4 Stress Management Strategies for Overwhelmed Single Moms

When I think about all the stuff that I’ve had to deal with as an overwhelmed single mom I’m reminded that it’s better to pick my battles rather than get wiped out in a pointless war. There is too much going on in my life to allow nit-picky things ruin my day, my relationships, and my health. I empower myself by picking my battles carefully in all areas of my life. A few battles that readily come to mind involve the kids, the Ex, the family/friends, and the job. Here are four ways I’ve managed overwhelm might be helpful to you:

Managing Kids When You’re an Overwhelmed Single Mom 

Every day there is something to fight about with the kids. Mine are in elementary and middle school so they pretty much have a mind of their own. There is the potential to battle over clothes, food, bath and bedtime, as well as the choice of friends.

The clothing battle, especially for my 12-year-old daughter is a potential battle zone. She’s at the age where clothes equal popularity and the latest trends put a strain on my cash flow. Looking like Hanna Montana or the latest kid pop star is cool for her but the wacky/tacky fashions, not to mention the body-hugging, parts revealing attire is enough to make me want to scream.

But I’ve learned to set a few guidelines and let her decide what she will wear. I do a quick, informal inspection before we leave the house and make firm suggestions when she wears a questionable top that will give all the little boys whiplash. She complies because she already knows the rules up front so that battle is diffused before it even gets started.

My 8-year-old son is easier to handle. Just give him some jeans and a shirt and he’s good to go. There are times though when I have to remind him to put on matching socks or switch his shoes around because he still has trouble with two left feet at times.

Dealing with the Ex as an Overwhelmed Single Mom

Battles with the Ex have raged on since the beginning of time (well almost). My ex is no different with the exception of nasty arguments and name calling.

When I realized that we would not be raising our children together I made a decision to treat the relationship as a business arrangement. Yes, I know, it’s easier said than done if he’s less than nice and purposely gives you a hard time. Once I realized that using the kids to make his life miserable or demanding what he “owed” me, I simply made a mental list of what I would need from him in order to raise my children. Surprisingly, when it was all said and done the list was very small. All I needed (and it turns out that it really wasn’t a need) was for him to pay child support.

 

I am fortunate that he willingly complied to pay child support without a court order so I’ve received it since the birth of my daughter. I had no problem with him visiting the kids or arranging a holiday visit.

I learned that by removing my emotions I am able to reduce the battles and get on with living, without him that is. If your ex is hard to get along with and is determined to make your life miserable you may consider finding an advocate to deal with him for you. It could be a friend, a parent, or a sibling. It doesn’t have to be a long-term arrangement, just long enough until he understands that you are only concerned with the business of caring for your child.

Getting entangled in arguments and bitter fights with your ex just gives him more power and control over you. Yes, it’s true; allowing people to push your buttons puts them in control of your life and behavior. I don’t mean to lecture, but I’ve learned the hard way and just have to share with you. You have to get to the point where you are not angry at him or hurt that he’s no longer in your life. Until you do you will remain embattled with him and have a miserable life.

In this series, I’ve been talking about picking your battles and empowering your life. Battles with the kids and the ex may feel like a constant drain on your emotions, but you can make the choice to choose what battles you will fight. This time we’ll talk about picking battles with family and friends.

Dealing with Family/Friends as Overwhelmed Single Mom

Some single moms have close ties with the family. As a result, some family members are overprotective, overbearing, or over-involved in your life. I was in this situation and at times it was more stressful than dealing with my ex. When the relationship is over, for some, the family is who you turn to for help getting back on your feet. Mom and/or dad can help with childcare, finances, or a shoulder to cry on. The same can happen with close friends.

The problem occurs when this support system begins or attempts to run your life. They have all the answers about how to raise your children and they seem to be the only ones who know what’s best for you. Soon you find yourself wanting to run away from home or risk a relationship breakdown because of heated words.

In my case, my daughter began undermining my authority by asking my parents for things I told her she couldn’t have. Setting boundaries are the only way to reduce the number of battles you have if you have any. My boundary was moving four hours away. I felt my life spiraling out of control and felt a clean break was the best thing for me and my family. You may find other solutions that work for you.

Dealing With the Job/Career as an Overwhelmed Single Mom

Working is one thing single moms usually can’t get around. We have to work to make ends meet and give our kids the semblance of a normal life. But there are times when all things related to the job make me what to throw in the towel and go on welfare. It’s much safer at home where I can surf the internet all day, cook a great meal for the kids, and take naps. But instead, I get up early to go to work where I am not always appreciated and praised.

There are even times when the boss is a jerk and refuses to admit his mistakes or give me credit for a product or process. I’ve learned that the battle is mostly in my mind because in the world of work, every person is ultimately number one and I don’t matter much more than the completion of the next project. So with the battle being my head, I can make some choices. I can make the choice to not take things personally.

I can realize that at the end of the day I get to go home and be with people who love me. I also understand and jump for joy that my boss is not going to come with me. I get to leave him right where he is and forget about him and the job until the next day. The battle is won in my mind and I am at peace. Of course, I still do a good job, because I realize it’s more about personal satisfaction than anything.

The battles in your life and mine seem to come nonstop, but we are fortunate enough to have choices, smart enough to make good decisions, and savvy enough to make those decisions matter. Because in the grand scheme of things the little battles are just a minor annoyance compared to the joy of motherhood.