Note from Samantha: I’m bringing this guest post because I was married to a narcissist. It was the most painful, confusing, and soul-sucking experience I’ve ever had. It feels impossible to get out with your sanity, but it is possible to breakup with a narcissist, recover, and feel a sense of normalcy again.
You’ve tried everything to fix your relationship. You started with marriage courses, tears, anger, and now you’re finally had enough. But getting over a breakup is a difficult thing to do, especially after dating someone with a narcissistic personality.
Many often-associate narcissism with Greek mythology. The myth states that Narcissus was a hunter and the son of the river god Cephissus. He was a handsome young man who many people fell in love with, only to be turned away and treated with contempt.
While out hunting, Narcissus caught sight of his reflection in a pool of water and fell in love with himself. When he realizes he will never be able to be with the reflection in the water, he takes his own life.
Based on this story, it is no surprise that a narcissist is characterized as someone who is self-loving, egotistical, and has an inflated idea of their own importance.
On top of this already difficult personality, narcissists also commonly lie, violate boundaries, become highly aggressive when criticized, use emotional invalidation, gaslighting, and other invalidations to get their way.
Trying to raise your children while being treated like second-banana by your spouse creates emotional baggage and unresolved feelings that can be difficult to get rid of. Here are 6 ways to start.
1. Focus on Self-Love
In the study Empathy in Narcissistic Personality Disorder: From Clinical and Empirical Perspectives, researchers found that “clinical presentations of NPD suggest that empathy is not simply deficient in these individuals, but dysfunctional and subject to a diverse set of motivational and situational factors.”
Simply put, narcissists lack genuine empathy for others unless it serves their own purpose.
Having a partner who lacks empathy, especially while you were trying to raise children together, is extremely frustrating. Your former spouse’s lack of seeing things from your perspective or having sympathy for you can leave you feeling unloved and unremarkable after the relationship is over.
Therefore, it’s important to focus on self-love both inside and out.
Remember your worth. A study published by Berkeley found that cultivating gratitude and developing self-compassion can help you through a difficult breakup.
Start feeding your body good food that’s nutritious. Exercise daily. And start building yourself up with positive self-talk.
2. Disassociate from your Ex
One of the biggest suggestions for getting over a breakup with a narcissist is to cut off all contact you have with them. This means blocking them on social media, deleting them out of your phone, and refusing to stalk them online/check their email/asks friends about them.
Your primary focus right now should be you and your children, not worrying about what your ex is up to.
Do not fight back if they try to engage with you. Keep a record of their bad behavior, in case a custody battle should ever occur, but do not respond to it.
If you still share custody of your children, then it’s important to maintain communication as parents, but only about matters regarding the children. Furthermore, you do not have to see or speak to your ex in person or be friends with them. All you have to do is keep each other updated about your little ones.
3. Have a Support System
It can be embarrassing to tell those close to you that you are no longer with your partner. You may feel guilty or ashamed. But there is no need for these negative emotions when it comes to your separation.
Utilize your support system. Call them to chat, vent, or to let them cheer you up. Make social outings a regular part of your week for both you and your kids. And don’t be afraid to call a friend when you’re feeling down. It will do you good not to shut people out.
4. Take Back Your Power
A narcissist can make you feel incredibly powerless in your own life. They feed off of manipulation and control. Don’t let that narcissist continue to rob you of your power or individuality after you’ve broken up.
Get back in the game. Take the control back in your life by:
Practicing acceptance. What happened to you was awful. You could spend night after night replaying the worst ways you were treated and cringing about your abusive, narcissistic spouse. But don’t. Allow yourself a mourning period and then accept what happened and make it your goal to move forward.
It is also important to be productive after your breakup. Your little ones will make this an easy task for you. However, many women also find it helpful to make to-do lists or take up bullet journaling. Not only is this a great way to schedule out your days and routines, but it can also give you physical proof of the hard work and accomplishments you’re making in your life.
5. Take a Marriage Course
Whether you’re looking to get back into the dating game or are trying to deepen your knowledge of healthy relationships, taking an online marriage course can help.
Online marriage courses can be done from the comfort of your own home – and they aren’t just for married people.
These courses can teach you great communication strategies, learning compassion, relationship building, and navigating financial challenges – all of which can do wonders for both your relationship with your children and any future romances you have.
6. Stop Judging Yourself
How you would react if your best friend had been the victim in a controlling, narcissistic relationship? Would you say such things as: “You were so stupid not to realize what was going on!” or “I can’t believe you let your kids live in that environment”? Hardly! You would be kind, loving, and supportive of your friend.
So, why are you treating yourself any different?
Be understanding and kind to yourself about your past relationship. Don’t berate yourself. Instead, focus on the future and promise yourself never to let something like this happen again.
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Author Bio:Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
We are told we need a budget to manage our money. You go online and find a single mom budget worksheet that gives you a headstart (I hope) for your income.
Even with a budget, you might still be feeling the crunch of more month at the end of your money.
I’ve heard many financial experts say you need to cut back and trim your spending to cure the money crunch. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work. With the cost of living, inflation, and the rising cost of everything in general, the recommended cure hardly works.
I personally believe the cutting back, trimming, scrimping and saving creates a mental block to financial freedom. The solution I found that work for me, and will hopefully work for you, is to increase your income.
The million dollar question is HOW!!
If you are already working a job and are raising the kids, trying to juggle schedules, household tasks and all the things that go along with being a mom, employee, and community member; a second job feels overwhelming. But you are not making enough to cover all the bills and have a cushion. So what do you do?
Go Back to College or Get a Side Hustle?
You have two choices:
Option 1. Go back to school and get training for a higher paying career
Going back to college is a long game because if you are switching careers, going to college for the first time, or are undecided on your major you will spend a few years figuring it all out.
I went that route. I enrolled in college for Organizational Management then switched my major to English. I was also juggling parenting my two young kids, getting them to school and daycare, working, and doing homework.
It took me three years to increase my income going the back to college route. It was noble but it was a lot of time, a lot of money (can you say student loans), and an interesting climb up the career ladder.
Option 2. Get a side hustle
This option has opened up tremendously in the last 10 years. You can make extra money from your phone, without leaving your house, or going into debt.
The side hustle route has its problems and benefits. I personally think the benefits outweigh the problems if you set it up correctly.
Finding the right side gig that fits your lifestyle and financial goals is the first step. You may have to invest a few dollars to get started and/or market your business. Don’t let that discourage you. Let your main job finance your side gig.
A rule of thumb I like to follow is to stick with your side gig until you make $100. Then evaluate if it is the right fit for you before you move on.
Side Hustles Add to Your Budget
Adding to your budget is easier than the stress of taking away what you already don’t have. Deleting is harder when you have established a lifestyle. Sure you could cut the cable and opt for streaming services. You could make your own coffee instead of getting Starbucks. You could even buy off-brand foods at the grocery store. All of those tactics work but they make you feel poor which creates more poverty.
A side hustle or gig will help you add money to your bank account which will make you feel richer. This rich feeling will create a wealth mindset and allow more money into your life. Of course, you want to manage your money so you can give to charity, save for your goals, pay your bills on time, get affordable medical care, legal help, and have money left over for the fun things in life.
7 Side Hustles for Single Moms
Here are seven side gigs you can do that doesn’t take away from your hectic life or overwhelm you:
1. List your extra bedroom on Airbnb
If you have a spare bedroom you can list it on Airbnb and begin making extra money. There are a few steps you should take to prepare the room. Great pictures, description, and competitive rates will add at least $1000 to your budget. Here is a checklist to prepare your home for becoming an Airbnb host.
2. Write or edit articles
If you have a knack for words and love research, you can write articles for the websites and blogs online. Sign up at UpWork, Textbroker, or check out Problogger jobs. You can make good money as a freelance writer especially if you have a specialty. My specialty is personal finance and technical writing. Both of these niches pay well because of the complexity of the topics. If you have a specialty consider getting paid to write in that area. With the right company or enough gigs, you can easily make thousands a month which is not bad for the budget.
3. Rent out your car
If you have a nicer car and don’t’ really use it on the weekends you can rent it out to travelers coming to your city. Sites like Turo and GetAround allows you to list your car and set your rates. Use the Carculator to see how much your car could rent for and see the monthly amount you could add to your budget.
4. Social Media Management
Your social media habit could pay you handsomely. But your talents to work for a small business, realtor, or local celebrity. With all the social media scheduling tools on the market, you could plan and upload images for posts for future dates. If you think this is something you want to explore check out this social media management course to get trained. I’ve heard of social media manager making $1500 monthly. One lucky lady makes $10,000 a month. Just think about how that much money would add nicely to your budget.
5. Create and sell digital products on Etsy
Use your creativity, productivity skills, or organizational skills to develop cheat sheets, checklists, and templates people can download and print. Sell those digital products on Etsy, PayHip, Selz, or Gumroad. Create your products once and sell them over and over again. It is a no-brainer. Sell hundreds or thousands of digital products without even having to set up a website. Your $10 product sold 100 time is $1000 and you didn’t have to break a sweat. Sounds like a stress-less way to stretch your budget!
6. Fiverr Gig
You can use your office skills, design skills, or imagination to create a gig on Fiverr. Head over and take a look at all the gigs people pay for. Create graphics, edit articles, transcribe videos, or turn pdf files into Word documents. The possibilities are endless. Typically each gig is $5 which doesn’t seem like much but when you think in terms of the number of minutes, pages, or other increments, the $5 can add up. You can also offer service tiers and charge more per tier. When you do more gigs you get more money and that’s amazing for your budget build up plan.
7. Teach an online class
Is there something people say you are amazing at? Do you get asked to cook, design, organize, or plan? That is your clue to create a class and get paid to teach. You don’t have to teach to a live audience every week but you record yourself teaching on video. Upload the video to SkillShare or Udemy and get paid when people watch your course. You can also put the course on Thinkific, Teachable, or other learning platform and price it any way you want.
Now you can see how easy it is to start a side gig and make extra money. You can add to your budget without being overwhelmed with going to a second job. What other side gigs can you think of where you can make good money without sacrificing time with your kids or energy for yourself?
Bonus: More Side Hustles for Single Moms
This list will grow so keep checking back to see what’s new!
8. Become a Notary Public and Make Extra Money
In my early career, I worked in the county Probate judges office. The head clerk was a Notary Public who regularly witnessed signatures on important papers. You have probably had to get paperwork notarized so you know what they do on a basic level. Well, guess what? You can become a notary too and start making extra money. You don’t need an office either. You can be a mobile notary who goes to clients at their home or meets them in public. What you charge depends on the type of paperwork and the volume. Get more information from the National Notary Association. You will have to find out how to become a notary from your county courthouse. They usually have the information online. You apply, submit your paperwork, get sworn in, then get your seal. Simple as that.
7 Side Hustles for Single Moms to Stretch Your Budget without Overwhelming Your Life
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
The digital age has given new generations of parents something extra to worry about:
How much screen time is too much?
Physicians, teachers and psychologists generally agree that spending inordinate amounts of time immersed in computers, smartphones or social media can negatively impact a child’s developing mind and body. A screen time study published recently in JAMA Pediatrics found a link between excessive screen time and later development milestones.
Other studies have associated digital overuse with teen depression, and the American Academy of Pediatrics has issued guidelines suggesting daily limits on screen time for different age groups.
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“It’s the responsibility of the parents to get control of this and guide their children, from a young age, on the positives and negatives of screen time,” says Christine Kyriakakos Martin (www.youvegotthisparenting.com), an early education expert and author of You’ve Got This! Keys To Effective Parenting For The Early Years.
“Parents can often think it’s acceptable for a young child to spend a couple hours with an iPad, but the type of education the iPad game is providing isn’t always the type of learning most needed at that stage.”
Martin has suggestions for how parents can manage screen time and decrease a child’s risk for screen-related health or developmental problems:
Distinguish screen time from play time.
Play is a fundamental learning tool for young children, but parents, Martin says, should not think of screens as toys for play time. “When screen time is limited and separated from other types of play, parents show their children the importance of setting boundaries, using their imaginations, and being active.”
Get involved.
Parents who engage with their children about on-screen activities can help them increase their communication skills and teach them how to navigate digital media. “Parents can talk with their children about the videos they watch and games they play like they would discuss characters and plotlines in a book,” Martin says. “When there is parental engagement like this, a child’s vocabulary and literacy skills develop and family communication gets stronger.”
Make mealtimes screen-free.
“Eliminate screens from the meal table, including when you’re out at a restaurant,” Martin says. “While it can be tempting to pack the iPads to have some adult conversation while you’re out to eat, doing this doesn’t teach your children about manners, properly engaging in conversation, or being mindful of other patrons.”
Set a good example.
It will be harder for a child to disengage from screens if his or her parents are consistently looking down at their own phones or tablets. “Remember,” Martin says, “your children learn from your example. If they see you spending a lot of time with your face in front of a screen, they’ll also want to use technology at the same time. Try your best to save your time on social media for your lunch break, during nap time, or after your children have gone to bed.”
“Learning how to use screens, verbally communicate or socially interact will have a positive impact on language skills, relationships and overall health,” Martin says. “Spending time with their parents, learning through play is what young children need and want.”
About Christine Kyriakakos Martin
Christine Kyriakakos Martin (www.youvegotthisparenting.com) is the author of You’ve Got This! Keys To Effective Parenting For The Early Years. An early education expert and consultant, Martin is the founder and owner of Sunshine Preschool in Hopkinton, Mass. She has spoken on child-development topics at national education conventions and colleges.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Choosing the single life this Valentine’s Day? You can still share the love with your friends! Here is a unique Gal-entine’s Day gift guide from MyBankTracker.com, an independent financial comparison site, to put your money to good use. So sit back, relax and watch the friendship (and money) grow!
1. Invest in Your Bestie’s Future
Offer to pay for that class s/he wants to take – it could open doors to more career opportunities. If your best friend wants to open a business, give a small cash investment to help start it or cover the cost of business cards, applying for a business license or creating a website.
2. Redeem Your Credit Card Rewards for a Trip
If you want to give a special gift but don’t have enough cash, redeem your credit card reward points for a gift card or to book travel for a Galentine’s weekend away! Even if you only have enough to book a hotel or one plane ticket, every little bit helps.
3. Help Pay Off a Loan
If your friend struggles with student loans, a car payment or credit card debt – offer to help pay some of the balance to reduce the principal.
4. Offer to Add them as an Authorized User
If your best friend doesn’t have a credit history, add him or her as an authorized user on your credit card so you can help establish your friend’s credit. It’s important to set limits and monitor the balance, but your credit habits will benefit his or her credit score.
5. Offer a Savings Match
Even though some people are diligent about contributing to a 401(k), they struggle to build an adequate emergency fund. Offer a one-time or continuous savings match to help jumpstart your friend’s savings goals. Show off your financial savviness and suggest opening an online high-yield savings account.
6. Give the Gift of Stock
Rather than cash, give the gift of stock by transferring shares or purchasing individual shares from companies like SparkGift or StockPile. In the long run, it comes with a higher return and can help your bestie learn about investing. Plus, for us money nerds, there’s the excitement of watching the stock increase in value.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and this is the story of how I was able to escape domestic violence.
It’s a time to take a good long look at this problem in our world. Despite all we’ve learned about this problem it still persists in thousands of households each year. People who are not in that situation can’t understand why a woman would stay so long and almost lose her life. Why would she subject her children to such a life of violence?
No Escape?
What those same people don’t realize is a woman in this situation probably feels helpless to leave. She may be a stay at home mom who is isolated from family and friends because of her husband’s (or boyfriend’s) threats and manipulations. She probably doesn’t have the financial resources to leave because she is dependent on him for survival.
My Experience
From firsthand experience, I can tell you being in a situation like this sucks the life out of you. Domestic violence is not necessarily a sudden thing. It creeps in your life little by little and women with very blurry boundary lines are easily victimized. It starts out with verbal put-downs and criticisms. Then it escalates into yelling and screaming to shock the senses and terrorize. The next step is shoving or slapping, which escalates into punching and beating. All the while you are being manipulated into giving up your friends and stop hanging around your family.
If a baby comes you are likely to remain at home and interrogated if you leave the house. You are dependent on the provision of your partner. This is one of the most insidious forms of abuse; being a financial hostage. You have very little or no access to money and every penny you get is taken away.
Holding on to My Identity
My situation was not this bad but it could have gotten to this point very easily. Things never progressed to the shoving, slapping or into being beat. I came to my senses before it escalated to that point. I did, however, experience the verbal and psychological abuse. Money could have easily become an issue but I refused to give up my financial identity. Toward the end, my bank account was almost wiped out, but I had another account that I could transfer my money into. I recognized the downward spiral I was in and determined to regain control of my life.
Going through this was very terrifying and heartbreaking. I was angry, scared and confused, but I had to keep my head on straight. My children depended on me to get us through this nightmare. Fortunately, I had resources before I got involved with this person so I could escape much easier than a woman who has been in bondage for years.
Financial Savvy is Key
When a woman begins seeking a way out all the literature she reads and the people she talks to tells her to stash away money. That is the only way for her to escape a situation like domestic violence. Without money, she is stuck indefinitely.
Financial independence is very liberating so it is important to cultivate a financial mindset. It is never too late to learn all you can about earning, saving, and budgeting. Giving up your financial identity is never a good idea in a relationship, but being empowered with financial knowledge is essential. Cultivate your financial savvy and never give up your personal identity for anyone.
I Found My Power
My situation turned out much better than millions of other women. I already had a very strong sense of who I was (I had only temporarily lost my way) and could tap into my strength. I knew how to get out and get help and I was angry enough (versus too scared) to do something about my situation. I was driven by a sense of fairness and protection for my children. I wasn’t dealing with a crazy man, just a coward who I escaped rather easily when I threatened to expose him to our church. Sometimes that’s all it takes, but other times it’s more difficult.
Educate, Empower, Think
Domestic violence will not go away overnight. Young girls must be taught they are worthy of love and respect. They must be taught not to fall for the first guy that says, “I love you”. They must be empowered through education, critical thinking skills, and financial savvy.
Make it your business to empower yourself and every young lady you know. Learn to make good decisions in every area of your life. Develop a strong sense of who you are and never let anyone label you or tell you who you are. Ask a million questions of potential suitors and trust your instincts.
If you are in a domestic violence situation get help ASAP by calling a domestic violence hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to provide services in more than 170 languages. Hotline advocates answer questions, provide safety planning and information as well as directly connect callers to domestic violence resources available in their local calling area. All calls to the hotlineare confidential and anonymous.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
