace and light flow over onto those around you, spreading the joy.
Contrast that with self-absorption, meaning that in your mind, “it’s really all about you.” Not healthy, not balanced, not nurturing, and certainly no extra grace for the guy next door. Let’s just back away and forget we mentioned it.
Learn how little beings become big ones. You are not the bad one… The developmental psychologist part of me is taking over for a moment. When babies are born, their brain development is not complete. Babies can perceive when something really big and important, sometimes even traumatic, occurs. They cannot place that event in context. Therefore, when something troubling happens (as it inevitably does), a baby assumes that they are the problem. That they are bad, or unlovable, or dangerous, or not worth the trouble. Not true! Feed your spirit on this thought: God made you. It wasn’t a mistake.
Bless your family of origin and move on. If you happened to have been born into a family where nurturing was not at the top of the checklist, understand that your parents undoubtedly raised you as best they could with the resources they had available. It is natural for a young child to interpret their parents’ actions as being “all about them” (see the previous tip), but that generally isn’t so. Your parents’ actions are about your parents. If they were seemingly too critical, too distracted, too strict, or too lenient, understand that any other person born into your family on the same day would have most likely found the same situation. Parenting style often has more to do with the parents’ beliefs and resources and less to do with how an individual child is as a human being.
Make an independent choice about how to experience your cultural environment. Some cultures use criticism and fear as a way of controlling the minds and spirits of their members. Think of the stories you’ve heard about restrictive fear-based cults. While you may not have been raised in such an extreme situation, consider that some of the fear that may have intentionally been cast around you had more to do with controlling you than about the truth of who you are. You are fine. People who use fear in an attempt to control you are most likely insecure. Love yourself enough to move yourself to a place of safety and bring more supportive people into your life.
While a brief article like this one is by necessity just an introduction, the issue of self-love is critical to your health and well-being. You teach other people how to treat you. Until you can treat yourself with generosity and compassion, you’ll be walking a rough road. Professional therapists, counselors, clergy persons, and teachers or coaches are available to support your transition into a healthier state. If you’re struggling to reach a place of self-love, please find someone you trust to support you on your journey.
Elizabeth Eckert coaxes, cajoles, and gently guides the creation of healing intent. She’s the founder of http://www.wordcures.com and author of Word Cures: How to Keep Stupid Excuses From Sabotaging Your Health. Align your whole self for health … starting today! Share “Arielle’s” real-life story: The power of positive healing intention.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
This is a guest post that will give you some ideas for making extra money or start a side hustle. The options are endless but don’t get stuck trying to decide what side gig or business to start. Jump in and try to make $100 as well as decide if you like it. For some that may seem reckless but you have to try a few things out to see if it works before you spend more time and money on an idea that you hate or doesn’t increase your bank account.
By Cindy Morus
Recently a client asked if I had any quick and easy ways to make extra money? She was interested in putting some into savings and paying off some debt, too. There are many ways to make extra cash even when you are working full time. One of the best ways to make more money in your spare time is to do something you love and to find someone who will pay you for it. Here are a few.
Collectors, computer savvy individuals, and the natural salesmen can all make a few bucks by setting up an eBay account and selling all the items they have stored around the house. If it’s boxed up and covered with dust then you aren’t using it. Why not send it to someone who will truly appreciate it, and you can appreciate the cash in its place.
Almost every weekend, somewhere in the United States, some city or town is holding a fair or festival that offers booth spaces for crafters. Get your hobby to work for you by attending some the festivals and selling the items that you have been giving away as gifts. It might help to visit a few first to get a feel for the different crafting trends and the best locations for your booth space.
If you’re an artist, you could do caricatures or paint murals in children’s room or beautify buildings. My daughter does pencil drawings from a photograph and they make lovely gifts
Digging in the dirt is not for everyone, but almost everyone loves having a beautiful yard. If you have a green thumb, then why not offer to share that with others. It might be surprising how many people will take you up on the offer. It will probably be downright shocking how much they are willing to pay for the service. I know I’d love to have some help in this area!
If you don’t want to labor away in other people’s yards, then why not sell the fruits of your labor from your own yard. Pot up some of the multiplications your plants have grown and sell them at the local flea market. Find a local farmers’ market to sell excess fruits, vegetables or flowers.
Take seasonal or temporary work – as long as it doesn’t interfere with your full-time job and you still have some time to yourself. A part-time job can be the perfect way to make that extra income you need for a special goal.
Affiliate yourself with a great product like Send Out Cards which I use to generate more referrals for my work as well as offer it to others who want to use it (and I make a commission).
Get an “alcohol pouring license” or “food handler card” so you can tend bar, work at catering events, festivals and wine tastings. Check with your state liquor control commission or public health department for requirements and training.
Be a coach, umpire or tutor or give music lessons if you have skills in this area. Contact local schools and colleges, athletic leagues and community education programs. Musicians can offer their services for weddings, parties and funerals.
Elance.com, Rent-A-Coder.com and Guru.com let you advertise and bid on projects. I’ve found some really great folks for writing, editing, web design, transcription, programming and more.
If you need some extra income or just want to make some quick or easy cash, then look at what you have, what you like to do for a hobby. Sell off anything that you don’t need or want, use your skills or talents to meet needs that others may have, or take a part-time job to reach the financial plans you have for your future.
Create your own personal, private Debt Payoff Plan with the Pay Debt Quickly kit created by Cindy Morus, the Money Mender at http://www.PayDebtQuickly.com You'll finally know exactly when you'll get rid of all that debt.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
