Single motherhood, especially when it’s unplanned or involuntary, can be deeply traumatic. You didn’t ask for this, and suddenly you’re thrust into a world of overwhelming responsibility.
The pressure to be everything to your kids while dealing with your own heartbreak and stress? It’s intense.
Studies show that single mothers experience significantly higher rates of depression and anxiety compared to partnered moms [1].
This isn’t just feeling blue – we’re talking about a profound impact on mental health that can affect every aspect of your life.
The Self-Sacrifice Trap
Society often pushes this idea that good single moms should sacrifice everything for their kids. Sound familiar? You might find yourself putting your dreams on hold, neglecting your own needs, and running yourself ragged trying to compensate for the absent parent.
But here’s the harsh truth: this self-sacrificing approach often leads to burnout, and it can actually harm both you and your children in the long run. Your health – both physical and mental – can take a serious hit.
The Physical and Mental Toll
Chronic stress from single parenting can manifest in serious health issues.
Mentally, the constant pressure can lead to anxiety, depression, and even PTSD-like symptoms.
You might find yourself stuck in survival mode, making decisions from a place of fear rather than strength.
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Now, I know this all sounds heavy, but here’s the good news: healing is possible, and it starts with recognizing the trauma and taking steps to address it.
Remember, your well-being is crucial not just for you, but for your kids too.
Research shows that a mother’s life satisfaction is more important for a child’s well-being than family structure [3].
Steps Towards Healing and Thriving
1. Acknowledge the trauma:
Recognize how this experience has affected you. It’s okay to admit it’s been tough.
2. Seek professional support:
Therapy or counseling can be game-changers. They provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.
3. Build your support network:
Connect with other single moms, join support groups, lean on friends and family. You don’t have to do this alone.
4. Prioritize self-care:
It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. Make time for activities that recharge you, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day.
5. Set boundaries:
Learn to say no to excessive demands. Protect your energy – you need it for yourself and your kids.
6. Address financial stress:
Create a budget, explore additional income sources, and seek financial education. Financial stability can significantly reduce your stress.
7. Practice mindfulness:
Try meditation or journaling. These can help you process emotions and reduce stress.
8. Celebrate your strengths:
Acknowledge your resilience. You’re doing an incredible job in a challenging situation.
The Power of Your Healing
Here’s something beautiful to remember: as you heal and grow stronger, you’re directly contributing to your children’s well-being.
Studies have found that maternal positivity is associated with better social skills and fewer behavior problems in children, regardless of family structure [4].
Your Journey to Thriving
Your path as a single mom might not be what you planned, but it’s filled with opportunities for incredible growth.
Yes, there’s trauma to heal, and it’s a process. But with each step you take towards your own well-being, you’re creating a brighter future for both you and your children.
You’ve got this, mama. Your strength is shaping the next generation, and that’s something to be incredibly proud of.
Keep going, keep growing, and remember – you’re not just surviving, you’re on a journey to thriving.
References:
[1] Crosier, T., Butterworth, P., & Rodgers, B. (2007). Mental health problems among single and partnered mothers. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 42(1), 6-13.
[2] Cohen, S., Janicki-Deverts, D., & Miller, G. E. (2007). Psychological stress and disease. JAMA, 298(14), 1685-1687.
[3] Powdthavee, N., & Vignoles, A. (2008). Mental health of parents and life satisfaction of children: A within-family analysis of intergenerational transmission of well-being. Social Indicators Research, 88(3), 397-422.
[4] Elgar, F. J., McGrath, P. J., Waschbusch, D. A., Stewart, S. H., & Curtis, L. J. (2004). Mutual influences on maternal depression and child adjustment problems. Clinical Psychology Review, 24(4), 441-459.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
I know times are tough right now. Being a single mom comes with its own set of challenges, and when you throw depression, anxiety, and stress into the mix, it can feel like you’re swimming against an unstoppable tide.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
But I’m here to tell you—you don’t have to stay stuck. You’ve got the power to turn things around, and it starts with focusing on healing, setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and making your happiness a priority.
The Struggle Is Real for Single Moms: Coping with Depression and Resentment
Battling Depression and Resentment Towards an Ex
Depression can be an all-consuming, dark fog that blurs everything in sight.
The resentment towards your ex and the constant emotional battles don’t make it any easier. It’s tough to let go, especially when you feel wronged or abandoned.
I remember a time when I couldn’t look at my ex’s name on my phone without my heart sinking. It consumed so much of my energy that I barely had any left for myself or my kids.
But holding onto these emotions only keeps you tethered to the past, preventing you from stepping into the amazing future that awaits you.
Take it from me—the moment I decided to stop letting my ex control my feelings was the moment I began to reclaim my power.
Overcoming Anxiety and Financial Stress as a Single Mom
Balancing the budget while carrying the emotional load of anxiety can feel like an impossible juggling act.
There’s the stress of bills, the worry of providing for your kids, and the constant emotional drain that leaves you exhausted.
I remember having to choose between paying bills and buying essentials. The ache of financial struggles is real.
Once, my car broke down, and I had to ask for rides to get my children to school and myself to work.
The weight of it all was unbearable. But I realized that staying in this state of stagnation wouldn’t change anything. It’s time to break free.
4 Steps to Transform Your Life: Single Mom’s Healing Journey
1. Healing from Depression: Methods for Single Moms
First and foremost, you need to heal. This is non-negotiable.
Start by allowing yourself to feel the emotions—cry if you need to, scream into a pillow, journal your thoughts. Speak with a therapist if you can.
Healing isn’t about pretending you’re okay; it’s about genuinely working through the pain so it no longer controls you.
I remember writing in a journal every night after putting the kids to bed.
Those pages became my sanctuary—a place where I could release my pain without judgment. It didn’t happen overnight, but I started to notice a shift.
The more I let go, the lighter I felt. Journaling gave me the clarity I needed to move forward with a clear heart and mind.
2. Setting Boundaries to Combat Anxiety and Stress
Next up, boundaries. You need them, and you deserve them.
Establish clear limits with your ex. Let them know that your days of being manipulated or disrespected are over.
These boundaries aren’t just for them—they’re also for you, to safeguard your mental and emotional well-being.
I remember the first time I stood up to my ex. He was used to dropping by unannounced, disrupting my day. But I set a clear boundary: visiting hours needed to be scheduled.
The first few times were hard and met with resistance, but I stood my ground.
Eventually, he respected the boundaries, and I felt a newfound sense of control over my life.
3. Embracing Self-Care to Reduce Single Mom Stress
You might be thinking, “Self-care? With what time?”
But don’t you see, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Set aside moments just for you—whether it’s a calming bath after the kids are asleep, a morning meditation, or a quick walk in the park. You deserve to treat yourself as the queen you are.
There was a period when I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I felt worn out and invisible.
One day, I decided to reclaim my “me time.”
I started small with a weekly ritual of soaking in a bubble bath with soft music and scented candles. It became my sacred time—a moment where I could just be. That self-care ritual renewed my spirit and made me a better mom.
4. Prioritizing Happiness: Finding Joy for Single Moms
Finally, let’s talk happiness. Your happiness isn’t secondary; it’s essential.
Pursue what lights you up.
Set goals that excite you.
Every small step towards your joy accumulates into a life filled with purpose and fulfillment. Happiness isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about finding beauty in the little things.
I used to think happiness was a far-off dream, but then I started to find joy in the small moments—like dancing around the living room with my kids or spending a few minutes enjoying my morning coffee in peace.
I also set goals, like taking a night class to pursue a dream career. Bit by bit, these actions filled my life with a richness I hadn’t felt in years.
A Pathway to Healing for Single Moms
If you’re ready to leave that cycle of depression, anxiety, and stress behind, I have the perfect next step for you—read my book, No More Crumbs.
This book is like having a chat with a wise, loving friend who knows exactly what you’re going through. It offers clear, actionable steps to help you reject, release, and recover from toxic relationships.
It’s advice about helping you heal, set firm boundaries, and reclaim your happiness. It’s time to show the world—and yourself—just how incredible you really are.
Trust me, this book will be your guiding light. It’s time to stop settling for crumbs and start living the full, fabulous life you deserve.
Remember, your journey is just beginning, and you have all the strength within you to forge a beautiful path ahead. Let’s turn the page together and step into a future filled with love, respect, and endless possibilities.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Being a single mom comes with its unique set of challenges, but with the right strategies, it can also be an incredibly fulfilling experience. Let’s dive into some practical and uplifting hacks to make single motherhood a smoother, happier journey.
Whether it’s taking a relaxing bath, reading a book, or just enjoying a cup of tea, these moments of self-care are crucial.
2. Seek Support and Counseling
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Professional counseling can be a game-changer, providing you with the tools to navigate stress and emotional challenges.
Leaning on supportive friends and family members is also invaluable.
3. Rest When Your Child Rests
Rest is crucial, especially for moms with young children. When your little one takes a nap, take that opportunity to rest too.
Even short breaks can make a significant difference in your energy levels throughout the day.
4. Focus on Personal Development
Before rushing into new relationships, focus on personal development.
Work on becoming the best version of yourself. This not only makes you happier but also sets a positive example for your children.
5. Curate Healthy Relationships
Building relationships with other single moms can provide a robust support system.
These connections can offer advice, share experiences, and provide emotional support. Don’t underestimate the power of a strong support network.
6. Find Positivity Through Tough Times
Life is filled with ups and downs. Learn to find positivity even in challenging situations.
This mindset shift can reduce stress and create a more positive environment for you and your children.
7. Write as Therapy
Journaling or writing about your experiences can be therapeutic. It’s a great way to process your emotions and reflect on your journey. Consider writing your story; it might even inspire others.
8. Emphasize Your Child’s Well-Being
Your child’s safety and happiness are paramount. Create a safe, loving environment and foster strong, positive relationships.
Encourage their relationship with their father, even if he is not always present, whenever it is safe and possible.
9. Join Single Mom Groups
There is strength in numbers. Join single mom groups or communities, whether online or in-person.
These groups can provide practical advice, moral support, and a sense of belonging.
10. Embrace the Art of Saying No
It’s okay to say no to additional responsibilities that may overwhelm you. Knowing your limits and respecting them ensures you stay balanced and can allocate your time and energy to things that truly matter.
As a single mom, your journey is unique and filled with both challenges and incredible milestones.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your children. Embrace your role with pride, and know that you are doing an amazing job!
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Hey there, I’m Shevon. As a social worker specializing in mental health, I know a thing or two about navigating rough emotional waters. But beyond my professional background, I’ve lived the single mom journey firsthand. Let me share a bit of my story and the insights I’ve gained along the way to help you on your path.
Becoming a single mom wasn’t part of my original plan. I became a mother at a young age, and let’s just say life threw me more curveballs than I could count. My relationship with my daughter’s father wasn’t ideal, and I found myself struggling with codependency.
For a long time, I was wrapped up in the hope that things would get better, often at the expense of my own happiness. To top it off, I battled postpartum depression, which added another layer of complexity to an already challenging situation.
I reached a tipping point where I realized that I couldn’t continue neglecting my own needs. It hit me that prioritizing my well-being wasn’t selfish—it was necessary for both me and my daughter. That’s when I started reclaiming my life, one small step at a time. Here are some tips and insights I’ve gathered through my personal experiences and professional work that can help you manage life as a single mom dealing with a deadbeat dad.
1. Own Your Story
My journey had a lot of bumps, and I faced a slew of challenges, including postpartum depression and a codependent relationship. But embracing and acknowledging my story made me stronger. Your struggles and victories shape who you are. Your journey might be tough, but it’s all part of what makes you, you. Embrace every part of it.
2. Put Self-Care First
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of single-mom self-care. As moms, we pour everything into our kids and often forget about ourselves. But remember, a happy and healthy mom equals happy and healthy kids. Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury; it’s a must. So go ahead, take that quiet moment with a cup of tea or go for a solo walk. It’s more important than you think.
3. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries with a deadbeat dad can be tough, but it’s so necessary. You need to know your limits and not stretch yourself thin trying to make up for what he’s not doing. Boundaries are a form of self-love. They protect your peace and keep your mental health in check. Clear expectations make for a healthier, more balanced home life.
4. Reach Out for Help
It’s totally okay to ask for help. Seeking therapy doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re taking care of yourself. Look into resources like Open Path Collective for affordable therapy or organizations like the Loveland Foundation that offer free therapy sessions for women of color. If your job has Employee Assistance Programs (EAP), take advantage of those free therapy sessions. Therapy should be like a wellness check, not a last resort.
5. Be Real With Your Kids
It can be tempting to always act like you have it all together, but it’s actually healthy to show your kids that it’s okay to have emotions. Our children learn from our authenticity. Show them it’s okay to feel and how to deal with those feelings. This honesty gives them the tools to navigate their own emotional worlds.
6. Let Go of Perfection
There’s a lot of pressure, especially on black women and moms, to always appear strong. This can lead to ignoring our own needs. Perfection is a myth. Be kind to yourself and allow space for imperfection. Accept your limits and focus on what truly matters for you and your kids.
7. Celebrate the Wins
Recognize that every bit of progress, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. Celebrate the small wins, both yours and your children’s. These little victories build resilience. Changing your perspective can significantly reduce your stress and create a positive atmosphere at home.
Healing Is a Journey
I once led my daughter and her friends through a scary tunnel, and it’s a great metaphor for facing challenges. Healing is a journey, not a destination. Embrace every step, even the tough ones. The journey might be tough, but it’s worth it in the end.
For those of you dealing with the challenges of a deadbeat dad, remember to prioritize your mental health and self-care. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential. By being vulnerable, seeking help, and setting realistic expectations, you’re not just taking care of your mental health, but also building a solid foundation for your kids.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. There are plenty of resources and communities that get what you’re going through. Your well-being matters, and you deserve to thrive.
Stay strong, be kind to yourself, and prioritize self-care. Your mental health is the cornerstone of a happy, healthy family. You’ve got this!
Guest Bio:
Shevon Jones is a social worker, speaker, therapist, and, mental health advocate. She has over 10 year’s experience in various areas in mental health including suicide prevention, acute psychiatric hospitals, residential facilities, child welfare and in home settings. Holding a Bachelors degree in Human Services from Kennesaw State University and a Masters degree in Social Worker from Clark Atlanta University.
Shevon is the Founder of the Mental Wellness Collective, which is an online community designed to help women of color prioritize their mental health. Shevon enjoys speaking on ways to improve your mental wellness through improved coping skills, identifying traumas and changing maladaptive patterns.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
Shevon Jones is a social worker, speaker, therapist, and, mental health advocate. She has over 10 year’s experience in various areas in mental health including suicide prevention, acute psychiatric hospitals, residential facilities, child welfare and in home settings. Holding a Bachelors degree in Human Services from Kennesaw State University and a Masters degree in Social Worker from Clark Atlanta University.
