“I want a divorce”-whether you say it or they say it—the movement it makes in your life is stronger than any earthquake. Then the real earthquake happens-the first weekend of visitation. As a stay at home special needs mom, this was the hardest nights I have had to experience in my entire life. I felt like one half of myself was torn away.
I remember when my baby was born, the NICU nurses were mad at me for not laying in bed but taking him to every feeding and delaying returning to my room. I couldn’t walk away, even though I was right down the hall. Now I had to spend an entire weekend away from him. Nevertheless, there is a way to get through it.
Let it out!
Cry-hard and deep and strong. Hold his toys and let yourself collapse in his bed. Whatever it takes. My grandmother used to say “A good cry is the best medicine to move on.” Don’t feel like a sucker or anything. You are going through what will be the hardest beginning of a chapter ever. You are going to need to let emotions out to move forward. Go through tissues, all your hot water whatever you need to do. Just let it out-
Clean Up The House
Let’s face it-during the first few weeks of a breakup you and your house look like it’s ready to be demolished. Put on some energizing music-NO SAD SONGS ALLOWED. Take one room at a time alongside a garbage bag. Note: This is not a time to go through the husband’s leftovers or the keepsake box, it’s time to make this house the home it should be. Laundry in the basket, tissues in the garbage. Believe it or not it will make you feel better. A literally clean slate, starting with your home and moving forward when you are ready.
List Your Single Girl Loves
Take yourself back to a moment where you weren’t “Mommy” or “Honey”. What did you love to do? What made you feel alive? What did you enjoy when the world went to bed but you were too awake? I ask because there now are going to be days where you can be her again a bit. For me it was writing and fashion design. I bought a book where you “finish” a story and started watching Project Runway again doing the challenges. I did it of course around my usual to do list but it was a way to keep the kid free spaces full.
Find a Self Care Item You Can Afford Every Visitation
This can be anything that will not break your budget. I am not asking you to go to Elizabeth Arden or a Manhattan Spa that costs as much as your rent, but something that makes you feel good about yourself. For me its home facials. I feel so much better after them-confident, happy and me. It doesn’t hurt to have that feeling when the ex comes by with the little ones. Bottom line: Something to bring you back to you..cause now that’s all the little ones can count on-especially when you are the majority custody parent.
In the end, you need to get it all out and get it all ready. Prepare for the new chapter by making the main character as strong and ready and independent as possible. Budgeting and readying for the technics can wait till the next visitation-right now you are the priority to prepare. Now get started on this new world of and for you.
Heather is a politico turned special needs single mom who just started journaling her path for other single mom’s. She lives in nyc with the greatest kid ever.
