It’s over. The divorce process is complete; the papers have been signed. 

The relationship you once had much expectation of, has been officially dissolved.

So, what next?

Every relationship has a story. Whether married for a year or decades, have children or not. Maybe the divorce was your idea or your partner’s, agreed amicably or blindsided leaving you heartbroken, the fact remains that the change taking place is inevitable. 

But regardless of how you got there, divorce can bring incredible pain, devastation, and emptiness. You have lost a significant part of yourself.

But now, the central question is, how do you reinvent yourself? 

How do you rebuild your life and start heading towards a happier place? By reinventing yourself. 

Here are our tips to start small and build-up a new full life. 

1.       Mourn your marriage 

To thrive and move on, you need to first grieve your terminated marriage. 

Whether the divorce was through a joint decision or a surprise, it’s vital to acknowledge your feelings and grieve. It’s perfectly normal to feel devastated. 

Allow yourself to binge-watch the romantic comedies, cry, scream, laugh, and look at your old photo albums if needed, but grieve the loss. Vent to your friends and journal down your feelings. Regardless of the way you do it, don’t feel ashamed of releasing your emotions. Everyone grieves differently, do it your style. 

Don’t skip the mourning phase but don’t allow yourself to remain there forever.. 

2.       Let go of your bitterness and embrace forgiveness

Divorce can cause bitterness and every person carries the baggage of their previous marriage to their new life. This includes the wounds caused by actions and words exchanged throughout the marriage and divorce process. 

It is easy to hold onto resentment and anger. However, embracing forgiveness and letting go of your bitterness and other negative thoughts will lead to; 

• Improved mental health
• Healthier relationships 
• Improved heart health
• Improved self-esteem
• Less stress and hostility and;
• Better co-parenting with your ex.

Besides, forgiveness helps a person understand their feelings, ushering in the healing process, and embracing the new life. 

To start working on forgiveness, start by figuring out your feelings by joining support groups, seeking support from family and friends, focusing on healthy activities like exercising, going for therapy, and starting a meditation or spiritual practice. 

Additionally, for any post-divorce legal issues like modifying child custody, child support and alimony payments, let the legal experts, like the New Jersey divorce attorneys, handle them. This prevents any confrontation that can block or set back your forgiveness journey. 

3.       Readjust your mentality from ‘married’ to ‘single’

When married or in a relationship, you become identified with titles like partner/husband/wife. However, once your relationship ends, letting go of the identity can be difficult unless you readjust your mentality and embrace your ‘single’ title.  

Start small by finding a new routine, different from your previous one, and stick to it. Habits give the mind a needed structure to adjust to your new life. 

Schedule mandatory responsibilities like household and work obligations while leaving room for new ventures, exploration, and experiences.  Learn new roles since you have a new hat to wear now, like handling your yard work, housekeeping, finances, and cooking responsibilities on your own. 

However, take it slow, you can’t master everything in a day. Be patient with yourself.

Lastly, don’t forget to include healthy activities in your new routine that allows you to heal and connect with others. Try mediation, workout regimen, joining a club, or visiting new places. 

Don’t be afraid to let the new routine and experiences to shape you. You might surprise yourself. 

4.       Take care of your inner and outer self

Divorce can create turmoil between your inner and outer self, affecting your physical, mental, and spiritual health.  

For your outer self, you start by;

• Changing your look

Changing your look helps you feel and look different. Maybe a new hairstyle or adopt a new dressing style. Whatever your choice, making subtle changes helps in boosting self-confidence and motivates a fresh start. Embrace regular exercise to improve your overall body condition. 

• Eating healthily 

Eating nutritious food gives you beautiful skin and boosts your self-esteem. To achieve this, eat food rich in vitamins, collagen, and antioxidants or opt for supplements. And don’t forget to drink water to stay  hydrated and detoxify your body. 

• Sleeping well

Enough sleep helps to regenerate and re energize your body cells, giving you a healthy and fresh look, thus boosting your outer self. 

For your inner self start by;

Image by John Hain from Pixabay 

 

• Doing yoga, meditation or other mindfulness practices

A few minutes of yoga or meditation helps clarify and refresh your mind, giving you a positive outlook which is essential to rebuilding your life.

• Keeping a journal

Writing acts as a therapeutic option in keeping your inner being calm and balanced. Calm your mind by writing down your worries, gratitude, and anything occupying your mind. 

• Spiritual practice

Good spiritual health goes a long way when you are reinventing yourself after a separation. Prayers help in mind-soul connection, releasing anxiety and fear while fostering emotional and mental control, calm, and support. 

A healthy and active inner and outer self allows you to leave your comfort zone, learn to trust and listen to yourself as you discover your individualism. 

5.       Dream again

After a divorce, our primary focus is survival. But, we can take a little energy to shift gears and dream again. 

Carve out from your cocoon and ask yourself questions like, what’s my value? What gives me joy? What are my goals? What do I want to achieve in my next phase? 

Journal down everything and freely, do soul searching, and remind yourself that there is hope. 

Start with specifics. It could be anything from your body, career, friendships, finances, health, love life, spirituality, children, community, and anything else important to you.. 

Remember: no goal and dream are too small or big to realize but you got to get started.

Don’t forget to celebrate even the smallest achievement. It’s a motivational therapy. 

Bottom Line

Like your fingerprint, your divorce is unique to you. Therefore, the ways of reinventing yourself should be personal and tailored to fit your new path, interests and dreams. 

Regardless of the divorce tsunami debris left on your path, learn to clear it, and with positive energy and attitude, go on to your happy life ahead.