25 Days of Christmas: The Happiest Time of the Year? Tips for Surviving Less Than Perfect Holidays

by | Dec 7, 2011

For all the promise of joy, peace and harmony that comes with the holiday season, the reality for millions of people is that the season is anything but a celebration. For many, it’s a reminder of lost loved ones, personal disappointments and dreams left unfulfilled.

But for life coach Teri Johnson, whose personal journey through an imperfect life now inspires others to reach for the lives they’ve always wanted, the negative “nevers” of the disappointing hand life may have dealt you is where the healing starts. By confronting a never-ending and unproductive cycle of negativity, the elusive joy of the holiday season can be found not just now but every day of the year, says Johnson, author of the newly released book, Overcoming the Nevers (www.overcomingthenevers.com).

“You never thought you’d get divorced, but you did. You never dreamed you would find yourself in an abusive relationship, but you are. You never thought you would need to lose 200 pounds, but you do. And you never thought you’d be 45 years old without a job, losing your home and drowning in debt, but you are,” says Johnson.

“We start to believe lies about ourselves, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’m undeserving.”  We escape our pain and these toxic feelings into unhealthy behaviors and addictions.  There is freedom from the struggle; there is hope in discovering the truth; there is a way to fall in love with who we are to experience a joy-filled season, and more importantly a joy-filled life.”

Johnson’s tools for overcoming the “nevers” that drag many down during the holiday season are:

• Acceptance: Do you have the strength to make the changes necessary to turn a situation around through an attitude of acceptance? Or will you remain powerless, remain in the state of non-acceptance and let everything around you dictate how you feel? The journey starts with accepting that you can’t change others, but you do have power over your own life.

• Surrender: What we surrender ourselves to ultimately becomes our god, what we turn to or upon which we rely.  The question then is: What are we surrendered to? Is it something firm, solid and long-lasting or something that hurts us in the end?

• Joyfulness: Hold tight to your unique gifts and talents to enrich your own life and impact the lives of those around you. Build on what you’re good at, what makes you special and what makes you feel good about yourself.

• Discovery: Confronting the truth about who we are deep inside helps us overcome our painful past and discover the basis for those “nevers.”

• Faith: Until we accept love for ourselves from God, from others and towards others, the healing will not begin. Embracing love is an ongoing process that starts with learning to like yourself and with a willingness to accept your imperfections.

Johnson advises that the process of confronting internal struggles and the “nevers” of life isn’t easy, but no treatment program, no diet and no New Year’s resolution can be successful without breaking down the essence of individual struggles and making the necessary adjustments to attain the life you deserve.

“If the life you are living is full of unacceptable and disappointing things and you don’t want to spend another year like this, the only thing holding you back right now is your own confusion, self-doubt and anger,” she says.

“You don’t have to keep doing what you’re doing or feeling what you’re feeling, but you do need to come to terms with yourself and surrender yourself to faith that there is a better way.”

About Teri Johnson

Teri Johnson is a writer, speaker and personal growth expert who is the founder and President of Keeping it Personal. Having struggled with alcohol addiction and destructive habits herself, the Minnesota native turned her own experiences in overcoming obstacles to personal fulfillment into a client-focused service that has transformed the lives of many.  Now a devoted wife and mother of two sons, she now devotes her life to helping others find their path to success and happiness while shedding destructive thoughts and behaviors.

Jasmine Guy Says Change Your Mindset Too Many Women Are Living in a Different World

by | Oct 31, 2011

I had an amazing weekend! I went to visit my parents and see the young people in their church get in front of a large group of people to give a speech. These young men are only twelve years old, but they were courageous enough to stand in front of an audience and share a message of hope and the power the youth have to change the world.

Later I got to hang out with some really great people at a costume party and watch the kids have fun playing games. We had a bonfire (sorry no marshmallows this time), lots of laughs and good food.

I returned home early to attend the Annual Challenge to Change Brunch benefiting Chayil (pronounced Ky-ill). Chayil is an Atlanta Women’s Transformation Program that helps women who have experienced domestic violence and are now moving out of a shelter into the real world on their own.

Chayil bridges the gap through providing 24-hour counseling, financial education, and self-esteem coaching. Women who leave an abusive relationship often do not have a place to turn, no resources, and no one to really understand what they are going through.

The brunch was a celebration of the work Chayil does and recognition for community leaders who support the organization and makes a difference in other ways.

Among the recipients of the Challenge to Change award was Jasmine Guy. Yes, the Jasmine Guy, she played the socialite southern belle Whitney Gilbert and kept us in stitches laughing at her antics and southern drawl on A Different World.

For those of you who have never seen that show, it was a spinoff from The Cosby Show.

Ms. Guy has gone on to many other projects in music, dance, and theater productions.

She is an Atlanta native and advocate for change. She was gracious and spoke on the need for a change of mind.

Without a mindset change, a woman that lives in a world of abuse and violence can never hope to really be set free. How often do we hear about women who go back to their abusers? It’s mostly because they do not believe they can make it on their own or their abuser has wounded their mind so much they believe he (or she) actually loves her.

Jasmine Guy

A mental shift cannot happen in a toxic environment. Programs like Chayil makes a way for women to permanently change not just their location, but their minds as well. This powerful shift gives them hope.

Ms. Guy is so right about a need to change your mindset. Even if we are not in an violently abusive situation, it’s important to recognize when we are mentally bound by other types of abuse. It could be verbal, mental, sexual, or financial abuse. They are no better, and no less harmful than physical abuse.

Another thing to remember is abusive relationships are not just from a significant other. It can be from friends (you know, those frenemies you have), family members (that aunt who is always badgering you or just out right mean), a manager, and even a church leader.

The face of abuse comes in many shapes and sizes so we have to recognize when it’s happening to us.

Three sure signs you are being abused are:

  1. Put downs meant to demean you
  2. Name Calling
  3. Using manipulation, guilt, and shame to get you to do something you don’t want to do

If this is happening to you, it’s up to you to stop it. It may seem scary at first, but it is necessary to stay safe both physically and emotionally. No one has a right to abuse you. We teach our kids safety so it’s time we learned how to keep ourselves safe too. This is called learning boundaries.

Here are a few books I read to break the cycle of abuse in my own life:

Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life
Codependent No More

How can you tell when you are being abused? What are the signs? Why do you let it happen? What can you do to stop it?

The Hand That Really Rules the World

by | Oct 26, 2011

In our current political climate it’s easy to feel uneasy about the way the world is going. As women we sometimes feel powerless as we watch grown men bicker, fight, and sabotage our world because of egos and power struggles.

But we have forgotten just how powerful we really are. We have to find our power and use it for good so our children’s future will be secure. We can do it without running the economy in the ground, without violent protests, and without waging wars that ultimately affects women and children worldwide.

We have to remember (or finally learn) that women truly rule the world. It’s time to take our power back. It’s time to use our gifts to influence the men in our lives (husbands, uncles, brothers, cousins, and friends).

Maybe this poem by William Ross Wallace will put things in perspective for you:

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

Oh, no matter where the place;
Would that never storms assailed it,
Rainbows ever gently curled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Infancy’s the tender fountain,
Power may with beauty flow,
Mother’s first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow–
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our natal sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!
All true trophies of the ages
Are from mother-love impearled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Blessings on the hand of women!
Fathers, sons, and daughters cry,
And the sacred song is mingled
With the worship in the sky–
Mingles where no tempest darkens,
Rainbows evermore are hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.
William Ross Wallace

and for a little modern reminder, courtesy of Summer’s Eve, “Hail to the V”! I love this commercial!

10 Stress Relief Tips for Financially Strapped Single Moms

by | Oct 26, 2011

A while ago I did an informal survey to find out the top stressors for single moms. Money was at the top of the list.

It’s no wonder because, let’s face it, most single moms do not make enough to meet all the bills, clothe, feed, and entertain the household.

In that survey 89% of respondents said they don’t have enough money. They also said the child support they receive is not enough to even purchase milk.

So, if your purse or checking account is a little light these days, you’ll want to take steps to reduce your financial hardship and relieve your stress.

There’s nothing more stressful than feeling like you can’t make ends meet.  Here are some tips to help alleviate your stress.

1.  Be realistic about your problem.  Many people use avoidance to manage their money.  Sometimes it’s scary to see what the real deal about our accounts. Have you ever had those days when you needed to buy groceries and was scared the card was going to be declined because there was not enough money in your account.

The problem with this is that you continue to have the same problems over and over.  Every time you have to pay a bill, you end up feeling the same stress over and over.  While you may have moments of freedom from care, deep down you’ll always be worried about money.

2.  Track your spending.  Part of getting real about your situation is to track how much money you spend.  When you really see how much you have going out, you’re bound to find some places where you can make different choices that are more financially sound. Check out online financial tools like Mint.com and SmartPig.com to track your expenses. Another way is to review your online bank account daily or at least 3-4 times per week.

3.  Trim expenses.  Look for as many ways to trim expenses as possible.  For some people that means letting go of their early morning coffee shop trip.  For others it may mean to eliminate cable service.  There are many luxuries we tend to think of as necessities.  You need to get rid of any expenditures that are luxuries when you really can’t afford them. While you are trimming your expenses look for alternatives like making your own coffee at home or subscribing to a cheap DVD service.

4.  Focus on free activities.  If you look around, you’re bound to find things you can do in your community that are free or very inexpensive.  This is a great way to save money on entertainment while still being able to relax and enjoy down time. Check your local newspaper online for activities or subscribe to local blogs that report on local happenings.

5.  Look for ways to increase income.  Sometimes just making a little more money can relieve your budget a lot.  Try working seasonal, part-time, or temporary jobs to bring in a little extra money.  Internet marketing also provides a way to work from home with flexible hours. Do a survey of your skills and begin offering them to make extra money. Tell your friends and families about your service.

6.  Focus on the family.  Life can be even more stressful when parents feel like they’re the only ones with the responsibility to deal with family finances.  While you don’t need to burden your children with financial fears, you do need to teach them how to manage money.  Let them be part of household financial decisions.

7.  Improve job skills.  When you need more income in your household, it may be time to improve your job skills.  Workshops and certifications can help you to land a better, higher-paying job. There are many free and low cost online places to learn new or upgrade your skills. Check out Lynda.com for a low cost online learning solution.

8.  Live within your means. Many people live in homes that are too expensive with car payments they really can’t afford.  It may be time for you to downsize to a less expensive lifestyle in order to save yourself financially.

9.  Focus on your health.  When finances are stressful, other areas of your life tend to go along.  In times of financial stress continue to eat healthy foods and get regular exercise.  This will help to reduce stress and keep you healthy.

10.  Improve relaxation.  If your mind is busy with the stress of financial problems, it helps to take a few moments each day to get centered.  Meditation for just a few minutes each day can help you to feel better.  You can also try stretching your body to release tension.

It’s easy to be stressed about money. Hopefully you found a few tips above to begin changing this in your life.

I admit I still feel stressed sometimes about money. It can be habit forming, but it’s important for my health and peace of mind to find other ways to cope.

To recap: How to Beat Financial Stress for Single Moms

How do you handle financial stress? Which tip speaks to you?

 

Single Mom Money Tips – Do-it-Yourself Credit Repair

by | Sep 30, 2011


Credit repair can seem like an impossible task. In reality it can be very overwhelming but it is feasible.

You may have heard that when your credit is bad you need to file for bankruptcy, go to a credit counseling course where they will consolidate your debt, or simply ignore it. These are some valid options but they may not be the best for you.

One thing to remember about credit is it is the American way. This doesn’t excuse how credit is abused but we live in a society that operates on credit.

With that in mind credit is or can be a problem for everyone. At some point every person has credit problems.

In our current economy the radio and television waves are filled with commercials about credit repair and bankruptcy options. The court dockets are full of foreclosure, judgments, and other legal proceedings that have to do with credit defaults.

Repairing your own credit can seem intimidating at first but with a little research and a lot of determination you can get your credit in good shape.

The basics of credit repair are: check your credit report, dispute inaccurate information, and negotiate repayment terms, get everything in writing, and never volunteer information.

The creditor you are dealing with must prove, in writing that you actually owe this debt. If they cannot prove it they cannot collect. You have the law on your side in the form of the Fair Credit Reporting Act. Get familiar with it and learn the tactics needed to repair your credit.

For a time you may want to pay for credit monitoring so you can see the results of your work.

It may take three to six months to begin seeing changes but it is worth it when you see your credit score going up.

Single Mom Money Tips – Kids’ Allowance

by | Sep 29, 2011


Give your kids an allowance so they learn how to manage money; because kids and money can be a dangerous thing if they are not properly introduced.

These days children learn at an early age the value of money. Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles begin giving coins and dollars to the little ones before they can hold a bottle it seems.

When you child begins to ask for money it’s time to start teaching the value of money. There are times when our own issues with money overshadow our ability to effectively teach how to use money, but it is important to push past the demonized views we hold.

Giving an allowance opens the door to practical education in money management. There are many online tools available to help with the task or you may choose to use the old pen and paper method.

The basics of income, savings, and expenses are usually all that is necessary in the beginning. As the child gets older more lessons can be taught from how to save, charitable giving, shopping, and paying bills.

Teaching delayed gratifications is another important lesson. The sooner your child learns this the less heartache they will have or destructive choices they will make when they grow up.