Admit it. Getting your baby’s daddy to pay child support can be like pulling your eyelashes out one by one. Why can’t he understand that you both made this child so he needs to help support this child? All the excuses are getting old and tired.
The bills need to be paid.
The baby needs shoes? Food. Uniforms. Doctor visits. Clothes. All the things that make survival possible.
So how can you get him to pay up or get off the #struggletrain? Stick with me and I’ll share a few practical ideas you can start using today to make the struggle less stressful. Hopefully, the following tips will also prepare you to go into the battle with a better strategy.
My ultimate goal is to inspire you to seek a different path to financial freedom.
Reality Check: Honestly, unless you are a baller ex-wife, boo, or side chick, was married to a CEO or a business owner; it will be hard to make a living, much less a life off of child support. You will be more successful taking action on the tips I share in the second half of this article.
A 7-Step (Mostly) Conflict-Free Process for Getting Child Support
Step 1 – Decide How Much You Need
What will it take to raise your child and meet all his needs? Check your food, clothing, utilities, and all the things your child uses and needs. When you have a number divide it in half. This is how much you need from your ex to raise your children. Be realistic about his ability to pay. Next access his finances.
Step 2 – Assess His Finances
How much does your Ex make? You may not know the exact amount but you can research his job position and the average pay for that position. Be realistic about how much he gets paid when you are considering your child’s needs and his income. There may be a huge gap.
Step 3 – Communicate Your Demands
The next step is to say what you need to care for your child. There is a difference between demanding money because you think he owes you something and asking for money because raising a child requires money. I suggest you go as far as itemizing the cost of everything your child will need for the year. Write it on a piece of paper and give it to your child’s father. Wait for a response then go to the next step. Negotiation.
Step 4 – Come to an Agreement
In this step, talk about the list and decide, together, what he can realistically do. Sometimes it’s just not as cut and dry or black and white as you think. He honestly may not be able to give you everything but can do something. Ask him if it’s truly the best he can do. Keep at it until you both feel this is something you can live with for at least three months, six months, or a year.
Request a review after agreed time limit has passed to see if he’s in a better position to do more. Men need facts to make decisions. They do not rely entirely on their feelings. If you make it about feelings and drama you will get less than you think you deserve and he will make it harder to get it even at the risk of going to jail, back taxes, or anything to keep you from winning.
Step 5 – File the Paperwork
When you have an agreement put it in writing and you both sign it. This is now your contract to keep or file with the courts if that is part of the agreement. If it is part of a child support order, send it to your attorney or complete the forms yourself. The point is to have a record of the agreement and preferably a witness.
Step 6 – Communicate Regularly
Decide how you will communicate and what you will communicate with your Ex. Keep everything brief and business-like so you stay focused on what matters; your child. Keep your emotions in check and do not allow him to bait you into a conversation about your past relationship, your current relationship with someone else, and all the things you or he did wrong. The less you talk about unresolved personal issues when discussing child support the better off you will be.
Decide if you want to tell him about any special purchases you needed to make because of school needs, medical needs, or other needs outside of the usual food, clothing, and shelter he is contributing to with the child support payments. Make a communication schedule that you can agree on and stay within those guidelines.
Depending on how volatile your relationship is you may decide to only use text messaging, only email, and rarely a phone call. You may use a combination of it all. It is up to you. Whatever you decide to do, be consistent.
Step 7 – Wait for the Check/ Deposit
Now you wait for the child support check to arrive. It may feel stressful because you are not sure if it will come. If it doesn’t communicate with him and ask when you can expect it. If it does come send a quick text saying you got it and say thanks the first few times. The more you appreciate his effort and integrity in sending it the more goodwill you create.
How to Get Off the Child Support Struggle Train in 7 Steps
Now that you have tried the tactics to get child support I’d like you to assess how much you can actually survive off that money. Is it enough to pay the rent, car note, buy food, clothing, school project materials, take a vacation?Can you live off that amount combined with what you make at your job?Are you still struggling to make ends meet?Are you willing to think about the reason you are still struggling?
It’s likely that even after all the tactics and strategy, the child support is still not enough or nonexistent because he barely keeping up with the payments or not making payments at all. You can’t even depend on a steady payment every month. The struggle is truly real. So how do you get off the child support struggle train?
I’m glad you asked!
Getting off the #struggletrain won’t be easy but it is worth it if you want emotional and financial freedom.
Step 1 – Create a budget that does not include child support
Save your sanity and simply plan your spending around the money you bring in. You will introduce financial stability into your life and step away from the emotional struggle of depending on a child support check that may or may not come.
Step 2 – Create an Income Increase Plan
Now that you see your budget you are probably thinking to yourself, “This won’t cover all my expenses and it still feels like I’m struggling!”. I get it which is why your next step is to come up with an Income Increase plan. This means you think about ways you can increase your income.
Can you create a side gig?Can you take an online certification course to get a better paying job?Can you sell toys on Ebay?Create a long and short term income increase plan and start on it immediately.
Step 3 – Deal with Your Child’s Father Differently
Clear the negative energy you feel for your ex. Do it by any means necessary because as long as you feel anger, resentment, depression, fear, or hostility toward him, the more he is in control. You are better than that and can control yourself, your life, and your destiny. Anytime we hold negative emotions about someone we give them control over our lives.
Step 4 – Focus on Creating a Life You Love
Focus on what you want. Nothing else. When you learn how to focus only on what you want you get it. All distractions pull you back into a dysfunctional life and none of your dreams can come true. Focus on the goals you had before your relationship went sour, or before you had kids, or before your divorce.
Create a list of your top three goals and add a date you want to reach that goal. Keep the list in a place where you can see it daily. Your bathroom mirror, your bedroom door, or your phone lock screen are good places to keep your three goals visible.
Next Steps to Getting off the Child Support Struggle Train
Step 5 – Ask for help
Find someone who has been where you are but is happy and successful. Ask them to mentor you and keep you accountable to your goals. This kind of support will do wonders for your life. The biggest challenge with this is trusting someone enough to open up about your struggles. Pray for the right person to come into your life.
Step 6 – Join or create a support group
Find a group of women who are positive and want the same thing you want. It should be a group of women dedicated to problem-solving, not problem re-hashing. Whiners and complainers are not interested in forward progress and rarely get past the navel-gazing phase. Skip those kinds of people. Fine solution-oriented groups.
Step 6 – Trust your intuition
In your heart of hearts, you know the right answers for you. Trust yourself to make good decisions and you will. Do the research, ask people questions who have the answers, pray for wisdom, and know you can always start over if you make the wrong decision.
What’s Your Next Move?
There are two schools of thought on how to get the child support you need. Rely on the child’s father, who may or may not come through or rely on yourself, who will always come through. Some say he owes you but I say an unhealthy dependence on child support puts him in a position to emotionally and financially OWN you. I was put on this planet to empower single moms, through my own experiences and through practical solutions.
I’ve shared what I think are two solutions that may satisfy both schools of thought. You can pursue child support actively using the methods I shared in part one. You can even pursue it passively by simply filing paperwork with the state. But I think the second part of this article is feasible and definitely more satisfying. Of course, it’s up to you to choose the best course of action.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Today is the start of the 12 Days of Christmas and the best time to share my last minute holiday gift ideas with you. I’ve broken it down to Gifts for Her, Gifts for Him, and Gifts for everyone. You can check out my other holiday shopping posts Gift Guide for Busy Moms and Affordable Last Minute Gift Ideas guide. May you have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy New Year!
Here are a few last minute gifts for your mom, daughter, best friend, or co-workers to enjoy. You can buy them online at Amazon.com, on the product website, or in the store. It all depends on the way you like to shop. If you shop online be sure to check on Ebates.com to see if there are any cash back deals for the online store you are shopping at.
iLuminate 22pc Makeup Brush Set
This makeup brush set is for professional makeup artists and at-home beauty fanatics alike. It includes 22 extra soft brushes conveniently stored in a sleek faux-leather rollout pouch. It includes a carry and travel case plus a cleaning tool. Great for practicing all the makeup techniques you learned on YouTube.
If you are anything like me, you use your phone’s camera to check or reapply your makeup. The only problem is there is no light to
really see all the details. The iLuminate travel mirror has a LED light with a regular and magnified mirror so you can get in really close. This will probably be shared between me and my daughter for those quick makeup checks.
Nobody likes acne scars, especially teen girls. Get her this acne scar kit to help clear up her skin so it has a fresh glow. I like to keep things simple and have taught my daughter to do the same. Fortunately, we both have pretty clear skin but occasionally a pimple will leave a scar. This kit contains Pumpkin Enzyme repair cream and vitamin C serum to help the scars fade.
Clip-on jewelry is the first fashionable accessible accessory to women’s bras, tank tops, dresses and tops. It also clips onto swimwear, bikini tops and bikini bottoms, purses, scarves, and boots. You can also wear it in your hair as a delicate new hair accessory.
Created in Los Angeles California. The Jewel Bouquet sells around $25.00 – $30.
Blob Tagua Ring is 100% natural, sustainable, organic, vegan and biodegradable. The rings are designed in Vermont and ethically handmade in Colombia from “dried tagua seeds” (AKA “vegetable ivory —our raw material). Dried Tagua seeds are very similar to ivory in color, texture, and hardness. It would make a unique, original and affordable stocking stuffer.
If you are anything like me it can be challenging to find something that the guy on your list will love. It could be your dad, uncle, son, cousin, boss, or boyfriend. Here are a few last minute gift ideas that don’t include ties, socks, or electronics.
Vybe Socks
My nephews and quite a few men I know are into the colorful socks that are in style now. They add personality and flair to their usually boring suits and dress clothes. Vybe offers socks for men and boys that would make a great gift idea. There are matching socks for father and son as well.
This is one tough bag that is great for carrying small electronics, cords, or toiletries. You will not have to worry about things falling out or getting damaged by water or the weather. It will definitely last for a long time and it even has a lifetime warranty. It’s a great gift for your resident gadget geek.
The CelebriDuck comes in different characters, both real and fictional, and makes a great gift for your kids or adults. They are safe for teething babies and are PVC-free. Makes a great stocking stuffer.
These last minute gifts are good for anyone on your list. Perfect for families, foodies, or folks you barely know. It doesn’t matter as long as they feel the joy of the Holidays through you!
Cupright
CUPRIGHT, which is a table and desktop tip-proof insulated cup holder. It’s a perfect gift for co-workers or anyone that drinks out of a paper cup, bottle, or can work, or at home. Accidental spills happen when you least expect them, and keyboards and other electronics are expensive to repair, not to mention, rugs, dry-cleaning bills, and valuable time cleaning up messes. In addition, CUPRIGHT is insulated and also helps keep your beverage warmer or cooler longer and it eliminates the need for a coaster.
I like caramel every once in a while but when I tasted McCrea’s sea salt caramel I had to stop myself from eating the whole package. It was that good! This candy is perfect for your caramel lover. McCrea’s signature product features Hawaiian black lava sea salt swirled into caramel to provide a salty-sweet mouthful. Additional flavor combinations include Basil Cayenne, Ginger Fusion, Curried Butternut, and Rosemary Truffle Sea Salt. They also offer such classic flavors as vanilla, chocolate, maple, mocha, and coffee.
They use local, real-food ingredients and package our caramel in beautiful compostable containers. Everything is made in America. Our caramel is available for purchase online and in retail outlets throughout North America
I am a positive thinking pitbull but even I have days when the negative thoughts threaten to overpower me. So it’s exciting to find a product that helps re-focus your thoughts from negative to positive ones and it looks good too! Refocus bands allow you be to be more mindful and take control of your thoughts by simply flipping the band every time a negative thought overpowers you. Every flip helps encourage a positive thought that guides your inner voice in the right direction. There are over 10 different designs and affirmations to choose from, Refocus Bands are leading the way as the hottest positive fashion statement that conditions you to live a more mindful life..
Each item sold helps support amazing charities they discover that align with their values and make a difference in the world.
I tried the Bodyworks Ball and have decided it will be a gift to myself! This ball is perfect for my lower back. I’ve had a few issues after my accident in March with pain and discomfort. I tried the Bodyworks ball according to the instructions and got the stiffness to relax. Yes!!! Get this “O List” favorite for yourself or anyone who has problems with stiffness, soreness, or pain in their neck, back, shoulders, or feet.
My son loves to cook and bake so it makes sense for me to think about getting him baking tools this holiday season. I have heard about a few cooking subscription box services but never a baking subscription service until now. Rise Baking is a monthly baking subscription service that ships premium ingredients with original recipes directly to your door. The process is simple. Each month you will choose recipes that suit your taste. Then, your monthly baking box will arrive fully stocked with pre-measured and color-coded ingredients making the baking process simple. Rise takes the intimidation and hassle out of baking with results that will have anyone baking like a pro. All recipes are “from scratch” never mixes. They have a 3-, 6-, or 12-month plan. You can also give a gift box.
Use code “Holiday10” for 10% off a monthly plan or “Gifts10” for 10% off a gift box
Mary Tylor Naturals
For the crafter in your family, Mary Tylor Naturals has great organic products they can use to make soaps, creams, lip balm, or anything they can think of. I make Blyss Body Butter from 100% organic ingredients and am always looking for a great source for my product. You have a variety to choose from including Shea butter, cocoa butter, beeswax, and product containers.
Add a little flavor to your holiday party with Cranberry Spice Moonshine made with Everclear. It’s a festive drink made with cranberries, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg and cloves – it blends all the holiday flavors to form what may become a new tradition.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
I shared with you what happened when I sold my engagement ring after I got divorced. Back then the only way to sell your engagement ring online was to go to Craigslist or some other classified directory. I didn’t get the best price I’m sure because I wasn’t well informed. I didn’t get the ring appraised, in fact, I didn’t really know I could take it to a jeweler to find out all the details about the ring.
Things are different now so you don’t have to practically give away your diamond ring. You have options for selling your ring online and getting the best price instead of the first price someone throws your way.
I got information about Worthy.com recently and feel it is a great way to sell your diamond engagement ring online. The site was created so women who have jewelry laying around can sell it for a great price to the highest bidder. I decided to give a try myself so I went to the website and started the process of selling a wedding band. In the Worthy Review tutorial video below you can see step by step how to sell the rings online. It’s very easy to do so take a look at the video and then dig out your diamond rings and start selling.
Fast Facts:
The estimate is free
The shipping is free
Listing in the auction is done for you
You get to decide the lowest amount you’ll take based on the appraised value
You get paid in 7 days after the sale of your jewelry
Have you sold your engagement ring or wedding band? Do you think you would sell it now that you see how easy it can be?
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
After my divorce, I was left with a few decisions to make. What to do with our shared possessions? Should I stay in the city or move back home? Should I keep my married name or go back to my maiden name? Should I sell my engagement ring?
I decided to let him have everything he brought into the marriage. It was easier that way because I didn’t want any reminders of him. I decided to move back home. I went back to my maiden name (fortunately my kids weren’t his so that was not an issue); and I decided now it was the right time to Sell my ring.
I know that for some people it is hard to let go of that beautiful diamond ring. It has sentimental value. It may even be the biggest asset you own that you didn’t have to split, but what is it really worth? You may be even considering passing it down to your daughter or niece, but then again, they might just want their own. I have three simple reasons for you to let it go already!
3 Reasons to Finally Sell Your Diamond Engagement Ring
1. You will never wear yourdiamond engagement ring again without thinking about the end of your marriage.
The months and years leading up to the end of the relationship is never good. Admit it. So the sentimental value of the ring gets lost in the urge to possibly choke your ex to death because of the misery you feel. Sell the ring.
2. Can you honestly say your daughter or niece would really want to wear your old engagement ring?
They might think it’s cursed because it didn’t work for you so they can’t really think it would work for them. Sell the ring…
Think of the ways you can spend the money… emergency fund, kid’s college fund, vacation, down payment on a house or car. The ring is yours and the money can be put to good use. Sell. The. Ring!!!
My Experience Selling My Engagement Ring
My experience with selling my ring was quick. I didn’t ask, I just took it to a pawn shop I saw many times before and told them to make me an offer. I didn’t even really haggle because I needed the money, so I basically accepted their first offer. Because the ring wasn’t too terribly expensive, I was happy to get something at all.
Now that I’m older (and wiser) and have better intel, I know that I probably could have gotten a lot more. With new services popping up all the time I could have learned more about it and held out for a much higher price. My state of mind at the time was to just get it over with. I wanted no reminders of that time in my life.
Sell Engagement Rings to Highest Bidder?
But what if I had a service that would give me the trending market value, a real grading report and help me sell it to the highest bidder?
What if I could mail the ring into a service that handles these types of sales at no cost to me? What if I could have gotten more money than the pawn shop gave me for the ring?
Back then there was no online service like that, but I just found out about one called Worthy that values based on the market trends and auctions wedding rings to the highest bidder. I’m so jealous that divorced women can do that now. Lucky ladies!
Stress-free Way to Sell Engagement Ring
Worthy works with women every day and offers a stress-free experience for divorced women who want to sell their diamond engagement ring online for the highest possible price.
The process is easy and there is a team of expert professionals who help and assist you every step of the way and answer your questions and explain the differences between Total Carat Weight and Carat Weight.
The ultimate goal is to get the best value and the most money from selling an engagement ring after divorce.
If I had this kind of service 10 years ago selling my engagement ring would have been such a wonderful process. I would have gotten so much more money that would have helped with my move, been put to an emergency fund, or went toward making the first Christmas without my Ex both beautiful and unforgettable.
Even though it wasn’t available for me, you can take full advantage of it. You just follow the steps on the Worthy.com website. You basically send in your ring at no cost after getting a market range of its value. The gem experts assess the value of the stone (they have to remove it from the ring with your permission). After theyevaluateit they ask you what is the lowest price you will accept and then they put it up for auction. They do not get paid until your ring is sold. The fees range from 5% to 20% depending on the sale price of the ring. It’s that easy! Why wasn’t this service available 10 years ago.
Do you have an engagement or wedding ring set locked away? Are you ready to get rid of it but get the most money from the sale? Are you ready to move on with your life? Check out the site, submit your ring, and start your life over again on your terms.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Groupon Goods the Place to Buy Inexpensive Gifts for Women and Teens
We are officially in the Holiday Season! Wow! I can’t believe how time has flown so quickly. Just 11 months ago it was my birthday :-p. This is a semi-stressful time for me because my son starts putting pressure on me to prepare for the holidays. 🙁
It’s his favorite time of year because it means, gifts, family, friends, and food. His top four things. So what’s a wait-until-the-last-minute mom on a budget who hates shopping to do?
My best bet is to get out the laptop and start researching ideas (and prices). On top of waiting to the last minute I am a bit scatterbrained so I’m constantly looking for that website I came across six months ago. Ugh!!! Where is it…
One site I rarely forget about is Groupon Goods. It is my go to place for products, services, and travel discounts. A couple of years ago I did most of my Christmas shopping there and it was featured in Essence magazine.
For my holiday gifts this year I’m going back to Groupon Goods to snag some great prices at a discount.
My daughter wants make-up, jewelry, clothes, and electronics and my son wants cookware, superhero gear, and whatever else I decide to get him :-).
What do you have on your early holiday shopping list? Will you be shopping on online or in the stores?
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Although your networth isn’t a factor in credit scoring, it does influence your ability to purchase necessities, pay bills and keep your accounts current. So how do you get paid what you are worth?
For some professionals, the topic of salary can be more uncomfortable than the interview itself. A Salary.com survey revealed that 18% of job candidates don’t negotiate annual compensation at all, sacrificing the potential for greater earnings and career satisfaction. While there are limits to every job offer, there are a few strategies that could help you in the negotiation process.
1. Improve Your Resume
Learning what skills employers in your industry are looking for is one of the first steps toward earning higher pay. Review open positions online and create a list of common requirements. Research desirable credentials and think about highlighting the skills you have that meet these requirements. You might even consider earning a higher degree or certification to solidify your skills.
2. Avoid Specific Salary Requirements
Do your best to resist the urge to list a specific figure requirement on an application unless pressed. If you must, you might want to write “competitive” or “negotiable” to keep the conversation open. Disclosing your salary history can also lead to fewer bargaining options. In fact, earlier this year, Massachusetts passed state legislation prohibiting employers from considering past salaries in their hiring practices. It’s a good idea to discuss your workplace merits and skills before discussing money.
3. Consider Your Local Market Value
Location is a vital component of earning potential. According to Glassdoor.com, the average salary for a senior-level mechanical engineer in Chicago is $85,601, while the same position in Seattle yields $134,127. Consider cost of living and your own market value during the negotiation process. Your research will help you set realistic expectations.
4. Prepare a Counter-Offer
It’s a good idea to assess your worth and have an amount in mind that you can use for a counter-offer if you don’t like the first offer a company gives you. Make sure you consider base salary, benefits, signing bonuses, vacation time and other perks. It’s a good idea to make the counter-offer higher than what you’d settle for to give you negotiation room. Mutual flexibility is key here.
5. Share Your Ideas
An effective way to demonstrate value is to come prepared with ideas to help productivity. Research the company’s work and create a list of tasks you would like to complete if hired for the role. Early initiative shows enthusiasm and creativity, two qualities worth consideration during salary discussions.
6. Avoid Limiting Your Job Search
Salary negotiation is easier with a little competition. Pursue multiple job openings with the hope of securing more than one offer. It may be helpful to use competing salaries as leverage to land the position you prefer.
Preparing in Every Way
Many employers look at a version of your credit reports as part of the application process. It may not have a direct impact on your salary, but it’s still a good idea to know where your credit stands so you go into every interview as prepared as possible (which will likely only boost your value to your potential employer). You can see where your credit currently stands by taking a look at a free snapshot of your credit report, updated every 14 days, on Credit.com.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
