Parenting can be hard at times, but raising a boy as a single mom can be even harder. It is difficult for single mothers to play the role as a father at the same time as being mom and breadwinner. Single moms often feel guilt, anxiety and are even overwhelmed by the absence of the father and the added parenting responsibilities.
Single moms are great at nurturing and caring for their children. As a single mom raising a boy, you are presented with unique opportunities and can provide him with the foundation he needs to be grounded, connected and accepted. You can do things with him like a father would, such as play ball, but you must have a different mindset while raising boys.
Teach him to be strong, to have good manners, and helpful behaviors.
Allow him to express his feelings and let him know that it is okay to do so.
Encourage him to learn how to cook, do laundry, even babysit if he has younger siblings.
Provide outlets for aggression.
Set limits or boundaries where needed to discourage inappropriate behavior
Have conversations with them, even if it is about something silly.
Support and motivate rather than criticize.
Help them to build self-esteem.
Teach empathy.
Be consistent with discipline. Do not negotiate or bargain.
Teach them to know when they make mistakes. Ensure that they understand what they did wrong and how to amend it.
Model respect and how to treat others.
Help them to develop coping skills to deal with life’s lessons and disappointments, such as being rejected by his first crush
Give him some chores to teach responsibility. Chores also help to develop a strong work ethic and values system. Make it age appropriate. Things like taking out the trash, mowing or raking the yard, or even small repairs.
But boys also need a male figure in their life. As a mother you will not be able to counsel him on how it feels to
go through
puberty, to be embarrassed by guys in the locker room, or to miss his first play in a big game. You can love him through those times, but you will never understand his point of view.
Too often, single moms feel pressure to find a man to love so they can provide a male role model for their sons. But you do NOT need to have a man in YOUR life to have a man in your SON’S life. Having responsible male mentors as part of the boy’s life helps compensate for the absence of the father.
Find a respectable and trusted male relative or friend for your son to look up to and to spend “guy time” with. Ask them to be a mentor to your son. You can also have a coach, teacher, and pastor, anybody you feel comfortable with, to be there for him.
Another option is the Big Brother program. Every growing boy needs a father or a man who he can toss ball with, shoot baskets, play chase, someone to look up to in times of boy-moments and to turn to for a man’s perspective.
Parents of special needs children have enough on their plates just tending to the health, educational and emotional needs of their kids – not to mention often having to cope with drastically lowered income because of reduced work hours or having to pay someone else for childcare. So it’s not surprising that many of these parents haven’t had time to hatch a long-term financial plan in case their kids need care after they’re not around.
Fortunately, many government programs and community resources are available to help relieve the financial burden of parenting special needs children. But eligibility criteria are complicated and the application process time-consuming. Plus, if you’re not careful, you or well-meaning relatives could inadvertently disqualify your kids for future benefits by not structuring their inheritances correctly.
Here’s a brief overview of key government assistance programs:
The Social Security Administration provides two types of disability coverage: Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Social Security Disability Income (SSDI). Rules and eligibility requirements differ between the two programs – and benefits differ for children and adults.
In a nutshell, SSI is a needs-based, cash-assistance program for disabled people of any age in low-income families with limited resources. Children qualify for SSI benefits if they meet certain strict criteria outlined in SSA Publication 05-11000 (www.ssa.gov/pubs/11000.html).
SSDI is a separate program funded by payroll deductions (part of FICA). Although children sometimes receive SSDI payments if their parents are disabled, their eligibility is based on their parents’ disability status, not on their own. However, after turning 22, already disabled children may qualify for SSDI on their own if at least one parent qualifies for Social Security benefits.
Eligibility rules and definitions for SSI and SSDI are complex. To see if your child qualifies, call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213, or search the Disability and SSI tabs atwww.ssa.gov. One particularly helpful resource is “Benefits for Children with Disabilities,” SSA Publication No. 05-10026.
Many families inadvertently jeopardize their disabled child’s eligibility for government-provided benefits by opening accounts in the child’s name or designating them as beneficiaries. Unfortunately, federal law dictates that recipients of SSI, Medicaid and many state assistance programs will be disqualified if they have resources worth over $2,000. So, if Uncle Jerry leaves your daughter $10,000 in his will, she could lose her benefits.
One good alternative is to create a special needs trust, whose assets can be used by its trustee to manage the finances and personal effects of a disabled person. Trusts are governed by state laws and should only be drafted by an attorney familiar with this area of law.
Some parents name the trust as beneficiary of life insurance policies to ensure a source of funding if they die before their child. (Stay current on your premiums.) Other possible funding sources include cash, stocks and other investments, retirement plan death benefits, home sale proceeds and inheritances from other relatives and friends. Just make sure that the trust –not the child – is named beneficiary.
Preparing a special needs trust can be expensive – possibly several thousand dollars, depending on your situation. But weigh that against the prospect of your child losing out on a lifetime of government-provided benefits because of an accidental inheritance – speaking of which, be sure to let any well-meaning relatives or friends know about the trust.
Jason Alderman directs Visa’s financial education programs. To participate in a free, online Financial Literacy and Education Summit on April 17, 2013, go towww.practicalmoneyskills.com/summit2013.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
One of the most exciting parts of parenthood is watching your children learn as they grow. Of course, life’s lessons can be tough just as often as they can be pleasant. And as you want to protect kids from falling off their bike or scraping a knee, you also want to set them up for a successful financial future, as free from worries as possible.
One of the best things you can do to prepare your kids for a lifetime of handling money is to get them started early. But it isn’t only about timing – following through with lessons and providing plenty of explanation is essential.
Keep these tips in mind to give your kids a leg up in learning about finances.
* Start saving. The earlier you can get your kids into the habit of saving, the more they’ll have to enjoy down the road. The concept doesn’t need to be overly complex – and it shouldn’t be, when you’re dealing with very young children. Piggy banks are a perfect tool for starting saving habits; a simple glass jar works, too, and gives kids an exciting visual to associate with their savings. As your children grow, so should their ideas about saving money. Opening a real savings account in your child’s name is not only an exciting event for her, it builds an early understanding of banking. Some schools and banks even have partnerships that allow students to make deposits at school. If your school doesn’t offer such a program, make trips to the bank with your kids and show them how to monitor their accounts.
* Have ongoing conversations about money. Making your children comfortable with discussing finances is a gift that, while not flashy, will serve them well throughout their lives. Start conversations about needs versus wants, budgeting and life’s necessary expenditures. Encourage price comparison skills by going grocery shopping together and looking at different brands. Set an example by telling kids how you save up to buy an item that you want and ways that you cut costs – and what you can get from the savings. If there’s something your child wants, provide guidance and ideas for how to save up the amount needed to make the purchase.
* Effectively use an allowance. An allowance is a tricky thing – it can be a good teaching tool, but you don’t want your kids to view it as a handout. Whether or not you choose to associate chores with an allowance is up to you, but you should have discussions with your children about when allowances will be paid, and how they can be spent – or saved. Encourage savings by providing two bank envelopes – one for savings and one for spending. If your budget allows for it, consider a “match” program in which you contribute a percentage every time your child makes a savings deposit.
* Don’t be afraid of mistakes. Some of the most powerful lessons lie in making mistakes, so don’t be afraid to let your children make some less-than-perfect decisions. Whether they overspend their budgets or waste money on something frivolous and later regret it, it’s important for them to learn the consequences of financial mismanagement early in life.
Teaching kids about money can be daunting, but doing so lays the groundwork for a stable financial future. Whenever possible, make lessons about money fun, yet practical; emphasize that money doesn’t have to be scary, and that good things come from using it wisely. –
Visit the Equifax Finance Blog (blog.equifax.com) for more useful information and tips on managing family money matters. – (BPT)
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
My first word of advice is to stop trying to do it all. Yes it’s easier said than done so here is a more realistic piece of advice.
Delegate.
Maybe that’s not realistic either so here is my final word on how to cope it all as a working single mom.
Let it go.
Delegate Everything to Give Others a Chance to Help You Cope
That’s what I do. I delegate tasks to my kids, my friends, my family, or anyone who I feel can and is willing to help or I simply let it go. The world will not end and I won’t get labeled the worst mom in the world if I don’t do it all.
My kids are older now so I can delegate the task of cleaning their room, the living room, the kitchen, the car; ok basically the entire house. When they were younger I felt like a terrible mom if I didn’t do everything and the house wasn’t spic and span.
I felt guilty and depressed because my house often looked like a hurricane hit it. But I was working and going to school full-time; trying to study and take care of my small children. My mom made me feel guilty whenever she visited and I did my best to try to please her and meet her standard.
Let It go to Save your Sanity
Finally, I let it go and let myself off the hook. I gave up trying to be super mom. I let the dishes and vacuuming go until I had the time (and energy) to do it.
If I had the money at the time I would have hired someone to come in and clean for me. These days if you can catch a good Living Social or Groupon deal, you might find a cleaning service for $25. I say treat yourself to it and relax your mind.
Be Selfish with Your Time and Limit Kid Activities
Another way to cope with it all is to forget about putting your kid in every sports, dance, or art activity. Those things will eat up your time. Decide if you want them in an activity and if so choose one thing per child and alternate seasons. If you have two children choose on activity and rotate every three months or so. This way you only have to get one child to one activity after school or on the weekend. You don’t get overwhelmed and you free up time to re-energize in the evenings and on the weekend.
A Single Mom Sanity Saver Case Study
A single mom friend of mine is in school, working, active in church, taking care of four kids and was burning out. She felt guilty that she wasn’t spending time with the kids and couldn’t help them with homework and get her homework done.
Homework Help Solutions
I encouraged her to do her homework with the kids so she could be available to help them. She would be setting a good example for them by diligently doing her homework. It was also a way to spend time with them too.
To Cook or Not to Cook
I advised her to stop trying to cook full meals each night. It is okay to have quick meals of breakfast for dinner, burgers or hotdogs with chips, or a bowl of cereal occasionally.
Getting a Nap to Energize Your Life
To get extra sleep, I encouraged her to nap on the sofa while the kids watched a movie a couple days a week. She could let them know in advance that she might fall asleep while watching the movie because she needed a little extra rest. This teaches kids respect and compassion as well as how to take care of their bodies. She would be present for the kids while taking care of herself.
Being responsible for doing it all is challenging and even overwhelming. But managing your life by adopting new ways of thinking and doing things can tame your runaway life.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
It’s school fundraising season. Moms and dads can relate to this annoying ritual (getting asked to buy cookie dough or wrapping paper at inflated prices.) And how do you say no to your cute neighbor?Stacey Boyd, a former school administrator and mom founder of Savvy Source, a national resource
Stacey Boyd, a former school administrator and mom founder of Savvy Source, a national resource on finding good schools, has 5 key tips:
1. Best to set a budget and pace yourself throughout the year. Don’t blow your budget on the first cutie knocking on your door with candy bars.
2. Consider just making a straight donation with a smile instead of buying the cookie dough you don’t really want — so the fundraiser makes more profit!
3. Remember that this is an opportunity for kids to learn valuable lessons around responsibility, social skills, and money – they’ll remember the way you make them feel!
4. Contribute to fundraisers that you’re personally passionate about to make sure they get the larger share of what you can give
5. Find programs that allow you to give back in a way that’s easy and inline with what you already plan to spend. One powerful way to do that is through sites like Schoola.com Schools, parents and national brands have come together with fantastic savings – and generous school donations of up to 35% each purchase. Go to schoola.com to save and the potential to raise thousands for your school!
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
I’m trying out a new segment. It’s all about keeping it real for myself and for my readers.
The reality is, I am not a maid. I don’t want to be a maid. I was not created to wait on anyone, much less my children, hand and foot.
You are a Mother, Life Coach, and Motivator…not a Maid
I believe I am here to be a life coach for my kids.
I coach them about the realities (and beauty) in life.
I teach them how to live and survive on their own.
Part of that means they have to learn how to clean up after themselves, learn how to cook, do their own laundry, learn how to shop, choose their own clothes, etc.
Stop Feeling Guilty and Trying to Do it All
I see too many moms, especially single moms feeling guilty because they don’t have the energy to do everything for their families and be perfect.
A long time ago I felt the same way and it nearly drove me crazy. But I had a reality check and adopted the mindset that I was not the maid, but I am the
CEO
Household Manager
Queen of my home
Be the CEO and Delegate, Delegate, Delegate
I learned to delegate age-appropriate tasks to the kids and do the things they couldn’t possibly do like cook at least three meals a week (nope, I don’t cook everyday) and drive to places we wanted to go.
Because I didn’t shoo my kids away when I cooked they learned how to prepare simple meals for themselves or the family. Years ago this is how kids learned, side-by-side with their parents. It’s how I learned.
The Benefits of Being the Queen Bee and Training Them Well
Now my kids cook and serve me meals to give me a break sometimes. I love it when my son asks me if I want something to eat or drink and he brings me a plate or cool glass of juice. He loves doing it for me and I praise him in return. He will make some woman very happy one day.
So take a page from my book of reality ladies. Stop killing yourself by slaving away from morning to night. Trash the maid mentality and assume the Household Manager mindset. The kids are your household helpers and will be thankful that you taught them how to survive and thrive once they leave your nest.
Now go sit down somewhere and have a great weekend!
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
mother you will not be able to counsel him on how it feels to
