I am worn out, emotionally that is. Over the last couple of months I have been doing a lot of extra giving, especially to my kids. I love them so much and want them to have the best of me. I want to be emotionally present and assure them of my love and interest in their lives.

It seems the fallout of being a single mom is the need to over express and give abundant reassurance that my kids are okay. They are loved and wanted. With the dad basically out of the picture for months, even years at a time it’s very easy for them to feel unlovable. So to compensate I tend to give more than I probably would if this were a stable two-parent home.

The Ideal Setting for Giving
Giving is not a bad thing, but when the giving depletes all of my emotional energy (I’m an introvert), well let’s just say that my well dries up. I have nothing left to give for a long time or at least until am filled up again. In a “normal” family and in the ideal situation, I would get filled up through the love and adoration of my spouse. He fills me up, I fill my kids up, and they fill up the world who fills up my spouse because he goes out into the world and gets validation because of his role as a man, provider, protector, etc. This is probably an antiquated way of thinking but this is what works for me in my ideal world (no flaming please).

But since there is a gap and I am unmarried, there is no one to “fill” the void. But my job to fill up my children still must go on. I am still responsible for nurturing and loving them. I want to do this because I know it will help in making them healthy and happy children. Healthy and happy children will grow into healthy and happy adults.

Solution for My Reality
So how will I be replenished? How will my emotional cup be filled up again? I’ve been thinking about this for a while and have come up with some viable options. I’ve settled it in my mind that in some cases I will have to pay for nurture. It seems unthinkable, and frankly very sad, but it happens everyday so I can get over it. This indulgence is for the greater good. My children depend on my being healthy and happy because an empty mommy is not good for them.

Operation Nurture Mommy
Operation Nurture Mommy is what I’m calling it. It will include 2-4 massages a month, 3-5 exercise sessions a week, 2 manicures a month, 1 pedicure a week, monthly hair care, eyebrow arch every three weeks, plenty of fruit and veggies each week, 8 hours of sleep per night, 1 movie theater outing a month, and regular weekly conversations with my best friend. Lots of inspirational and upbeat music everyday, fresh sheets and towels every week, fresh flowers every week, reading a good book before bed, take my vitamins, meditate/pray, read my bible/inspirational thought daily, and laugh until I cry.

My plan is extreme but necessary. There are times when a mommy’s gotta do what a mommy’s gotta do. I am a firm believer that my happiness is up to me. When I neglect myself and fail to be my own friend and lover, the world (especially my children’s world) suffers. I can’t put my best face forward and be a blessing if I am feeling depressed, run down and irritable (and this blog cannot thrive).

The Cost of Self-Care
So what’s all this going to cost me? It will vary because I am going to be on the look out for deals, specials, and coupons. There are many ways to save on self-care. The first thing to do when you are looking for a provider is to check the yellow pages or online for a school.

Finding Bargains
Beauty schools have hair and nail students that are ready to graduate and need people to practice their skills on. Massage schools have the same kind of set up. The cost for these services is usually up to 75% off the same services in a professional establishment. I get my eyebrows arched using the threading method. I like it better than waxing, tweezing, or razor methods. The results last longer and it just nicer. The price ranges between $5 and $10 for less pain.

I want to join my local YMCA because they have everything a mom could want including free childcare when I’m working out, free classes, personal trainer, indoor pool, summer camp, etc. The initial fee is prohibitive, meaning I can’t see paying that big chunk of money with my budget. Fortunately the YMCA has a sliding scale program so I can get the initial fee waived and pay a reduced monthly fee. My total cost for membership per month will range from $50-$75 per month.

My entertainment will be low cost if I go to a Sunday afternoon movie matinee. I might be able to get discount tickets to regular shows after I join the YMCA or through my employer. I am learning that memberships to one place may afford numerous discounts at other places so the fee more than pays for itself. On other occasions when I want to watch a movie on DVD I can go to the Redbox and either pay $1 or use the free code I get on Mondays. (By the way, today’s Redbox code is 89ZQJ3).

The Best Things in Life are Free
The remaining things on my list are basically free and just a matter of setting a schedule to implement them. Yep a schedule because with everything going on in my life I have to schedule “Me” time. So the free or low cost items include:

Fresh flowers every week – Walmart $3-5 a bunch
Fresh sheets and towels weekly – Favorite dryer sheets @ discount store $1.50-$30 for 50 sheets
Conversations with my best friend – Free with MyFaves ®
Inspirational/upbeat music – Free (already on my iPod)
Read good book before bed – Free from the public library or personal library
8 hours of sleep – Free
Vitamins – $.05 each
Meditate/pray – Free
Read bible/inspirational book – Free (Biblegateway.com and Ourdailybread.com)
Laugh until I cry – Free

So Operation Nurture Mommy will cost me a few dollars but the investment will yield an enormous return. I will be filled up and free to give my children what they can only get from me. I will feel good and ready to share more of myself with you as well.

Are You Ready for Operation Nurture Mommy?
You may be feeling rundown and out of sorts right now. Your cup might be empty and you’ve been looking for a way to get filled. Too often we turn to over eating, excessive TV, allow unhealthy people into our lives, or other unhealthy behaviors. Maybe it’s time you engaged in Operation Nurture Mommy. You don’t have to do what I plan to do but you can come up with your own plan and schedule the time to implement it.

Would you like to know how Operation Nurture Mommy is going for me? I’ll create a page with my events and list the cost and frequency. I’ll update the list every week so you can see my progress. This will help me stay motivated as well. I will also put up the list for you to download and use for yourself. If you are strapped for cash to do certain things just focus on the free stuff. You deserve this. You can sign up to be a part of Operation Nurture Mommy for free here.

Samantha Gregory

Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.

Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.

She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.