How to Spot Red Flags in Relationships

When I was thinking about you today, a few REALLY important ideas came to mind.

Let me ask you two deeply essential questions.

Do you know why you’ve collected so many red flags in relationships (up until now, that is)?

And

Do you know how to spot GREEN FLAGS in relationships so you feel confident about moving forward and going HIGHER in your relationship?

My goal is for you to say YES to both questions, and feel confident that you’re self aware enough to move forward POWERFULLY in the process of having the relationship you want.

If you’re not saying YES right now, I want to help you.

Read on!

Your History

By the time you turned 7, your brain and nervous system was already wired to know what it means to be in a relationship with another person. Your attachment style and associations to love, connection, conflict, and intimacy were pretty much established around that time. How willing you are to be vulnerable TODAY is greatly influenced by your upbringing from YESTERDAY, and whether or not you received healthy nurturing, consistent care, and genuine affection from your caregivers.

Many survivors of childhood trauma (such as divorce, alcoholism, rejection, abandonment, lies, deceit, gaslighting, etc.) find themselves in relationships that perpetuate the cycle of their childhood pain. I sure did. Do you? Survivors subconsciously reinforce a climate of low self-worth that matches their memory of their past…even if those moments were fleeting and few and far between. Often, dramatic, upsetting relationship patterns are normalized because a fragile foundation for love was not fully modeled and maintained.

When that happens, you collect red flags in your relationships. Do any of these sound familiar?

1. The partners you select continue to repeat unhealthy behaviors over and over again like lying or cheating.

2. In your relationships, you doubt your gut and question yourself a lot, even though you get the feeling that something’s not right.

3. The people you date or get into relationships with make empty promises to change their behavior, but…after weeks, months, even years…they don’t change.

4. You hide the truth from your friends and family about how you really feel and what you’re really going through in the relationship.

5. You feel threatened with rejection and abandonment in the relationship, or criticized for being “too much” of something or “not enough” of something.

6. The person you’re dating (or even married to) gaslights you, calls you “crazy”, or ghosts you.

7. You’ve been told (repeatedly) that they’re not “ready for a relationship,” not “looking for a relationship,” or don’t actually believe in commitment. But you stay in the dynamic anyway, hoping something will change.

8. You have a habit of trying to heal men (and sometimes friends) from an addiction, emotional instability, or even a mental illness, but they’re not doing the work.

If you said, “Yup, that’s me,” to some, or all of these red flags, don’t worry. I’ve got you.

Your Future

I’d like to share a bit about how to identify and internalize relationship GREEN FLAGS so you feel calm, clear, and confident in relationships with men.

1.Attentiveness: If your partner demonstrates an awareness of your needs, that’s a relationship green flag. You and your partner should be attentive to one another, so you both feel satisfied. If your partner is attentive to your love language, they demonstrate a commitment to your well-being.

2. Validation: When you’re going through a difficult time, it’s essential to feel safe and secure in your relationship. Your partner should listen to your thoughts and validate your feelings to show they care about you. Listening and affirming your feelings is a green flag.

3. Respect: In a healthy relationship, each partner respects the other person’s friends and family members. While you and your partner should enjoy spending quality time together, it’s also important to respect each other’s personal space and time with best friends. It’s a green flag if your partner encourages you to spend time doing things you love—even if it means spending some time apart.

4. Communication: Building a strong foundation in a relationship starts with communication. It’s natural to have disagreements with your partner, but how you communicate during a verbal dispute can be illuminating. Healthy forms of communication include feeling comfortable sharing your thoughts, actively listening when the other person is speaking, and acknowledging different opinions. Open communication is also essential for determining whether you and your partner’s aspirations and expectations are compatible. Green flags!

5. Affection: Along with sexual compatibility, it’s a good sign if you and your partner show affection in other ways. Holding hands, hugging, or snuggling are ways you and your partner can foster intimacy and demonstrate your love for each other. You deserve all of these green flags, without question and without asking.

6. Feedback: In a healthy relationship, both partners feel comfortable providing and accepting feedback in a kind, respectful way. Having a sense of personal growth is important for sustaining a long-term relationship. If you and your partner share feedback in a reassuring tone, you can foster mutual growth. It’s also a good sign if your partner listens and implements your feedback without becoming defensive. Seeing a pattern here? These are all green flags.

7. Gestures: Making thoughtful gestures a priority is another green flag. While small, kind acts may seem insignificant, they add up over time and create evidence of your partner’s care. Something as simple as cooking a favorite dinner, sending a supportive message, or spending time together demonstrates you and your partner want to make each other happy.If you’re NOT experiencing green flags in your relationships with men (and friends and family!), then you get to rise up.

Rise up to a higher level in love.
Rise up to a bigger space of joy and peace.
Rise up to a better sense of self respect, trust, and confidence in your ability to be in love, stay in love, and represent a love you feel proud of.

My friend Jeanine is creating an opportunity for you to do exactly that. She’s producing an EPIC experience called The Relationship Rising Summit™.

I’m being featured as an expert guest speaker and coach along with 20 other amazing leaders in love and relationship guidance for smart, successful women like you.! We’re all getting together to talk about The KEYS To Calling Higher Love Into Your Life So You Can Unlock The Deep Connection And Total Commitment You Really Want. It’s FREE!

CLICK HERE to sign up and reserve your spot today. Be sure to bring a friend. We’re rising HIGHER!