[Video] How to Ignore Your Baby Daddy

by | Jun 30, 2012

 

A few months ago I wrote an article about how to ignore your baby’s daddy and forget about child support. It’s a hot topic in terms of ignoring the father on one hand, but who can ignore child support.

The video below goes into more detail about why it’s good for your mental and emotional health to let the baby daddy drama go and move on with your life. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Jasmine Guy Says Change Your Mindset Too Many Women Are Living in a Different World

by | Oct 31, 2011

I had an amazing weekend! I went to visit my parents and see the young people in their church get in front of a large group of people to give a speech. These young men are only twelve years old, but they were courageous enough to stand in front of an audience and share a message of hope and the power the youth have to change the world.

Later I got to hang out with some really great people at a costume party and watch the kids have fun playing games. We had a bonfire (sorry no marshmallows this time), lots of laughs and good food.

I returned home early to attend the Annual Challenge to Change Brunch benefiting Chayil (pronounced Ky-ill). Chayil is an Atlanta Women’s Transformation Program that helps women who have experienced domestic violence and are now moving out of a shelter into the real world on their own.

Chayil bridges the gap through providing 24-hour counseling, financial education, and self-esteem coaching. Women who leave an abusive relationship often do not have a place to turn, no resources, and no one to really understand what they are going through.

The brunch was a celebration of the work Chayil does and recognition for community leaders who support the organization and makes a difference in other ways.

Among the recipients of the Challenge to Change award was Jasmine Guy. Yes, the Jasmine Guy, she played the socialite southern belle Whitney Gilbert and kept us in stitches laughing at her antics and southern drawl on A Different World.

For those of you who have never seen that show, it was a spinoff from The Cosby Show.

Ms. Guy has gone on to many other projects in music, dance, and theater productions.

She is an Atlanta native and advocate for change. She was gracious and spoke on the need for a change of mind.

Without a mindset change, a woman that lives in a world of abuse and violence can never hope to really be set free. How often do we hear about women who go back to their abusers? It’s mostly because they do not believe they can make it on their own or their abuser has wounded their mind so much they believe he (or she) actually loves her.

Jasmine Guy

A mental shift cannot happen in a toxic environment. Programs like Chayil makes a way for women to permanently change not just their location, but their minds as well. This powerful shift gives them hope.

Ms. Guy is so right about a need to change your mindset. Even if we are not in an violently abusive situation, it’s important to recognize when we are mentally bound by other types of abuse. It could be verbal, mental, sexual, or financial abuse. They are no better, and no less harmful than physical abuse.

Another thing to remember is abusive relationships are not just from a significant other. It can be from friends (you know, those frenemies you have), family members (that aunt who is always badgering you or just out right mean), a manager, and even a church leader.

The face of abuse comes in many shapes and sizes so we have to recognize when it’s happening to us.

Three sure signs you are being abused are:

  1. Put downs meant to demean you
  2. Name Calling
  3. Using manipulation, guilt, and shame to get you to do something you don’t want to do

If this is happening to you, it’s up to you to stop it. It may seem scary at first, but it is necessary to stay safe both physically and emotionally. No one has a right to abuse you. We teach our kids safety so it’s time we learned how to keep ourselves safe too. This is called learning boundaries.

Here are a few books I read to break the cycle of abuse in my own life:

Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life
Codependent No More

How can you tell when you are being abused? What are the signs? Why do you let it happen? What can you do to stop it?

The Hand That Really Rules the World

by | Oct 26, 2011

In our current political climate it’s easy to feel uneasy about the way the world is going. As women we sometimes feel powerless as we watch grown men bicker, fight, and sabotage our world because of egos and power struggles.

But we have forgotten just how powerful we really are. We have to find our power and use it for good so our children’s future will be secure. We can do it without running the economy in the ground, without violent protests, and without waging wars that ultimately affects women and children worldwide.

We have to remember (or finally learn) that women truly rule the world. It’s time to take our power back. It’s time to use our gifts to influence the men in our lives (husbands, uncles, brothers, cousins, and friends).

Maybe this poem by William Ross Wallace will put things in perspective for you:

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

Oh, no matter where the place;
Would that never storms assailed it,
Rainbows ever gently curled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Infancy’s the tender fountain,
Power may with beauty flow,
Mother’s first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow–
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our natal sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!
All true trophies of the ages
Are from mother-love impearled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Blessings on the hand of women!
Fathers, sons, and daughters cry,
And the sacred song is mingled
With the worship in the sky–
Mingles where no tempest darkens,
Rainbows evermore are hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.
William Ross Wallace

and for a little modern reminder, courtesy of Summer’s Eve, “Hail to the V”! I love this commercial!