A few years ago I was dealing with debilitating single mom stress, well just plain stress, to the point that I started having hot flash and night sweats on an hourly basis. It was really bad! I couldn’t think straight because my mind was foggy. I was dealing with depression, doing the model mommy thing, and working through dissolving a toxic relationship. This went on for a year or so when I finally decided to get help. I went to the doctor and they put me on anti-depressants and start me on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) because I was entering menopause. I was only 32 years old! Ugh!
I did the anti-depressants for a couple of months and I refused to go on HRT. The meds I was taking was making me feel like my head was detached from my body. I really couldn’t function and I was afraid I was not going to be alert enough to take care of my kids. I was also scared to drive even though I hadn’t taken medicine for a couple of days. The affects of the medicine was still in my system making me feel drowsy and crazy in my head. I had to do something so I researched a few natural therapies I could use to deal with the stress.
I found out about lavender, meditation, EFT, and Valerian root. I used a combination of these things to finally get stress relief.
I use Valerian Root first. I heard about it when I was younger so I knew it had a calming affect. I could take it everyday without it making me drowsy and disconnected. It was not addictive so I started taking it daily. I felt better within a week. I slept better at night and didn’t feel jittery or nervous.
The next thing I tried was EFT or emotional freedom technique. I was researching ways to deal with the emotional issues I was having and came across this new method of treating them. I learned how to do the technique and got some results. It wasn’t until years later that I really started using it and got unbelievable results. I’ll have to do a different post on just this method alone.
Stress Relief Tip #3
Finally, I started using lavender. I bought sachets to put under my pillow at night and found spray products that had the fragrance in it. I really like it because of the smell and the calming affects. Recently I bought a product off Amazon called Tranquility by Phytopia. It’s a massage oil that has a very nice lavender fragrance. It’s strong but not overwhelming so I can use it at night, which is how they recommend you use it. I slept for eight hours and felt great the next morning.
I don’t know what kind of stress you are dealing with personally. If it’s anything like mine was I recommend that you run to the health food store or Amazon (free 2-day shipping is awesome) and pick up the items I used. You can go to the EFT website and read more about it or search for it on YouTube.
Being on anti-depressants wasn’t the answer for me. I could not function and I did not know what kind of damage it was doing to my body. I just didn’t want to risk addiction. Dealing with the issues was the best thing for me because I wanted to be completely healed from the stress, depression, anxiety, and other emotional issues.
Watch the video, 3 Quick Single Mom Stress Relief Tips, if you don’t want to read it
Get Help and Get Healthy!
If you are dealing with dark thoughts, feel like you can’t get yourself together, or want to harm yourself (or your kids) please get help. Do not suffer alone!
My car repair bills added up to $800. I could have been stressed about money and worried about my car breaking down. But I’ve learned the power of prayer and other habits that help me overcome financial stress. I share my tips in this video with you to encourage you to breath and know it will be okay.
How are you handling financially stressful times? How do you want to be able to handle them?
What to talk about it privately? Schedule a free 30-minute strategy session to pick my brain and figure out how to overcome financial stress. Send an email to samantha @richsinglemomma.com
“The only man who sticks closer than a friend during hard times, is a creditor.”
We might laugh at the quote above, but if you’re laughing while being in debt, you’re probably cringing on the inside at the same time. Debt, in itself, is not a funny part of life. Quite the opposite, small to large quantities of debt often hang like a dark cloud through life, casting shadows of foreboding and hopelessness wherever we go.
Like so many, when we come to a place where there seems to be no financial means to change our situation, we turn a deaf ear to the calls and throw away the collection letters from the mail. Essentially, we ignore the problem as best as we can while we continue to move forth into new stages of our lives.
Unfortunately, though we may apply all of the tricks in the book to successfully distancing ourselves from our debtor’s communications, our minds our often trapped within the heaviness of our new financial limitations.
You might ask, so what then can be done to move beyond debt’s darkness so that we can return to those more carefree sunny days of our past? Read on, and we will show you…
1. Face the storm – Time to let yourself take a good look at that annoying dark cloud, and finally start expecting to see the sun. By mentally addressing to your subconscious that you are about to find a solution to the nagging darkness, half of your struggle will already be won.
Stop doing the runaway two-step and stand instead with a power pose of authority towards your debt. Take your mind into a conqueror’s mentality…the undefeated Susan…the unstoppable Rick. Change that emotion of fear you feel into power instead.
Studies prove that we essentially will end up in the direction for which we aim our mind. Take that truth and run the other way with it. It’s time to stop hiding underneath that cloud and lasso it instead. Take your authority with it, and you can tell it where to go.
2. Unmask the monster – Time to see the collector’s differently. Remember that saying, “to kill stage fright, picture the audience nude?” Well, this begins as the same concept. Realize that your debt collectors are just people doing a job to make their living. In short, let yourself realize that they do in-fact have a soul, and work with that.
The wonderful truth is, we are all human at the end of the day. We all put our pants on the same way, just as we have all made both good and bad decisions. Keep the perspective on your debt collector’s humanity in the forefront of your mind as you approach step three, and get ready to smile.
3. “Kill” them with kindness – This third step will take some focus, some patience and a really great cup of hot cocoa. Well, maybe not the cocoa part, but it’s time to step into your happy zone and look at the debt collectors through rose colored glasses.
Get the conversations into the human friendly zone and treat them like your best friend. The truth is, when it is all said and done, there is nothing more powerful than human connectivity. Common grounds of understanding are powerhouses for negotiation…and blowing away your debt cloud.
4. Talk their ear off – This fourth action will require multiple actions, and will extend over a small amount of time. Once you’ve established your BFF status with your debt collecting peeps, you must maintain your relationship.
Call them OFTEN and keep them informed. If you are working out a settlement process with them, keep them up to date every step of the way. You want to build rapport with them and cause them to feel that you are keeping things honest, open and clear.
Doing this will maintain extra grace for your situation along the way and possibly even delay legal issues they would otherwise take against you.
It’s not always an easy road to facing our darkness and our fears, but it can be an absolutely invigorating ride when we do! Just remember to keep those sweet visions of sunny freedom within your mind as you go along this dynamic journey; and when you get to where you’ve always wanted to be…blissfully debt free, pass the energy on to others you know who are struggling as well. Before long, we will all begin to see, that we are the only ones truly powerful enough to change our own skies.
If you would like more refreshing financial guidance and food for monetary life, check out my book ‘Cu$hion Money…Look What I Found’ on Amazon.
Recently I asked single moms and a few experts how new single moms can handle everyday stress. They shared this advice…
Real Single Moms Speak
I get my mom to watch them after they are asleep and go out for a few hours.–michigamom5150
I get stressed and I let it ride out.–delilahsmom1177
Basically spend his nap time, and bedtime doing things for me. –Delila12
I find something calming for all of us to do together. –happylife123
I take it day by day ..moment by moment.. breath by breath.. –KRIZZ25
I would take my kids to the park and or the pool for some destressing time…–brieri
What’s working momentarily (she is three, after all) is playing music with her.–thesj180herself
Being apart during the day helps us… he is in school or camp and I am at work. –virginiamama71
What helped with my stress is when my son had baseball practice.i got to see other parents and just talk…-baseballmom5416
I learned meditation years ago to handle every day stress and to unwind at night. –Robsessed98
The Experts Speak
Life Transitions Coach and Single Mom
I am a Life Transitions Coach and a single mom of two children aged 11 and 14. While their dependency on me has changed over the years, I have found that the tried and true tip that works at all ages is to prepare the night before to simplify the morning routine. Pack lunches, lay out clothes, pack school bags (sign permission slips, write notes to teachers), and plan the meal for the next evening.
Get the whole family exercising together. Everyone’s stress will be reduced! Try whatever makes your family the happiest. At our house, we have a jar with slips of paper (hiking, biking, rollerblading, etc.) to use for a random choice. Jump roping, running, dancing to the radio … so many free activities!!!!
Syd Hoffman
Author of All-Day Energy: 100 Ways to Boost Your Energy…Now!
480-814-1780
www.SydHoffman.com
It’s NOT selfish to put your own needs before your children’s when there is a healthy balance on both sides. Children need to learn that all of their needs are not going to be met all of the time, and that the needs of others also need to be considered and respected.
DR. JOSEPH CILONA
www.drcilona.com
Heather Hans
Laugh! Remember that comedy is the flip side of tragedy. The two are closer to the same thing than you may think. Not only does every cloud have a silver lining, but it has a hilarious side, as well. Nothing challenges our faith as much as seeming tragedy. Humor helps us see our life from a new perspective (often times a more objective one), and it also allows us to come up with creative solutions to our problems. It raises our consciousness and energy level and can serve to enhance our spiritual connection amidst times of turmoil and life questions.
Heather Hans
www.heatherhans.com
As a psychotherapist, family counselor and single parent, one thing I did was to leverage my time and energy by forming a neighborhood cooperative where we took each other children for a few hours to give us a cost-free break. AND, it was often easier with a friend or two as they entertained each other and freed up more time to think and breath while remaining available.
Mom must put herself 1st. It’s not selfish, it is responsible. She can’t continue to give and give and give is she has no way of re-filling herself – perhaps having a friend or relative watch the kids for 2 hours two or three times a week to take a walk, go to the gym and roam around the book
store. Something she does just for herself. She will feel better about herself, release those endorphins and the result will be more patience with the kids and work. She will just be a better mom, friend, etc.
Teresa Van-Zeller, ACCHt
www.hypnosis2000.com
Dr. Peter Zafirides
Single moms deal with so much pressure. It is hard enough to take care of all the obligations of taking care of the kids and running a household on their own. They feel like they have to do everything AND do everything perfectly. Realize you are human and set proper limits – with kids, extended family and work.
1. Put the guilt away (preferably in a bag and take it to the curb)
Our society likes to manipulate mothers by playing on our doubts and insecurities. With single moms the guilt seems to be intensified a hundred fold. When society isn’t guilting us, our kids may be guilting us and we often guilt ourselves. We need to keep our expectations of ourselves and our children realistic and if we have no means of gauging what realistic means, a good sensible book will be a huge help. I found “Healthy Parenting” by Janet Geringer Woititz a godsend but there are a number of other great books out there. If we can’t afford to go to Chapters, there’s always the local library. I’ve actually found the bulk of my really helpful books at Value Village and the Salvation Army.
2. Have a laugh
My kids are two of the funniest people I have ever met. A simple game of Crazy Eights or my Tina Turner impression can turn into a ROTFL event and we all feel so much better afterwards. Watching a comedy flick or some comedians on You Tube gives me a break from the stress and seriousness of life and gives me an endorphin shower (can never get too many of those)!
3. Pamper yourself
When it’s my “time of the month” it’s candles and bubble bath every night. If I don’t have bubble bath Epsom salt will do. I don’t consider this frivolous, I consider it necessary in order to maintain some sanity. Sometimes I pray and sometimes I let my mind drift but either way I’m not focused on the stress and I’m also doing something exclusively for me. When I constantly put others first and deny my needs I begin to lose perspective on my value and doing something for myself affirms that I am important.
4. Release the tension in a positive manner
Whether it’s exercising, venting to someone or screaming in the shower we need to release the tension we’re feeling or we’ll end up exploding and possibly harming ourselves or someone else. Much of the illness I have experienced has been a result of stress build-up inside of me and I have learned the hard way to release the tension I’m feeling before it escalates. One thing I do when I’m upset is I clean furiously because it’s physical, I have the energy to do it when I’m stressed out, and the end result is tangible and satisfying. If only the end result would last longer…
5. Keep things in their proper perspective
One of my frequent prayers is that God would help me to see things are they really are. Much of my stress is a result of my skewed perspective on situations. We are surrounded by a million messages that tell us we don’t have enough stuff and we need more, more and more. Do I really need 10 pairs of pants? 3 ski jackets? Do I really need a new loveseat when my 20-year-old loveseat is still in good shape and there’s nothing wrong with it? Whenever one of my kids went through a growth spurt, I would panic and think, “Oh no! What am I gonna do now? I have to buy a new wardrobe for him/her and I can’t afford it!” Not so…especially now that I don’t have to go out to a laundromat anymore. I can do laundry every night if I need to and hang the clothes up if I’m concerned about electricity usage. We can wear the same shirt or pants more than one time in a week. I try to stay focused on what we do have as opposed to what we don’t have. It’s helpful to find someone stable and sensible to talk with to help you keep things in their proper perspective.
These are five tried and true methods that have worked for me over the past 19 years and I hope that you try them too!
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
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