Self Healing – Overcoming Obstacles to Self Love

by | Nov 14, 2009

By Elizabeth Eckert

Self-love. Almost makes you feel uncomfortable just reading the phrase, doesn’t it? We know we’re supposed to be kind and compassionate to others. But loving yourself? Isn’t that … well, somehow a little selfish?

It is. And that’s exactly the point. There are times when “selfish” can be very, very good. When you’re in the midst of a healing crisis … trying like the dickens to work your way out of it and back to full, radiant health and wellness … that’s one of the times.

One of my regular blog readers recently sent in a great question: “How can there be so many of us that don’t embrace self love?” What I got out of her question was a request for some suggestions on making self-love more accessible. With that in mind, we’ll explore a few key tips.

  • Learn the subtle distinction between self-love and self-absorption. In my world, self-love means you care for yourself as you would a beloved other. You create a nurturing and safe environment for yourself, attend to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, and place yourself in the presence of those who support your highest good. From a place of self-love, you are healthy and balanced enough to allow your grace and light flow over onto those around you, spreading the joy.

Contrast that with self-absorption, meaning that in your mind, “it’s really all about you.” Not healthy, not balanced, not nurturing, and certainly no extra grace for the guy next door. Let’s just back away and forget we mentioned it.

  • Learn how little beings become big ones. You are not the bad one… The developmental psychologist part of me is taking over for a moment. When babies are born, their brain development is not complete. Babies can perceive when something really big and important, sometimes even traumatic, occurs. They cannot place that event in context. Therefore, when something troubling happens (as it inevitably does), a baby assumes that they are the problem. That they are bad, or unlovable, or dangerous, or not worth the trouble. Not true! Feed your spirit on this thought: God made you. It wasn’t a mistake.
  • Bless your family of origin and move on. If you happened to have been born into a family where nurturing was not at the top of the checklist, understand that your parents undoubtedly raised you as best they could with the resources they had available. It is natural for a young child to interpret their parents’ actions as being “all about them” (see the previous tip), but that generally isn’t so. Your parents’ actions are about your parents. If they were seemingly too critical, too distracted, too strict, or too lenient, understand that any other person born into your family on the same day would have most likely found the same situation. Parenting style often has more to do with the parents’ beliefs and resources and less to do with how an individual child is as a human being.
  • Make an independent choice about how to experience your cultural environment. Some cultures use criticism and fear as a way of controlling the minds and spirits of their members. Think of the stories you’ve heard about restrictive fear-based cults. While you may not have been raised in such an extreme situation, consider that some of the fear that may have intentionally been cast around you had more to do with controlling you than about the truth of who you are. You are fine. People who use fear in an attempt to control you are most likely insecure. Love yourself enough to move yourself to a place of safety and bring more supportive people into your life.

    • While a brief article like this one is by necessity just an introduction, the issue of self-love is critical to your health and well-being. You teach other people how to treat you. Until you can treat yourself with generosity and compassion, you’ll be walking a rough road. Professional therapists, counselors, clergy persons, and teachers or coaches are available to support your transition into a healthier state. If you’re struggling to reach a place of self-love, please find someone you trust to support you on your journey.

    Elizabeth Eckert coaxes, cajoles, and gently guides the creation of healing intent. She’s the founder of http://www.wordcures.com and author of Word Cures: How to Keep Stupid Excuses From Sabotaging Your Health. Align your whole self for health … starting today! Share “Arielle’s” real-life story: The power of positive healing intention.

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    Operation Nurture Mommy: Free and Low Cost Ways to Take Care of Myself without Breaking the Bank

    by | Mar 30, 2009

    I am worn out, emotionally that is. Over the last couple of months I have been doing a lot of extra giving, especially to my kids. I love them so much and want them to have the best of me. I want to be emotionally present and assure them of my love and interest in their lives.

    It seems the fallout of being a single mom is the need to over express and give abundant reassurance that my kids are okay. They are loved and wanted. (more…)

    Stress Management for Single Moms

    by | Sep 12, 2008

    Are you stressing? I know as a single mom stress often creeps on me and lingers for longer than I want it to. It gets so bad at times that I just want to crawl under my covers and never come out. When I was younger I handled stress better, meaning it did not take such a physical toll on my body. These days it’s a different story.

    Lately when I get stressed I get insomnia. I either go right off to sleep then wake up at 3am or have trouble falling asleep then waking up at 2am. My mind rolls on endlessly about all the things I have to do or problems that are happening at the time.

    The other physical effects of stress for me are loss of appetite, stomach ache, and if it’s really serious I completely miss my monthly cycle. Some would cheer over that last symptom, but it’s not fun (especially if you’re not active if you know what I mean). A couple years ago my doctor announced that I was pre-menopausal or had prematurely entered menopause. I was having all the symptoms of a woman going through “the change”.

    So I’ve had to find ways to cope that don’t involve drugs. I tend to be pretty health conscious and am always looking for a natural alternative. There are several things I do to relieve the stress but the most effective thing I do is incorporate lavender in my life. Some of you may have seen the baby wash commercials a while back that claim to soothe your baby to sleep. Well let me tell you that it works for adults too. Since I have been using lavender I fall asleep and stay asleep. I feel rested and much better.

    You can read more about it on my Squidoo lens. When you finish reading it please rate it and leave a comment. If you’d like to know more about the other natural alternatives I use let me know so we can get you to a peaceful place.

    Self-indulgence is Good Self-Care for Single Moms

    by | Aug 19, 2008

    Too many time we as single moms forget to do a little self-indulgence. We think it’s too expensive or there isn’t enough time considering all the tasks we have to do. Well let me tell you, it doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming to show yourself a little love. The good thing is you can do it right now. Here is a quick tip that will make you feel like  you are walking on air.

    Quick and Easy Foot Massage

    For this how-to all you will need is lotion and your hands. It’s best done in the morning or evening or both. Take your favorite lotion (I prefer my lavendar fragrance lotion because it relaxes me) and rub it on your clean feet. Now take one foot and rub the bottom in circular motion with your thumbs. You can do a combination of massage strokes to get the blood circulating. It only takes a minute to complete one foot so now you are ready to switch to the other foot. Repeat the same process and in two minutes you are done.

    Your feet should feel relaxed and refreshed by now and notice that it didn’t take an extra amount of time or money to get it done. Please take the time to indulge yourself on a regular basis. Your outlook will be much better because you are loving and valuing  yourself. Look for other self-indugence tips in future posts.

    You Rock!

    Rockin’ Single Mom Sam