I had an amazing weekend! I went to visit my parents and see the young people in their church get in front of a large group of people to give a speech. These young men are only twelve years old, but they were courageous enough to stand in front of an audience and share a message of hope and the power the youth have to change the world.
Later I got to hang out with some really great people at a costume party and watch the kids have fun playing games. We had a bonfire (sorry no marshmallows this time), lots of laughs and good food.
I returned home early to attend the Annual Challenge to Change Brunch benefiting Chayil (pronounced Ky-ill). Chayil is an Atlanta Women’s Transformation Program that helps women who have experienced domestic violence and are now moving out of a shelter into the real world on their own.
Chayil bridges the gap through providing 24-hour counseling, financial education, and self-esteem coaching. Women who leave an abusive relationship often do not have a place to turn, no resources, and no one to really understand what they are going through.
The brunch was a celebration of the work Chayil does and recognition for community leaders who support the organization and makes a difference in other ways.
Among the recipients of the Challenge to Change award was Jasmine Guy. Yes, the Jasmine Guy, she played the socialite southern belle Whitney Gilbert and kept us in stitches laughing at her antics and southern drawl on A Different World.
For those of you who have never seen that show, it was a spinoff from The Cosby Show.
Ms. Guy has gone on to many other projects in music, dance, and theater productions.
She is an Atlanta native and advocate for change. She was gracious and spoke on the need for a change of mind.
Without a mindset change, a woman that lives in a world of abuse and violence can never hope to really be set free. How often do we hear about women who go back to their abusers? It’s mostly because they do not believe they can make it on their own or their abuser has wounded their mind so much they believe he (or she) actually loves her.
A mental shift cannot happen in a toxic environment. Programs like Chayil makes a way for women to permanently change not just their location, but their minds as well. This powerful shift gives them hope.
Ms. Guy is so right about a need to change your mindset. Even if we are not in an violently abusive situation, it’s important to recognize when we are mentally bound by other types of abuse. It could be verbal, mental, sexual, or financial abuse. They are no better, and no less harmful than physical abuse.
Another thing to remember is abusive relationships are not just from a significant other. It can be from friends (you know, those frenemies you have), family members (that aunt who is always badgering you or just out right mean), a manager, and even a church leader.
The face of abuse comes in many shapes and sizes so we have to recognize when it’s happening to us.
Three sure signs you are being abused are:
- Put downs meant to demean you
- Name Calling
- Using manipulation, guilt, and shame to get you to do something you don’t want to do
If this is happening to you, it’s up to you to stop it. It may seem scary at first, but it is necessary to stay safe both physically and emotionally. No one has a right to abuse you. We teach our kids safety so it’s time we learned how to keep ourselves safe too. This is called learning boundaries.
Here are a few books I read to break the cycle of abuse in my own life:
Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life
Codependent No More
How can you tell when you are being abused? What are the signs? Why do you let it happen? What can you do to stop it?
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
I like this article! I agree with you on the fact that we need to change our mindset and that mental shift cannot happen in a toxic environment. Living in a healthy, friendly environment is essential for every single human being. Setting boundaries to keep ourselves safe and teaching the same values to our kids is the key. In my opinion, it is very important to cherish our own self to be health and happy.
I’m glad you liked the article. I appreciate your comment. Setting boundaries is key for ourselves and our children. Many women really need to learn this skill. We have a right to be happy and healthy and should draw the line when people try to over step the line.
This is a great article and sounds like a great program.
Thanks for your comment Petula and for visiting my website. Be blessed!
We need more articles/programs like this one.