How to Get Off the Child Support #Struggletrain

How to Get Off the Child Support #Struggletrain

Admit it. Getting your baby’s daddy to pay child support can be like pulling your eyelashes out one by one. Why can’t he understand that you both made this child so he needs to help support this child? All the excuses are getting old and tired.

The bills need to be paid.

The baby needs shoes? Food. Uniforms. Doctor visits. Clothes. All the things that make survival possible.

So how can you get him to pay up or get off the #struggletrain? Stick with me and I’ll share a few practical ideas you can start using today to make the struggle less stressful. Hopefully, the following tips will also prepare you to go into the battle with a better strategy.

My ultimate goal is to inspire you to seek a different path to financial freedom.

Reality Check: Honestly, unless you are a baller ex-wife, boo, or side chick, was married to a CEO or a business owner; it will be hard to make a living, much less a life off of child support. You will be more successful taking action on the tips I share in the second half of this article.

A 7-Step (Mostly) Conflict-Free Process for Getting Child Support

child support conflict agreement

Step 1 – Decide How Much You Need

What will it take to raise your child and meet all his needs? Check your food, clothing, utilities, and all the things your child uses and needs. When you have a number divide it in half. This is how much you need from your ex to raise your children. Be realistic about his ability to pay. Next access his finances.

Step 2 – Assess His Finances

How much does your Ex make? You may not know the exact amount but you can research his job position and the average pay for that position. Be realistic about how much he gets paid when you are considering your child’s needs and his income. There may be a huge gap.

Step 3 – Communicate Your Demands

The next step is to say what you need to care for your child. There is a difference between demanding money because you think he owes you something and asking for money because raising a child requires money. I suggest you go as far as itemizing the cost of everything your child will need for the year. Write it on a piece of paper and give it to your child’s father. Wait for a response then go to the next step. Negotiation.

Step 4 – Come to an Agreement

In this step,  talk about the list and decide, together, what he can realistically do. Sometimes it’s just not as cut and dry or black and white as you think. He honestly may not be able to give you everything but can do something. Ask him if it’s truly the best he can do. Keep at it until you both feel this is something you can live with for at least three months, six months, or a year.

Request a review after agreed time limit has passed to see if he’s in a better position to do more. Men need facts to make decisions. They do not rely entirely on their feelings. If you make it about feelings and drama you will get less than you think you deserve and he will make it harder to get it even at the risk of going to jail, back taxes, or anything to keep you from winning.

Step 5 – File the Paperwork

When you have an agreement put it in writing and you both sign it. This is now your contract to keep or file with the courts if that is part of the agreement. If it is part of a child support order, send it to your attorney or complete the forms yourself. The point is to have a record of the agreement and preferably a witness.

Step 6 – Communicate Regularly

Decide how you will communicate and what you will communicate with your Ex. Keep everything brief and business-like so you stay focused on what matters; your child. Keep your emotions in check and do not allow him to bait you into a conversation about your past relationship, your current relationship with someone else, and all the things you or he did wrong. The less you talk about unresolved personal issues when discussing child support the better off you will be.

Decide if you want to tell him about any special purchases you needed to make because of school needs, medical needs, or other needs outside of the usual food, clothing, and shelter he is contributing to with the child support payments. Make a communication schedule that you can agree on and stay within those guidelines.

Depending on how volatile your relationship is you may decide to only use text messaging, only email, and rarely a phone call. You may use a combination of it all. It is up to you. Whatever you decide to do, be consistent.

Step 7 – Wait for the Check/ Deposit

Now you wait for the child support check to arrive. It may feel stressful because you are not sure if it will come. If it doesn’t communicate with him and ask when you can expect it. If it does come send a quick text saying you got it and say thanks the first few times. The more you appreciate his effort and integrity in sending it the more goodwill you create.

How to Get Off the Child Support Struggle Train in 7 Steps

Now that you have tried the tactics to get child support I’d like you to assess how much you can actually survive off that money. Is it enough to pay the rent, car note, buy food, clothing, school project materials, take a vacation? Can you live off that amount combined with what you make at your job? Are you still struggling to make ends meet? Are you willing to think about the reason you are still struggling?

It’s likely that even after all the tactics and strategy, the child support is still not enough or nonexistent because he barely keeping up with the payments or not making payments at all. You can’t even depend on a steady payment every month. The struggle is truly real. So how do you get off the child support struggle train?

I’m glad you asked!

Getting off the #struggletrain won’t be easy but it is worth it if you want emotional and financial freedom.

Step 1 – Create a budget that does not include child support

Save your sanity and simply plan your spending around the money you bring in. You will introduce financial stability into your life and step away from the emotional struggle of depending on a child support check that may or may not come.

Step 2 – Create an Income Increase Plan

Now that you see your budget you are probably thinking to yourself, “This won’t cover all my expenses and it still feels like I’m struggling!”. I get it which is why your next step is to come up with an Income Increase plan. This means you think about ways you can increase your income.

Can you create a side gig? Can you take an online certification course to get a better paying job? Can you sell toys on Ebay? Create a long and short term income increase plan and start on it immediately.

Step 3 – Deal with Your Child’s Father Differently

Clear the negative energy you feel for your ex. Do it by any means necessary because as long as you feel anger, resentment, depression, fear, or hostility toward him, the more he is in control. You are better than that and can control yourself, your life, and your destiny. Anytime we hold negative emotions about someone we give them control over our lives.

Step 4 – Focus on Creating a Life You Love

Focus on what you want. Nothing else. When you learn how to focus only on what you want you get it. All distractions pull you back into a dysfunctional life and none of your dreams can come true. Focus on the goals you had before your relationship went sour, or before you had kids, or before your divorce.

Create a list of your top three goals and add a date you want to reach that goal. Keep the list in a place where you can see it daily. Your bathroom mirror, your bedroom door, or your phone lock screen are good places to keep your three goals visible.

Next Steps to Getting off the Child Support Struggle Train7 Strategies to turn Child support conflict and struggle into a happier conflict-free ending. RichSingleMomma.com

Step 5 – Ask for help

Find someone who has been where you are but is happy and successful. Ask them to mentor you and keep you accountable to your goals. This kind of support will do wonders for your life. The biggest challenge with this is trusting someone enough to open up about your struggles. Pray for the right person to come into your life.

Step 6 – Join or create a support group 

Find a group of women who are positive and want the same thing you want. It should be a group of women dedicated to problem-solving, not problem re-hashing. Whiners and complainers are not interested in forward progress and rarely get past the navel-gazing phase. Skip those kinds of people. Fine solution-oriented groups.

Step 6 – Trust your intuition

In your heart of hearts, you know the right answers for you. Trust yourself to make good decisions and you will. Do the research, ask people questions who have the answers, pray for wisdom, and know you can always start over if you make the wrong decision.

What’s Your Next Move?

There are two schools of thought on how to get the child support you need. Rely on the child’s father, who may or may not come through or rely on yourself, who will always come through. Some say he owes you but I say an unhealthy dependence on child support puts him in a position to emotionally and financially OWN you. I was put on this planet to empower single moms, through my own experiences and through practical solutions.

I’ve shared what I think are two solutions that may satisfy both schools of thought. You can pursue child support actively using the methods I shared in part one. You can even pursue it passively by simply filing paperwork with the state. But I think the second part of this article is feasible and definitely more satisfying. Of course, it’s up to you to choose the best course of action.

Women Entrepreneurs Week – Maia Haag

Women Entrepreneurs Week – Maia Haag

November 19 was Women’s Entrepreneurship Day where the accomplishments of women in business are highlighted. I love being in business and meeting other women who are living on purpose and adding value to the world through their business. Instead of celebrating just one day I’m celebrating all week and possibly the rest of the month.

I’ll introduce you to incredibly innovative women and highlight their business for you. To learn more about them personally and/or what they sell, click on the links to visit their websites. Remember, when women are strong, the world is stronger.

Today I want you to meet woman entrepreneur Maia Haag, Co-Founder and President of I See Me!

What kind of business do you have?

I See Me! (www.iseeme.com) is the largest publisher of personalized children’s books and gifts in the US. We sell beautifully illustrated and designed personalized books that are made one-by-one especially for each child. The books make perfect holiday gifts, new baby gifts, birthday and baptism gifts for children ages 0-8.

i-see-me-fairytalebundle
What keeps you going? What’s your Why?

The mission of I See Me! is to make each child feel special. Our books help to build self-esteem in children because the child is the star of the story. Our books are deeply personalized. For example, many of our books allow the gift-giver to select the skin tone and hair color of the child. Other of our books incorporate a photo of the child’s face into the illustrations. As a result, children love reading their very own books over and over, and they cherish them forever.


What kind of help did you have to start and build your company?

My husband and I built our company together. We received a personalized book for our own child and we thought it could have been done better. My husband is a graphic designer, I am a marketer, and we combined our business minds to create a much higher quality personalized book than what was in the marketplace. Now we have a fantastic team of leaders helping to shape the company.

i-see-me-123blastbundle
What makes you feel successful in life and business?

I have re-defined success to mean not only building a successful business, but also having time for my children, husband and myself. I especially enjoy the one-on-one time that I plan with each of our kids and with my husband. For many years I was focused on the business at the expense of my personal life, and I have made some major shifts such as no longer working in the evenings. It required me to redefine my definition of success in order to do that.

maia-haag-womens-entrepreneur-week.jpgBIO: Maia Haag is an entrepreneur and general manager who has gone from managing multi-million dollar businesses at General Mills to writing and self-publishing personalized children’s books that have generated multi-millions in sales. Maia is the Co-Founder and President of I See Me! , the largest publisher of personalized children’s books in the world.

Women Entrepreneurs Week – Sharon Blumberg

Women Entrepreneurs Week – Sharon Blumberg

November 19 was Women’s Entrepreneurship Day where the accomplishments of women in business are highlighted. I love being in business and meeting other women who are living on purpose and adding value to the world through their business. Instead of celebrating just one day I’m celebrating all week and possibly the rest of the month.

I’ll introduce you to incredibly innovative women and highlight their business for you. To learn more about them personally and/or what they sell, click on the links to visit their websites. Remember, when women are strong, the world is stronger.

Today I want you to meet Dallas mom, Sharon Blumberg in the interview I had with her.

What kind of business do you have? 

I am the owner of a children’s lifestyle brand called CHOOZE. We create footwear, apparel, and accessories that are different, literally. We are best known for our signature creatively-coordinated footwear – the left shoe is always different from the right – and we have extended our colorful design aesthetic onto our apparel and accessories.

chooze-spook-baby-booties      chooze-candy-pants

Thanksgiving special – 50% off all purchases over $100 on mychoooze.com with the code GIVETHANKS.

What keeps you going? What’s your Why?chooze-candy-dress

The entire goal for our business has always been about empowering kids to reach their potential and inspiring parents to
give their kids the freedom to do so. CHOOZE is about self-expression, creativity, and confidence. When we foster these qualities we can do anything. The name of the brand represents our power to choose to be who we are truly meant to be. From the design concept to our socially responsible business model, our “why” is about the power of choice.

What’s your biggest challenge?

Being a business owner brings on new challenges every single day. Every day I am tested on how I will react and handle a new issue. I would say that my biggest challenge is trying to stay calm and positive through the roller coaster ride of entrepreneurship.

What do you do for regular self-care?

I try to take time every day to do something for me, whether it’s going for a walk or practicing yoga. The practice of yoga has been fully transformative for me because it has taught me to calm my otherwise chaotic mind, to be strong & flexible on and off the mat, and to live consciously.

sharon-blumberg-choozeBIO: Sharon Blumberg is a Dallas mom on a mission to empower and elevate kids through creativity and confidence. Blumberg’s career began as an artist and designer focused on creating custom murals and furniture for children’s rooms. Since becoming a mom to three creative kids, she realized one of her greatest passions – using art to motivate kids to dream big. Blumberg turned this passion into a business and created CHOOZE, a lifestyle brand that started with a line of creatively-coordinated footwear.

Women Entrepreneurs Week – Debra Stangl

Women Entrepreneurs Week – Debra Stangl

November 19 was Women’s Entrepreneurship Day where the accomplishments of women in business are highlighted. I love being in business and meeting other women who are living on purpose and adding value to the world through their business. Instead of celebrating just one day I’m celebrating all week and possibly the rest of the month.

I’ll introduce you to incredibly innovative women and highlight their business for you. To learn more about them personally and/or what they sell, click on the links to visit their websites. Remember, when women are strong, the world is stronger.

Today I want you to meet Debra Stangl, Founder/CEO – Sedona Soul Adventures – Sedona, AZ

Author – The Journey to Happy – How Embracing The Concept That Nothing Is Wrong Can Transform Your Life” 

What kind of business do you have?

At Sedona Soul Adventures, we do private retreats that are custom-designed for individuals and couples. We help people go from where they are to where they want to be. We work with over 40 of Sedona’s master practitioners and we spend a lot of time talking with each person before they come to Sedona to really go deep into what’s going on? What do you want?  Then we custom design each retreat of private one-on-one sessions to give our clients exactly what they need to have the life or the relationship of their dreams.

The two most common things people say to us is  “I never dreamed my life could be this good” or “We never believed our relationship could be this wonderful”.  The retreats are truly life changing and transformational.

I have also combined my spiritual work with my love of travel and I take groups each year to Egypt and Machu Picchu, to experience the sacred energy of these amazing places.

I’ve now become an author. My book,The Journey to Happy – How Embracing The Concept That Nothing Is Wrong Can Transform Your Life” launched October 19, 2016 and has gone to Amazon #1 Best Seller in 5 Categories and International #1 Best Seller in 4 countries. In the book I explain how I went from being a burned out divorce attorney, who was 40 pounds overweight and $50,000 in debt to $50,000 dropping out of the sky, losing 40 pounds in 5 weeks without diet or exercise and doing the work of my dreams with Sedona Soul Adventures. I then show the reader how using the concept of Nothing Is Wrong can transform every area of your life.

I blog every week about living your best life and how to do it. It’s posted on our web site, http://SedonaSoulAdventures.com

Why did you choose this business or blog?
In many ways, I feel like it chose me and I almost didn’t have any choice! Because I was so unfulfilled and unhappy as a divorce attorney, that led me to Sedona where I connected with some of the world’s most amazing and advanced healers and spiritual guides. My own healing led me on a quest that culminated in the discoveries that I discuss in my book and that we utilize at Sedona Soul Adventures, especially that real and lasting change is possible. I knew I had to bring that message to the world and that has been my mission for the past 14 years.

What do you do for regular self-care?
Quite literally, I use the Stepping Stones that are in my book (meditation, Gratitude Journal, Tapping) and I do sessions cover-for-kindle-finalregularly with my fantastic practitioners, especially sessions that move energetic blocks and breathwork. I do yoga 1-2 times per week and I hike in the beautiful red rocks of Sedona with my golden retriever, Daisy. I have weekly massages and myopractic adjustments every 2 weeks. I also do a very unusual type of weight workout with my personal trainer for 25 minutes every 10 days.

What makes you feel successful in life and business?

My business is all about helping people live their best lives and that’s what my life is about. I truly believe that the key to feeling fulfilled and happy is living our lives in connection on all the levels – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. When we are connected on all the levels, we feel great, we’re operating on all four cylinders. When we’re not, we simply can’t live our best life.

I try to live this all the time and try to practice what I preach. Do I do it all the time? No, I don’t, I’m human. But the more I try, the better I get at it. I also teach having compassion with yourself, which is something that as women we often find hard to do.

deb-stanglBio: 17 years ago, Debra Stangl was a burnt out divorce attorney, 40 pounds overweight, $50,000 in debt and in an unhappy marriage. She came to Sedona for the first time and everything changed. As she recounts in her new book, “The Journey to Happy – How Embracing The Concept That Nothing Is Wrong Can Transform Your Life”, $50,000 dropped out of the sky, she lost 40 pounds in 5 weeks (without dieting) and now does the work of her dreams with Sedona Soul Adventures, by helping others find happiness.

Women Entrepreneurs Week – Tina Hay

Women Entrepreneurs Week – Tina Hay

November 19 was Women’s Entrepreneurship Day where the accomplishments of women in business are highlighted. I love being in business and meeting other women who are living on purpose and adding value to the world through their business. Instead of celebrating just one day I’m celebrating all week and possibly the rest of the month.

I’ll introduce you to incredibly innovative women and highlight their business for you. To learn more about them personally and/or what they sell, click on the links to visit their websites. Remember, when women are strong, the world is stronger.

Today I want you to meet Tina Hay the Founder and Creator of Napkin Finance 

What kind of business do you have?

Napkin Finance is a platform that simplifies complex financial topics.napkin-finance-start-up

Through sketches and videos, we make financial literacy more palatable. What’s unique about Napkin Finance is that we engage through humor, simplicity, trust, and empathy.

Why did you choose this business?

The inspiration for Napkin Finance was my own struggles with finance as an MBA student. I am a visual thinker, as are many other people. Sketching out images has always helped me understand complex topics.

I started illustrating different topics on napkins as a marketing platform for a previous startup and we saw that our napkins seemed to resonate with quite a few people.

As we added more and more topics, we realized that there are few resources that make financial literacy more palatable and accessible.  From there we have grown from napkins to videos, a glossary and we are now working on releasing a podcast.

What keeps you going? What’s your “Why?”

The best part of what we do is the feedback and messages we get from our members. Nothing beats hearing from parents, young adults, teachers and many others that they love our content and we are helping them make smart and impactful money decisions.

napkin-finance-student-loan

What kind of help did you have to start and build your company?

I have been very lucky to have a team that is incredibly talented, hard-working, and loves working on such an important and vital subject.  I have also had great advisors from the start that have helped guide the strategy and direction of the company.

What’s your biggest challenge?

The biggest challenge is focusing my time and resources on the most important issues, rather than getting distracted by the numerous daily challenges and opportunities.

What kind of support system do you have?

I have incredibly supportive family and friends. Starting a business is a roller coaster ride and it is sometimes difficult to handle all the ups and downs. It is nice to also know many people who have started companies and can understand and relate to the difficulties and demands of startup life.

What makes you feel successful in life and business?

Working on a company that is helping people and also having fun doing it is the best feeling and more rewarding than any other financial return.

women-entrepreneurs-tina-hay-ceo-napkin-financeBIO: Tina’s personal struggles understanding complex financial topics led her to found Napkin Finance, a guide to everything you need to know about money in 30 seconds or less.  The mission of the company is to empower readers to make smart money decisions and build a lifetime of financial well-being. Prior to creating Napkin Finance, she was Co-founder and President of CityTripping.com and Founder of Platinum Test Group. She holds a B.A. from UCLA and an MBA from Harvard University.

How to Sell Your Engagement Ring Online (Worthy.com)

I shared with you what happened when I sold my engagement ring after I got divorced. Back then the only way to sell your engagement ring online was to go to Craigslist or some other classified directory. I didn’t get the best price I’m sure because I wasn’t well informed. I didn’t get the ring appraised, in fact, I didn’t really know I could take it to a jeweler to find out all the details about the ring.

Things are different now so you don’t have to practically give away your diamond ring. You have options for selling your ring online and getting the best price instead of the first price someone throws your way.

I got information about Worthy.com recently and feel it is a great way to sell your diamond engagement ring online. The site was created so women who have jewelry laying around can sell it for a great price to the highest bidder. I decided to give a try myself so I went to the website and started the process of selling a wedding band. In the video below you can see step by step how to sell the rings online. It’s very easy to do so take a look at the video and then dig out your diamond rings and start selling.

Fast Facts:

  • The estimate is free
  • The shipping is free
  • Listing in the auction is done for you
  • You get to decide the lowest amount you’ll take based on the appraised value
  • You get paid in 7 days after the sale of your jewelry

Have you sold your engagement ring or wedding band? Do you think you would sell it now that you see how easy it can be?