One of my biggest fears when my children were young was that someone would try to take them away from me. Whether it was their father, the state, my parents, or anyone who thought they could do a better job than me.
I’m learning that this is the fear of many single mothers because they have either been threatened or they suppose they are not good enough mothers. I thought I was not an adequate provider or nurturer for a long time so I was driven to put myself in a better position financially. It was tough to feel this pressure because it added to the stress I was already feeling, which contributed to deeper depression.
A Light Bulb Moment for Me
One day I realized that no one can take care of my kids like I can. They can’t know what is best for them because I trust myself to raise them with love, nurture, and wisdom. It became clear that many people who judged me for being a single mom thought they could do a better job because they had more money, a so-called more stable environment, or a house with two adults in it.
Believing a Lie Lead to Self-Doubt and Depression
I bought into the lie that I was inadequate because I didn’t do things the traditional way. I didn’t regiment my kid’s lives by keeping them on a strict schedule. I didn’t have the neatest apartment. I didn’t attend all the PTA meetings or wasn’t a room parent. I compared myself to people who seemed to have it all together and tried to live up to their standards.
Unfortunately I dug a deep hole of self-doubt and low self-esteem. I forgot about all the good things I did for my kids like shower them with hugs and kisses, apologize when I was grumpy so they would see I was human, sit and talk with them about their little issues, teach them how to choose their own clothes and shoes instead of doing everything for them, and make them feel important. I did so many things right but I was focused on all the wrong things others pointed out about my life as a single mother.
Points Missed for Being an Awesome Mother
They didn’t see that I was working and going to school full-time. They failed to see how I helped others with things they simply didn’t know how to do. They couldn’t see me being creative with meals or shopping on the limited income I had. They could not see me pouring positive thoughts into my children’s lives or understand the struggle I had to put them first when my ex targeted them for abuse.
Standing My Ground and Fighting Judgment for Being a Single Mom
Today if anyone dared judge me for being a single mother I’d laugh in their face. If anyone attempted to take them from me they would have a mama bear to contend with. My kids would fight tooth and nail to stay with me because they know that with mom, there is love, acceptance, and security.
What to do if Someone Threatens to Take Your Kids
If you are struggling with someone who is questioning your value as parent, challenge them to do what you do 24/7. Stand your ground against the controlling behavior and emotional abuse they are subjecting you to, because that is what it boils down to.
If someone is threatening to take you to court be sure to document everything they say and do as well as how you have been the best parent possible for your children. Stay above negativity and act as a mature woman would. You have the power to fight against threats if you will only believe you can.
If you’ve made mistakes in the past acknowledge them, ask forgiveness if appropriate, and forgive yourself. You are a different person now so don’t let anyone throw your past in your face. Everyone deserves a second chance and you have the ability to reinvent your life so you and your children can thrive and not just survive.
Have you ever been threatened over child custody? How did you handle it? What advice would you give to other moms?
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
