A few years ago I was dealing with debilitating single mom stress, well just plain stress, to the point that I started having hot flash and night sweats on an hourly basis. It was really bad! I couldn’t think straight because my mind was foggy. I was dealing with depression, doing the model mommy thing, and working through dissolving a toxic relationship. This went on for a year or so when I finally decided to get help. I went to the doctor and they put me on anti-depressants and start me on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) because I was entering menopause. I was only 32 years old! Ugh!
I did the anti-depressants for a couple of months and I refused to go on HRT. The meds I was taking was making me feel like my head was detached from my body. I really couldn’t function and I was afraid I was not going to be alert enough to take care of my kids. I was also scared to drive even though I hadn’t taken medicine for a couple of days. The affects of the medicine was still in my system making me feel drowsy and crazy in my head. I had to do something so I researched a few natural therapies I could use to deal with the stress.
I found out about lavender, meditation, EFT, and Valerian root. I used a combination of these things to finally get stress relief.
I use Valerian Root first. I heard about it when I was younger so I knew it had a calming affect. I could take it everyday without it making me drowsy and disconnected. It was not addictive so I started taking it daily. I felt better within a week. I slept better at night and didn’t feel jittery or nervous.
The next thing I tried was EFT or emotional freedom technique. I was researching ways to deal with the emotional issues I was having and came across this new method of treating them. I learned how to do the technique and got some results. It wasn’t until years later that I really started using it and got unbelievable results. I’ll have to do a different post on just this method alone.
Stress Relief Tip #3
Finally, I started using lavender. I bought sachets to put under my pillow at night and found spray products that had the fragrance in it. I really like it because of the smell and the calming affects. Recently I bought a product off Amazon called Tranquility by Phytopia. It’s a massage oil that has a very nice lavender fragrance. It’s strong but not overwhelming so I can use it at night, which is how they recommend you use it. I slept for eight hours and felt great the next morning.
I don’t know what kind of stress you are dealing with personally. If it’s anything like mine was I recommend that you run to the health food store or Amazon (free 2-day shipping is awesome) and pick up the items I used. You can go to the EFT website and read more about it or search for it on YouTube.
Being on anti-depressants wasn’t the answer for me. I could not function and I did not know what kind of damage it was doing to my body. I just didn’t want to risk addiction. Dealing with the issues was the best thing for me because I wanted to be completely healed from the stress, depression, anxiety, and other emotional issues.
Watch the video, 3 Quick Single Mom Stress Relief Tips, if you don’t want to read it
Get Help and Get Healthy!
If you are dealing with dark thoughts, feel like you can’t get yourself together, or want to harm yourself (or your kids) please get help. Do not suffer alone!
My car repair bills added up to $800. I could have been stressed about money and worried about my car breaking down. But I’ve learned the power of prayer and other habits that help me overcome financial stress. I share my tips in this video with you to encourage you to breath and know it will be okay.
How are you handling financially stressful times? How do you want to be able to handle them?
What to talk about it privately? Schedule a free 30-minute strategy session to pick my brain and figure out how to overcome financial stress. Send an email to samantha @richsinglemomma.com
“The only man who sticks closer than a friend during hard times, is a creditor.”
We might laugh at the quote above, but if you’re laughing while being in debt, you’re probably cringing on the inside at the same time. Debt, in itself, is not a funny part of life. Quite the opposite, small to large quantities of debt often hang like a dark cloud through life, casting shadows of foreboding and hopelessness wherever we go.
Like so many, when we come to a place where there seems to be no financial means to change our situation, we turn a deaf ear to the calls and throw away the collection letters from the mail. Essentially, we ignore the problem as best as we can while we continue to move forth into new stages of our lives.
Unfortunately, though we may apply all of the tricks in the book to successfully distancing ourselves from our debtor’s communications, our minds our often trapped within the heaviness of our new financial limitations.
You might ask, so what then can be done to move beyond debt’s darkness so that we can return to those more carefree sunny days of our past? Read on, and we will show you…
1. Face the storm – Time to let yourself take a good look at that annoying dark cloud, and finally start expecting to see the sun. By mentally addressing to your subconscious that you are about to find a solution to the nagging darkness, half of your struggle will already be won.
Stop doing the runaway two-step and stand instead with a power pose of authority towards your debt. Take your mind into a conqueror’s mentality…the undefeated Susan…the unstoppable Rick. Change that emotion of fear you feel into power instead.
Studies prove that we essentially will end up in the direction for which we aim our mind. Take that truth and run the other way with it. It’s time to stop hiding underneath that cloud and lasso it instead. Take your authority with it, and you can tell it where to go.
2. Unmask the monster – Time to see the collector’s differently. Remember that saying, “to kill stage fright, picture the audience nude?” Well, this begins as the same concept. Realize that your debt collectors are just people doing a job to make their living. In short, let yourself realize that they do in-fact have a soul, and work with that.
The wonderful truth is, we are all human at the end of the day. We all put our pants on the same way, just as we have all made both good and bad decisions. Keep the perspective on your debt collector’s humanity in the forefront of your mind as you approach step three, and get ready to smile.
3. “Kill” them with kindness – This third step will take some focus, some patience and a really great cup of hot cocoa. Well, maybe not the cocoa part, but it’s time to step into your happy zone and look at the debt collectors through rose colored glasses.
Get the conversations into the human friendly zone and treat them like your best friend. The truth is, when it is all said and done, there is nothing more powerful than human connectivity. Common grounds of understanding are powerhouses for negotiation…and blowing away your debt cloud.
4. Talk their ear off – This fourth action will require multiple actions, and will extend over a small amount of time. Once you’ve established your BFF status with your debt collecting peeps, you must maintain your relationship.
Call them OFTEN and keep them informed. If you are working out a settlement process with them, keep them up to date every step of the way. You want to build rapport with them and cause them to feel that you are keeping things honest, open and clear.
Doing this will maintain extra grace for your situation along the way and possibly even delay legal issues they would otherwise take against you.
It’s not always an easy road to facing our darkness and our fears, but it can be an absolutely invigorating ride when we do! Just remember to keep those sweet visions of sunny freedom within your mind as you go along this dynamic journey; and when you get to where you’ve always wanted to be…blissfully debt free, pass the energy on to others you know who are struggling as well. Before long, we will all begin to see, that we are the only ones truly powerful enough to change our own skies.
Stress, you can’t avoid it but you can outsmart it!
Each April, in light of Stress Awareness month, experts on the topic, offer information intended to make us smarter and better armed against stress. Some of today’s leading authorities on stress believe this modern-day pandemic has become so pervasive that we’ve simply adapted to this unhealthy condition.
Stress ages us, it creates mental and emotional overload, creativity, clarity and decision making abilities decline, it causes aches and pains, adds fat to our belly area, fragments our thinking and can make us exceptionally irritable and unpleasant to be around. In fact, stress has been found to be the number one proxy-killer disease and the American Medical Association notes it as the basic cause of more than 60% of all human illness.
Harvard-trained integrative physician and New York Times bestselling author of The Hormone Cure: Reclaim Balance, Sleep, Sex Drive, and Vitality with The Gottfried Protocol, Dr. Sara Gottfried, explains, “Chronic stress burns through your happy brain chemicals such as serotonin, the neurotransmitter that supports your mood, sleep, and appetite. In other words, if you don’t manage stress – it manages you by causing or worsening 95% of disease and robbing you of sleep, good humor, and a thin waist.”
Helping to educate more people about the seriousness of stress, HeartMath, widely recognized for its science-based stress solutions, created this infographic showing how stress affects the body and offering five uncommonly known facts about stress. This is an excellent picture of how stress affects us – whether we know it or not.
So what can you do to reduce stress or even outsmart it? Try one of following suggestions or better yet try them all. Either way you’ll be lessening your own stress and taking steps towards a healthier, happier life.
1. Pets are a great way to manage stress. Animals help by allowing us to focus on the positive things in our lives. Playing with pets and just having them in the house can reduce fears and anxieties in most situations. Moreover, the simple act of touching or petting an animal can actually change the way you respond to a stressful situation. It’s important to note that this may not be a solution for everyone – as pets do come with additional work and responsibility. For most people, the benefits can outweigh the drawbacks.
2. Adjust your eating habits. Long-term stress can increase your appetite and cause you to binge on unhealthy foods. This kind of emotional eating is often the body’s way of coping with the stressors. Mother Nature makes excellent stress fighters. Foods naturally rich in vitamins and minerals can help fight increased levels of cortisol – a stress hormone. Next time you get the urge to binge on greasy fast food or ice cream, try a handful of vitamin C-packed berries instead.
3. Train and guide yourself to better manage stress. For those that are serious about reducing stress, there are high-tech tools to help. For example, the Inner Balance trainer provides a highly specialized 3-step technique, and real-time feedback helps you synchronize your breath and heart rhythms as you retrain your mind body response to stress. This techno stress reducer has become widely popular with healthcare professionals that want an effective solution they can suggest to patients. “If a patient rolls her eyes at my prescription of yoga or mindfulness, I whip this out. This isn’t some crazy Berkeley woo-woo idea— major healthcare organizations use it. Using this technology I am less likely to fight with my husband or scream at my children. I still have the same stressors but I can meet them differently with this training,” said Dr. Gottfried.
4. Be social. While there are times it feels like relationships with friends and family may be the cause of stress, a strong supportive network of family and friends can also significantly reduce stress and act as buffer. Enjoying the company of others can relieve feelings of tension and improve overall psychological well-being. Being with others that we care for and love can increase our positive emotional experiences. Some positive emotions have been shown to increase DHEA, known as the anti-aging hormone, and trigger oxytocin, known as the love hormone. These good-for-you hormones can help combat stress and may even boost the immune system.
This April, take advantage of the added information available throughout Stress Awareness Month. Adding even one of these new ideas into your daily life may help in creating the healthier, less stressful lifestyle you deserve!
HeartMath (www.heartmath.com) was founded by Doc Childre and is a cutting-edge performance company providing a range of unique services, products and technologies to improve health and well being, while dramatically reducing stress. HeartMath clinical studies have demonstrated the critical link between emotions, heart function and cognitive performance. HeartMath studies have been published in numerous peer-reviewed journals such as American Journal of Cardiology, Stress Medicine, Preventive Cardiology and Journal of the American College of Cardiology. Its stress reducing solutions are used in leading healthcare organizations, VA hospitals and clinics, as well as by more than 15,000 health professionals and dozens of school systems throughout the US.
Recently I asked single moms and a few experts how new single moms can handle everyday stress. They shared this advice…
Real Single Moms Speak
I get my mom to watch them after they are asleep and go out for a few hours.–michigamom5150
I get stressed and I let it ride out.–delilahsmom1177
Basically spend his nap time, and bedtime doing things for me. –Delila12
I find something calming for all of us to do together. –happylife123
I take it day by day ..moment by moment.. breath by breath.. –KRIZZ25
I would take my kids to the park and or the pool for some destressing time…–brieri
What’s working momentarily (she is three, after all) is playing music with her.–thesj180herself
Being apart during the day helps us… he is in school or camp and I am at work. –virginiamama71
What helped with my stress is when my son had baseball practice.i got to see other parents and just talk…-baseballmom5416
I learned meditation years ago to handle every day stress and to unwind at night. –Robsessed98
The Experts Speak
Life Transitions Coach and Single Mom
I am a Life Transitions Coach and a single mom of two children aged 11 and 14. While their dependency on me has changed over the years, I have found that the tried and true tip that works at all ages is to prepare the night before to simplify the morning routine. Pack lunches, lay out clothes, pack school bags (sign permission slips, write notes to teachers), and plan the meal for the next evening.
Get the whole family exercising together. Everyone’s stress will be reduced! Try whatever makes your family the happiest. At our house, we have a jar with slips of paper (hiking, biking, rollerblading, etc.) to use for a random choice. Jump roping, running, dancing to the radio … so many free activities!!!!
Author of All-Day Energy: 100 Ways to Boost Your Energy…Now!
It’s NOT selfish to put your own needs before your children’s when there is a healthy balance on both sides. Children need to learn that all of their needs are not going to be met all of the time, and that the needs of others also need to be considered and respected.
DR. JOSEPH CILONA
Laugh! Remember that comedy is the flip side of tragedy. The two are closer to the same thing than you may think. Not only does every cloud have a silver lining, but it has a hilarious side, as well. Nothing challenges our faith as much as seeming tragedy. Humor helps us see our life from a new perspective (often times a more objective one), and it also allows us to come up with creative solutions to our problems. It raises our consciousness and energy level and can serve to enhance our spiritual connection amidst times of turmoil and life questions.
As a psychotherapist, family counselor and single parent, one thing I did was to leverage my time and energy by forming a neighborhood cooperative where we took each other children for a few hours to give us a cost-free break. AND, it was often easier with a friend or two as they entertained each other and freed up more time to think and breath while remaining available.
Mom must put herself 1st. It’s not selfish, it is responsible. She can’t continue to give and give and give is she has no way of re-filling herself – perhaps having a friend or relative watch the kids for 2 hours two or three times a week to take a walk, go to the gym and roam around the book
store. Something she does just for herself. She will feel better about herself, release those endorphins and the result will be more patience with the kids and work. She will just be a better mom, friend, etc.
Teresa Van-Zeller, ACCHt
Dr. Peter Zafirides
Single moms deal with so much pressure. It is hard enough to take care of all the obligations of taking care of the kids and running a household on their own. They feel like they have to do everything AND do everything perfectly. Realize you are human and set proper limits – with kids, extended family and work.