Single Mom Stress Management 101: Chocolate and Movies

by | May 10, 2011

I’m one of those ultra independent, over-achieving women who regularly experience overwhelm.

I find ways to compensate, like eating chocolate or vegging out on movies for hours at a time. It’s my dad’s fault I am this way (and partly my mom’s too). They taught me (overtly and covertly) that I have to be self-reliant and take care of things myself so I won’t be disappointed in other people.

Let me tell you, that’s a sucky way to live. Unfortunately, this has been so ingrained in my life, it’s like a part of my DNA.

Being an independent do-it-yourself-er has had it’s advantages. I’ve taken risks in life that others may not feel comfortable in taking. I’ve accomplished things and been successful.

But the overwhelm still comes and I still veg out on movies or overdose on chocolate.

I retreat to my bedroom too and sometimes forget that my kids may want to see me more than just at dinner time.

With so many roles pulling at me and so many things I “have” to do, I just check out and leave it for another day. If it’s not life threatening, then it can wait until tomorrow.

Independence and overachieving is fine for a 20-something single, no kids woman.

But as a 40ish woman with two kids I’m learning it’s healthier (and wiser) to be more interdependent and average (did I really say that?) if I want to see my kids grow up and get married.

It’s a challenge to change, but at this point change in necessary…

Single Mom Voices: Raising My Boys Alone

by | May 2, 2011

Single Mother's Day flowersThis is a guest article by Patricia Martin. It is the first in the Single Mom Voices series in celebration of Mother’s Day. The articles this week are written by single moms who are readers here at RichSingleMomma.com. Enjoy and please leave a comment!

I’ve been technically raising my boys alone for the last, almost nine years. I’ve raised a daughter and an older son too, but this piece is specifically pertaining to my two youngest boys. Having had two sets of children, I can honestly say, in my opinion, that they are truly two worlds apart.

It seems as though my eldest children kind of raised themselves as I was doing the nine to five back then and then some. They both climbed from one grade to the next and soon were independent individuals, now out on their own.

These last two are not as independent nor or they really trying to be. I mean, they’ve gained a few solid friendships in the neighborhood, and seem to have their own little lives, but somehow it seems as though time has stood still and I’m still telling them when to take a bath, asking them did they brush their teeth, and constantly telling them to clean their room when they already know the rules are to come home from school, do your homework, grab a snack, clean your room before you head outside.

Were the other two like this, I can hardly remember? But that wasn’t my topic of discussion when I first started typing this piece. I was going to elaborate on how I found it unbelievable that their father could plant his seed and hang around, although barely, while we were married, but then turn his back on them completely, for years on end, after we were separated. How could you not have a yearning to spend time with your children and help nurture and raise them from a male perspective? From a mother’s point of view I can’t imagine not being there for my children when they need me the most.

And right now, at this age, they need their father more than they ever needed him before. I found a condom in my boys’ room. Oh, I forgot to tell you all that my youngest are 12 and 10. I’ve held conversations with them in the past about their bodies, other people’s bodies, the whole nine. But I know they are missing out on some vital information that only a man can give them. Find an uncle, an older cousin you might be saying. Funny thing is, they don’t have even that.

I don’t know, I’m sure they will be fine, after all, my eldest son was only ten when my kids’ father departed. He’s twenty in a few days and has grown into an independent, self reliant partner to his girlfriend. I guess I did a pretty good job. And based on my track record with my two eldest, a son and a daughter, my two youngest will grow up into two fine men, despite the fact that I raised them alone, without the help of their father.

Would you like to make your voice heard? Submit an article to Single Mom Voices here.

Single Mom Voices: Overcoming the Struggle

by | May 1, 2011

Single Mother's Day flowersThis article was written by Karen Maletich as part of the Single Mom Voices Series in celebration of Mother’s Day 2011. Enjoy and please leave a comment!

Struggling with single-parenthood or finances?  How about another perspective?  Call it trust, surrender, law of attraction, all of these or none.  Can you see a pattern in your life?

One of struggle, unfairness, having just enough, ‘bad luck’ or always something going wrong?  Just perhaps, as long as we hold ourselves in the vibration or belief in these things, we will be destined to repeat them.

If you feel like all your problems are a result of someone else or that you are a victim, that certainly renders you powerless to change the situation.  And just perhaps, what if we choose to try a different perspective, one in which we claim ownership for all that is in our life and take responsibility for it, regardless of how things may appear on the surface?  Therein lies the miracle, for then you are empowered and your life is in your hands.

If you created struggle, you can create ease, if you created poverty, you can create wealth and if you created heartache, you can create love.  As hard as it may seem, can you find some things about your situation to be grateful for?

If your ex was a ‘jerk’, how awesome that you don’t have to live with him anymore!  Are you healthy?  Intelligent?  Kind?  Do you have a beautiful child/children?  Can you start with just one moment of total focus on these things you are grateful for and really feel thankful?  Can you feel the power in that?  It’s real.

Would you like to make your voice heard? Submit an article to Single Mom Voices here.