My daughter just pulled out of our driveway to head back to college for another exciting year.
Why do I say it’s exciting?
One word. New York City!
She’s at Columbia University (insert proud mom grin here) and she made the Dean’s list (insert even bigger proud mom grin here)! She got her own apartment (through student housing) and is going to be living that bachelorette life.
I’m so proud of her but I am feeling that empty nest syndrome. Tears are a moment away but I know I’ve done a great job preparing her for this new life of hers.
So many moms are sending their kids off to college this year. My pastor and his wife just sent their last kid off to college a couple of weeks ago. It’s not easy seeing them launch out into the world but this is what we’ve been preparing them for right?
Single Mom Empty Nest Syndrome Guest Author
Robin Roffner of Big Fish Marketing and Fearless Career Coach shares her experience of sending her daughter off to college this year too. She has some advice for moms like me and maybe you, who are sending kids off to college and dealing with that empty nest syndrome.
After helping my daughter Roxy move into housing at USC last week, I did not take the requisite selfie with her father holding an empty nest. We are divorced, and I’ve been raising Roxy on my own for the last six years. She has been my focus, my friend, and my travel companion. And I’m being challenged to find a way forward without her.
Letting go is never easy. Whether it’s a job, a project, a client, a child, or a spouse, we’re always struggling with some new fear or vulnerability. All of us. It’s human. We all have fear. But, what would your life look like if you weren’t in fear? Here’s how I’m dealing with the fear of being alone, letting go and moving on to what’s next.
Trust Your Intuition
Now is the time to tune-in to your inner voice and access that second brain that knows exactly where your talents and passions lie and can lead you to your true purpose. Whether it’s humbling yourself, and asking for a new job or position or finally leaving your post and amassing money for a venture, going back to school or fearlessly trying out a new hobby (I’m picking up the guitar and starting singing lessons), start to say “yes” to every gut instinct and invitation. You’ll find that there’s a rich second life inside you just waiting to get out and get on with it.
Align Your Actions With Your Desires
I want you to imagine pushing through any fears you’re having right now and pull out a notepad. Close your eyes and write down what you desire in your personal life, what you desire in your career, and what you desire in your community. Now list under each desire the actions you’ll be taking to get there. Live by those actions and you’ll move yourself closer to your dreams.
Find Champions Who Value You
If you’re needing to let go and move on (like me), now’s the time to go deeper in your female relationships. I am so lucky that almost all of my clients are women and they are among my closest friends and confidants. We know everything about each other’s lives, the names of our children, the trials and tribulations of our love lives, many have come to my home in Santa Fe, and sometimes we travel together. To recognize women who have your back and can be a champion for you, use your intuition. Gather them and keep them close because these relationships, when they become collaborative, will be the foundation of your business and the joy of your career. Whether you’re an executive, professional, entrepreneur or consultant, your network of women are going to see you through.
Share With God Went Well Today
Every night before bed, I talk with God and reflect on what’s going well… what I’m proud of and what I’m grateful for. I could think about my endless to-do list, but this simple practice in gratitude helps me get on with the day and sleep well at night. If you only take away one thing from what I’ve shared it’s this: having faith in yourself and something bigger than you, will keep you out of fear. That’s because if you’re in fear you can’t be in faith. If you’re in faith you can’t be in fear.
As I move into this new role of empty-nester, I try to imagine a table set in the future. My daughter is there and the people that I love. Looking at it fearlessly, there are so many new possibilities for my relationship with Roxy. And all I have to do is let it unfold. I’ll do it by applying these no-fear strategies: trusting my intuition, aligning my actions with my desires, finding champions that value me, going deeper in my female relationships, and finally, sharing with God what went well each day.
In this new phase in my life, I will let the fear be there, but I won’t get stuck there. I’ll keep the focus on what matters and resist isolating or getting into obsessive thinking. To live fearlessly, I will practice this process every day. Won’t you join me?
Single Mom Empty Nest Syndrome Video Suppliment
Resources
Here are more articles I found across the interwebs about single parents dealing with empty nest syndrome:
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Many parents are nervous as the new school year approaches. Why? Their child is anxious. It’s not uncommon for children and teens to experience headaches, stomach aches, irritability, withdrawal, and other stress-related effects during this time. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help them before they head off on their first day.
Help Them Start the Day Off Right
Each morning starts with the night before. So make sure your child has a solid bedtime routine in place to help them get adequate sleep. It’s also good to pack any bags and set out clothes for the next day so they’re not rushed in the morning. Furthermore, make sure they can get a healthy breakfast and make it to school with time to spare.
Help Them Transition into the Back to School Routine
Getting their routine in place before the first day of school is important. For instance, you can’t let them stay up late all summer and expect them to wake up refreshed on the first day of school. Help them begin easing back into their workload and schedule one or two weeks before school starts. Ensuring they go to bed a little earlier each night, meeting with their teachers and counselors, and assigning light reading or other work can all be helpful.
Help Them Organize Their Back to School Tasks
If your child is organized, they’re more likely to be excited about school and less likely to be overwhelmed. Work with them to create checklists, organize their textbooks and notebooks, and set a time for weekly cleanup (e.g., relocating old papers and tests, throwing away trash from book bags putting gym clothes in the laundry). Also, help them create a workspace at home, designate a daily study time, and support their efforts by keeping the home a distraction-free.
Talk to Them About Drugs and Alcohol
It seems that kids are being exposed to drugs and alcohol earlier now than ever before. You want to be sure they know about the effects and consequences of addiction. Keeping that conversation going with them throughout their years at school is vital to their health and safety. Make sure they know that treating their anxiety with substances is never the answer and offer them concrete alternatives to relieving stress, such as exercising, music, and art.
Be There to Ease Back to School Anxiety
The most effective way to help alleviate your child’s anxiety is to be present in their lives. Allow them to share their fears and anxieties with you, exercise with them, schedule relaxing activities for the whole family, and model overall self-care through your own lifestyle. Also, you don’t always have to have the answers; sometimes they just need someone to listen.
A lot of children deal with anxiety when school is starting back, so you’re not alone. You can take steps to help them overcome that anxiety and enjoy school. It may take some adjusting as you navigate the waters of childhood and adolescence, but being there for your child and supporting them will make all the difference.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
When I think about all the stuff that I’ve had to deal with as an overwhelmed single mom I’m reminded that it’s better to pick my battles rather than get wiped out in a pointless war. There is too much going on in my life to allow nit-picky things ruin my day, my relationships, and my health. I empower myself by picking my battles carefully in all areas of my life. A few battles that readily come to mind involve the kids, the Ex, the family/friends, and the job. Here are four ways I’ve managed overwhelm might be helpful to you:
Managing Kids When You’re an Overwhelmed Single Mom
Every day there is something to fight about with the kids. Mine are in elementary and middle school so they pretty much have a mind of their own. There is the potential to battle over clothes, food, bath and bedtime, as well as the choice of friends.
The clothing battle, especially for my 12-year-old daughter is a potential battle zone. She’s at the age where clothes equal popularity and the latest trends put a strain on my cash flow. Looking like Hanna Montana or the latest kid pop star is cool for her but the wacky/tacky fashions, not to mention the body-hugging, parts revealing attire is enough to make me want to scream.
But I’ve learned to set a few guidelines and let her decide what she will wear. I do a quick, informal inspection before we leave the house and make firm suggestions when she wears a questionable top that will give all the little boys whiplash. She complies because she already knows the rules up front so that battle is diffused before it even gets started.
My 8-year-old son is easier to handle. Just give him some jeans and a shirt and he’s good to go. There are times though when I have to remind him to put on matching socks or switch his shoes around because he still has trouble with two left feet at times.
Dealing with the Ex as an Overwhelmed Single Mom
Battles with the Ex have raged on since the beginning of time (well almost). My ex is no different with the exception of nasty arguments and name calling.
When I realized that we would not be raising our children together I made a decision to treat the relationship as a business arrangement. Yes, I know, it’s easier said than done if he’s less than nice and purposely gives you a hard time. Once I realized that using the kids to make his life miserable or demanding what he “owed” me, I simply made a mental list of what I would need from him in order to raise my children. Surprisingly, when it was all said and done the list was very small. All I needed (and it turns out that it really wasn’t a need) was for him to pay child support.
I am fortunate that he willingly complied to pay child support without a court order so I’ve received it since the birth of my daughter. I had no problem with him visiting the kids or arranging a holiday visit.
I learned that by removing my emotions I am able to reduce the battles and get on with living, without him that is. If your ex is hard to get along with and is determined to make your life miserable you may consider finding an advocate to deal with him for you. It could be a friend, a parent, or a sibling. It doesn’t have to be a long-term arrangement, just long enough until he understands that you are only concerned with the business of caring for your child.
Getting entangled in arguments and bitter fights with your ex just gives him more power and control over you. Yes, it’s true; allowing people to push your buttons puts them in control of your life and behavior. I don’t mean to lecture, but I’ve learned the hard way and just have to share with you. You have to get to the point where you are not angry at him or hurt that he’s no longer in your life. Until you do you will remain embattled with him and have a miserable life.
In this series, I’ve been talking about picking your battles and empowering your life. Battles with the kids and the ex may feel like a constant drain on your emotions, but you can make the choice to choose what battles you will fight. This time we’ll talk about picking battles with family and friends.
Dealing with Family/Friends as Overwhelmed Single Mom
Some single moms have close ties with the family. As a result, some family members are overprotective, overbearing, or over-involved in your life. I was in this situation and at times it was more stressful than dealing with my ex. When the relationship is over, for some, the family is who you turn to for help getting back on your feet. Mom and/or dad can help with childcare, finances, or a shoulder to cry on. The same can happen with close friends.
The problem occurs when this support system begins or attempts to run your life. They have all the answers about how to raise your children and they seem to be the only ones who know what’s best for you. Soon you find yourself wanting to run away from home or risk a relationship breakdown because of heated words.
In my case, my daughter began undermining my authority by asking my parents for things I told her she couldn’t have. Setting boundaries are the only way to reduce the number of battles you have if you have any. My boundary was moving four hours away. I felt my life spiraling out of control and felt a clean break was the best thing for me and my family. You may find other solutions that work for you.
Dealing With the Job/Career as an Overwhelmed Single Mom
Working is one thing single moms usually can’t get around. We have to work to make ends meet and give our kids the semblance of a normal life. But there are times when all things related to the job make me what to throw in the towel and go on welfare. It’s much safer at home where I can surf the internet all day, cook a great meal for the kids, and take naps. But instead, I get up early to go to work where I am not always appreciated and praised.
There are even times when the boss is a jerk and refuses to admit his mistakes or give me credit for a product or process. I’ve learned that the battle is mostly in my mind because in the world of work, every person is ultimately number one and I don’t matter much more than the completion of the next project. So with the battle being my head, I can make some choices. I can make the choice to not take things personally.
I can realize that at the end of the day I get to go home and be with people who love me. I also understand and jump for joy that my boss is not going to come with me. I get to leave him right where he is and forget about him and the job until the next day. The battle is won in my mind and I am at peace. Of course, I still do a good job, because I realize it’s more about personal satisfaction than anything.
The battles in your life and mine seem to come nonstop, but we are fortunate enough to have choices, smart enough to make good decisions, and savvy enough to make those decisions matter. Because in the grand scheme of things the little battles are just a minor annoyance compared to the joy of motherhood.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
William Thomas the III ( Affectionately called Trey) is like any other 7-year-old he likes bikes, playing in sandlots, and going on adventures with his best friends, Miguel, Dakota, Hakim, and Bai (BaHee). Although Trey’s adventures, sometimes get him into trouble, Trey always finds a way to make things right. Through Trey’s adventures, he and his friends discover that family, faith and friendship are very important.
About the Author
Tracy Scott, has a Bachelors in Human Service Management, with a minor in communication. She is a speaker, author and Life Coach. Her passion is to communicate and connect. She is the mother of two young adult children.
Cooka-Mamma-Fobio
Author Givon Wayne has written an amazing piece of literature with his newest release “Cooka-Mamma-Fobio”. This E-book is a humorous collection of 10 fanciful stories that children and adults will love.
Givon’s book is loosely based on the early childhood of Givon Wayne and his younger sister, Trena Kay. They spent a few years growing up on a small farm located on the outskirts of Odessa, TX. Life was much different in 1973.
There were no cell phones, seat-belts or video games. Freedom and boredom were the seeds of creativity, and these two kids had plenty of opportunity for both.
This book is a must read that you are sure to recommend to friends and family. It is available now via Amazon.
Karma Kyle the Crocodile
Karma Kyle the Crocodile- What goes around will come around. Karma Kyle, the lovable little boy crocodile, is always getting into trouble. Thank goodness he has his meditating crocodile family to keep him in line.
In the first of the Karma Kyle the Crocodile series, his parents give him a job to do and he sets out on his adventure with all the right intentions. Along the way, he is confronted with Bad Apple, a very convincing but troublesome apple that steers him in the wrong direction.
As Karma Kyle deals with greed, disappointment, and loss, he learns that lying and stealing always lead to a bad ending. With support from Wise Owl and after a series of spectacular events, he finally learns that performing good deeds does bring rewards, and comes out smiling and winning in the end.
In a clever blend of rhyme and rhythm, author Frank Navratil presents Karma Kyle´s adventure in an easily readable manner. 32 illustrated color pages. For ages 3-8
Kyla McKenzie, age 5, is the co-author along with her mother, Monique McKenzie, of the newly released children’s picture book, My God is Awesome! The great work illustrates the wondrous creations of God through the eyes of five-year-old Kyla.
Through breathtaking watercolor hand-paintings by world-renowned illustrator Dr. Jan Spivey Gilchrist and emotive text authored by the mother-daughter team, children and adults are reminded that God’s awesomeness should be appreciated and respected in life’s most simple pleasures.
This work is important because:
The book was showcased at the American Library Association Conference in Las Vegas, NV this past June.
Kyla is one of the youngest published authors on record.
The book is inspirational for children and adults.
They were intentional in selecting children of all nationalities and backgrounds as models.
The artwork by Hall-of-Famer Jan Spivey Gilchrist is simply awesome!
Cowardly dinosaurs! Cockney pirates! Alien Dogs! Vertiginous squirrels! Time-traveling slugs! Fish in spacesuits! Hedgehogs disguised as fish! Cows disguised as ants! Disco-dancing horses!
This book of wacky bedtime stories places your child at the centre of each crazy adventure by making him/her the central character. Containing heavy doses of humour which can be enjoyed by parent and child alike, and with a whopping thirty-one stories, this collection is designed to last a month. But can you leave it to just one story per night?
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Stress is a killer and becoming the number one killer of women (heart attacks anyone?).
What is Stress?
Stress shows up as:
Sleepless nights
Anxiety
Eye twitching
Irritability
Stomach aches
Migraines
High Blood Pressure
Weight gain/loss
and much more.
It affects our work and family life. It affects our romantic relationships. It affects our health, weight, and sexuality.
Whether it is because of the job, long commutes, or personal tragedy, the stress is still the same. You cannot afford to live much longer with this silent killer.
How long will you let it take over your life and make you miserable? How much money will you spend on binge eating or prescription drugs to ease the symptoms?
Aren’t you ready for an alternative that does not just mask the symptoms but completely destroys the stress?
Would you rather suffer the side effects of prescription drugs like weight gain, low libido, or even suicidal thoughts than find the cure?
I was where you are. I was dealing with such extreme stress that it affected my mind, body, and spirit.
I was a walking time bomb!
My best friend was really worried about me when I began to strip off my clothes in the middle of a department store. I was literally pouring sweat even though it was 32 degrees outside. The stress had taken such a toll on my life and body that it was beginning to shut down.
The doctor told me that I was having menopausal symptoms brought on by premature ovarian failure. The hot flashes and night sweats I was experiencing at age 32 was the result of stress.
My bone density tests came back borderline osteoporosis at age 37. I gained weight and lost weight like a yo-yo. I ate when I was anxious and starved myself when I was depressed.
My blood pressure was rising and I had migraines.
I knew I couldn’t go on this way so took myself off all prescription drugs and went on a radical journey to wholeness and stress-free living.
The results have changed my life. At my last blood pressure check the measurement was 110/73. I’ve lost weight (still getting more off), and I no longer have hot flashes.
Overall I am happier and more alive than ever.
How did I do it? It was a combination of things including mental, spiritual, and physical changes. Being an ambitious person and over-achiever drove me to excellence in everything. I could not turn my mind off so I learned meditation.
I could not stand the prescription drugs so I turned to natural solutions.
I was trying to work on my businesses and trying to work a full-time job so I said goodbye to the corporate job and hello to my bliss.
The changes were not easy but I did not want to continue living with the alternative…Stress.
Ready. Set. Breathe!
If you are at the point where the stress is affecting your health and relationships it is time to do something else.
If you want to feel alert, alive, and available while you go through the process of stress elimination you have to let go of the prescription drugs. The natural alternatives are the best for you and are non-addictive.
Are you ready to begin your journey out of stress and into joy? You do not have to do this alone. I’ve been where you are and I know the path to amazing joy and clarity without depending on a pill to mask the symptoms.
I want to help you move from stressed out, depressed, and ready to give up on life before you crash (if you haven’t already). I want to help you live more abundantly and create the life you’ve been craving.
Enter your name and email address to access the FREE Stress Management Training and download the stress relief guide.
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
What does a single mom do when she is sick and has small kids? That is the question that was asked on Honoree’s blog. The mom in question was sick and didn’t have anyone to help her. She says her poor kids were being ignored all day but she couldn’t do much for them because of her illness. She wanted suggestions about how to prepare her kids for life’s curve balls, like being too sick to care for them. This is the comment I left:
“Wow! I’ve been there and done that so I know how torturous it is. I think that single moms have to start training their kids to follow instructions for times like these.
When my daughter was four I began training her to do simple things like fix a sandwich, pour milk, answer the phone, and give her baby brother a bottle. By making her a little helper she willingly did what I needed her to do (within reason).
Isolation is a big problem for single moms and it’s so important to be able to call someone. It could be a matter of life and death (or at least days of sickness). We feel so proud and don’t want to burden others but that is counter-productive. You may call a daycare provider, a co-worker, the landlord’s wife, or anyone you deal with everyday for a quick favor.
Tell the kids that you are sick and encourage them to read, watch a DVD, or play quietly. Try to keep plenty of individual snacks, juice boxes, and easy to reach cups for water. Also teach them to clean up after themselves. That will cut down on the mess you will have to clean up later.”
I think it is very important for single moms to be proactive in training their kids to take care of themselves early. It is the fallout from being the child of a single parent, but the payoff is priceless. You will end up with very capable kids who know how to take care of themselves.
I started the practice early with my kids so now they do the basics without much prompting from me now. They both can prepare a basic meal (yes even my 8-year-old son) when they get hungry and I am swamped with work or doing other household chores. I decided early on that I didn’t want them to be crippled with dependence on me. I also knew I would never get anything done if I had to do everything.
In addition to preparing a simple meal, I’ve taught my kids how to clean their bathroom, do the dishes, wash their clothes (or at least put them in the washer), and iron. These tasks have progressed in difficulty as they’ve gotten older. I make sure they do age appropriate things.
I am just about ready to send my daughter to the store now but she has four more years before she can drive. So I’ll just settle for letting her run in for something quick while I wait in the car.
How do you prepare your kids for life’s curve balls?
Samantha A. Gregory is an author, consultant, and speaker. She’s a single-mom lifestyle, money, and parenting expert featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, HuffPost, ABC News, and Mint.com.
Samantha founded the award-winning RichSingleMomma.com™, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses for single moms.
She aims to inspire women who are ready to thrive and not just survive in their single motherhood journey. Connect with her on Instagram @richsinglemomma.
Hi! Welcome to RichSingleMomma.com. I started this website almost a decade ago because I couldn't find any blogs back then that helped single moms with money. I was having some success in that area so I decided to share what I knew about side hustles, making extra money, and managing money. Read more...
